Self doubt

[all4peace]

Do you all struggle with self doubt?

By many indicators, I've had a successful life. I have a marriage that made it through a lot of stressors, more than 20 years, getting better every month.
My kids are wonderful, thriving.
I have loving and supportive sibling and friend relationships.
I have been successful in my work.
Etc, etc.

I am facing huge life changes in the next couple years, career change, kids leaving home, possible move out of my current area, possibly even out of state. So maybe I'm feeling shaky because of that.

But I'm also all to familiar with that paralyzing self-doubt. Nobody else doubts my abilities, motives, goodness. So why do I all to often do so myself?

If I could keep it at the level of uncomfortable feeling, I could just ride it out.
But sometimes it gets to the level where it starts to feel unbearable, and like maybe I really AM totally incapable of the things I feel most moved to do in life.

Do any of you amazing survivors and thrivers have suggestions for coping with self doubt?

[athene1399]

I agree that may your upcoming changes may be triggering this doubt. Change is scary. I'm working on a career change and am afraid going back to school was a mistake, but I love what I am learning so far. I've interned and love it as well. It also a growing field. I guess whenever I feel doubtful I logically work through it, like you have at the beginning listing your success. I talk to myself the way a friend would, with compassion. "look at all you've accomplished so far! It won't always be easy, but you can figure this out." Maybe write a list of your successes and reread it every morning to remind yourself of your accomplishments/blessing/or whatever you want to write on it. try to focus on the positives. sometimes when we have a minor setback, that's all we think about. And if there is a setback, you have to tools and support system to work through it.

[1footouttadefog]

I tend to just plan for the worst and hope for the best or at least better.

This helps me with self doubt by sort of addressing the whole or partial failure up front.  Having low expectations to start with helps also, lol.

For example when we moved states years back we had been financially unsuccessful (pd was unable to find work despite trying very hard).  We left a paid for house behind and rented an apt in our new location.  We planned to work one and 1/2 jobs each if needed to get by until the house sold and we could off load the rent.  We ended up with a cheaper apt.  than we imagined and pd secured work the first day he looked.  Had benefits, vacation time and profit sharing and 401k matching.  I found a part time job that paid high salary for one day a week and another with flexible hours that allowed me to enjoy being near the beach again.  It took a year to sell our home bit we did not suffer while living in an apt and paying rent because our expectations were low and we had leisure time at the beach swimming and fishing and riding bikes which costs nothing.

Some would have seen living in an apartment as a set back, we also went to a single car at that time to make things work.  It was a life style change many would have called failure but we were having fun. 

If going back to less would fix things I would in a heart beat. 

Focus on the basics and knowing that you can do at least that and it's all up hill from there.

[notrightinthehead]

All4peace I think you have given the answer yourself when you listed all the indicators for your successful life. These are the facts. That is reality. The self doubts are a feeling.

I recently had a phone call from a lady who is very kind, cancelling a meeting. She was not feeling well. Rationally I know that this has nothing to do with me and that she just is not feeling well and not ready to go out. But internally I went haywire and felt so rejected and worthless - all my own thing. I went back over every critical thought I had about her and every remark that could have been annoying her. Eventually my feelings moved from turmoil to more calmer zones and I could see reason again.

What I want to say with this is, maybe there is nothing that can be done about feeling self doubt. It might just be one of these things you have to go through, accepting that it exists, remembering who you are, allowing it to take it's course and always, always know that it's just a feeling. Not reality.

[Undiscovered]

I struggle massively with self doubt. I work in a technical capacity in a design field. Whenever I have to design something I am absolutely terrified that everyone will hate it. But I push through the fear and be brave. Every time i succeed and my clients are happy with the results I trust myself a little more. Sometimes we have to do the things that scare us to prove to ourselves how capable we are

One book that really helped me particularly in relation to notrightintheheads comment about feeling rejected and worthless is Finding Peace In a Frantic World. It's about mindfulness, not chasing your negative thoughts but just acknowledging them and letting them go. The one line that I repeat to myself constantly is "You are not your thoughts"

Good luck and just trust yourself