How do you manage the silent treatment?

[Consumed]

I always try to leave him to it and carry on with my day but no matter what, it makes me feel awful and I just want it to stop. I dread him coming home, the sound of the car pulling onto the drive makes me feel anxious, and when he's in the house I feel like I am walking on egg shells. His cold, unhappy presence just engulfs me. And this is how I feel until at some point many days later perhaps even a week, he will begin talking to me again.

I know he isn't going to change and will use this toxic behaviour as his way of letting me know he is unhappy. So how do I manage this so that it doesn't affect me at all?

[Summer Sun]

Consumed, the ST is difficult to endure.  It is a P/A way of expressing their discontent with us.  It is toxic, hurtful and abusive. 

IME, they want us to pursue.  What's wrong?  What have I done? In other words, we bad, we need to fix, so the cycle can keep spinning.

We are adults.  IME I take the approach one needs to "use their words".  If I have do e something wrong, tell me, I can then assess whether amends are required, or clarify any misunderstanding etc.  No words?  No problem.  I go about my life, make my own plans.  Carefree me. 

Sorry you are experiencing this, silence is such a strong, powerful weapon.

Summer Sun

[losingmyself]

IME he gained very much power from just sitting, sending negative energy through the room, and I sat, obediently, wondering what I could have possibly done, and how I can fix it. It is a control tactic, and used at his whim whenever he wants to feel that power. I will no longer do that, and it was as easy as getting up and leaving the room. I have plenty of work to do. When my DD was a toddler, she would follow me from room to room, so I would good and well know that she was pouting, because otherwise, what's the point. She grew out of it, he did not. This is literally the same thing, and if I ignore it long enough, the novelty wears off and they find something to distract themselves with. The nice thing about this boundary is that it doesn't need to be spoken, it was fairly easy for me to implement, I just told myself that I couldn't have done anything wrong because I just woke up. And I say to myself "Oh, we're not talking today" and I go about my day. Never ever, since I chose that mindset have I asked him what was wrong, what he was upset about. ST has diminished greatly, and I usually know what he's mad about. Still, not mine to fix.

[Lauren17]

The silent treatment is a common theme in my marriage. The hardest part for me was learning not to apologize just to make it stop!!  That's part of the pursue pattern that Summer Sun mentioned.
The two techniques that work best for me are: "Is everything ok? It's seems like you're upset about something."  The answer is always a curt, angry "I'm fine!" Which I take at face value with a cheerful, "Ok. Good!" Then I go about my day. Somehow, this usually ends the ST although I don't know why.
If I'm getting ST in response to something I've said, then I just ignore. I read, sew, bake, take a walk. Think of it as an opportunity to indulge in your hobbies.   

[Cascade]

I pretend that I don't notice that he is giving me a silent treatment. I talk to him almost as much as I normally would, while trying to avoid asking any questions that I know will go unanswered. I still feel the uncomfortable feelings associated with the silent treatments like you mentioned but the silent treatments are shorter and they happen a lot less often then they used to.

[Stillirise]

I admit this drove me nearly insane at various times over the years. Currently, I have been living in MC and gray rock for about 2 months.  It has been liberating. Now I'm being blamed for giving the ST, even though I always respond when spoken to first.  I only bring up things that really cannot be avoided.  He is left with trying to turn the most mundane things into supply.  This shows me he has been waiting all along for me to say something "wrong," so that he can pounce.  Now, especially when he starts up one of his games of 20 questions, it really gets under my skin. I try my best to ignore or grin and bear it.   I let go of caring what he's thinking about.  In his mind, I know all problems are my fault, so I really don't care to hear about it anymore.  I have finally learned to embrace the silence—and magically, now he hates it.

[Veloter]

I personally love the silent treatment.  I don't have to listen to him drone on and on about how wonderful he is.  I come and go as I please and pretend he's not here.  I can hold out for days since I learned grey rock and MC.  He is ALWAYS the one who starts the conversation now and frankly, I'm disappointed when I have to talk to him.  Such is the fun living with a NPD.

[Cascade]

I personally love the silent treatment.

If only I could get rid of the uneasy feeling that goes along with his silent treatments, I'd like them too.

[capybara]

I always try to leave him to it and carry on with my day but no matter what, it makes me feel awful and I just want it to stop. I dread him coming home, the sound of the car pulling onto the drive makes me feel anxious, and when he's in the house I feel like I am walking on egg shells. His cold, unhappy presence just engulfs me. And this is how I feel until at some point many days later perhaps even a week, he will begin talking to me again.

I know he isn't going to change and will use this toxic behaviour as his way of letting me know he is unhappy. So how do I manage this so that it doesn't affect me at all?

I could have written this! My BPDH manages his behaviour carefully: not stricty ST, but clearly withdrawn and in a foul mood. He will respond when spoken to, but goes very withdrawn, no smiles, no eye contact, no initiating any conversation, total focus on his tv, ipad, etc, clearly in a bad mood. At times he has told me angrily not to ask "over and over" what is bothering him, then last week he told me I "should ask" if I am wondering about his mood, and he "never told me not to". I wasn't even arguing, he just came up with that.

I find myself tiptoeing around and filled with anxiety at these times, but now I just repeat to myself "it's a break for me." And I leave the room and go about my business.

[sad_dog_mommy]

Silent treatment is a passive/aggressive way to control and 'punish' you.  Turn it around on him by keeping yourself busy and ignoring him.   Do something that makes YOU happy until he gets over his snit.   After a while he will see that the silent treatment no longer has an affect on you.

You are not alone.