My brother, the GC

[oddsunflower]

So, there is a huge amount of background here that I will attempt to fill in without writing a 4 part novel. My entire nuclear FOO is PD. Several have been diagnosed, BPDm, BPDs, and uPDB (who is the GC and the youngest) and my sociopathic step-father who is deceased but the root of much of this dysfunction. My "real" dad is a deadbeat. He has not attempted contact with my mom since I was about 2 years old (I am in my 40's now).
Long story short, we grew up in a family compound type situation. My grandparents, great-grandmother, uncle and my nuclear family lived in the same  property. My step-dad was an alcoholic and an addict. He passed in a horrible drowning accident when I was 10 years old. My sister was 8 and my brother 6 at the time. I was on vacation in across the country when this happened and had to fly home. From the minute after the funeral, my brother became the GC for the family, extended and nuclear. He was the last remaining male and should be revered and protected as such until he could spread his seed. In retaliation,  My sister, the typical middle child, developed many "disorders" which I like to refer to as hypochondria. I dove head first into my schooling and was told by my grandparents to be strong for my mom and his "real" kids.
My mom has developed a very scary and unnatural attachment to my brother's kids. They lived with her until about 5 years ago when they moved a few states away. She talks to the children several times a day and requires that they call her to say goodnight every night. If they forget, she gives them the typical "silent treatment" and makes them feel badly. Recently, I suggested that she move in with my brother and stop complaining about how far away they live. My GC brother called me the next day and read me the riot act about treating our mother with respect and helping her out more. He said I had hurt his children by saying that their grandmother chose them over all the others. (Between the siblings we have she has 12 grandkids) I explained to him that it was a fact and he knew it based on her facetiming during all of the events that we have here. We never have a moment with her that she is not talking to or talking about my brother or his kids.
Now, my niece (brothers #2 kiddo) is very sick and in the hospital. I talked to his wife yesterday to check on her status and what was being done. I get a call this morning from my brother saying that if I wanted to know what was happening, I should just ask mom and leave his wife to take care of the situation. Sigh. My mom is a fabricator. She is the best storyteller since Mark Twain. The woman can spin a yarn like none other. I cannot take her explanations at all. I needed facts. I needed to hear what the doctors said and not what my mom "thinks".
Enter my BPDs who calls me just now to tell me that I am hurting the family. That I am insensitive and do not appreciate how scared mom is being so far away. I was subjected to name-calling for which I have heard them all before and then she abruptly ended the call saying that "some of us have to get back to work" (my husband works so that I can be a stay-at-home-parent which has been a bone of contention for YEARS)
I am about to drop the NC on them. I just need peace and I think I will never get it in this circle of tattletales. The problem is, the kids love their cousins and I am not sure how NC works in that instance. Do any of you have experience with this? If I go NC with my FOO, does that mean the kids should not interact with their cousins?

[Summer Sun]

Welcome to Out of the FOG oddsunflower, although sorry for the circumstances in which you found us.  Your story is sadly familiar to many of us here. 

It seems PD traits ramp up when there is a FOO illness or death.  It can sometimes push us to the point you are at, desiring NC.  It is an individual decision.  Maintaining relationships between cousins in NC situations gets complicated, and there are risks involved either way.  Perhaps others will be able to share their experiences and It may be helpful to read posts of similar situations here .

Wishing you strength, wisdom, support and comfort on the journey.

Summer Sun