Today is Her Birthday

[oddsunflower]

Today is my uNPDmil's birthday. Well, not actually. Since her birthday is actually in December but her mom changed it so she could start school earlier....(not an important part of this story)
We are NC and have been for a few months now (except for their medical hoovering from time to time) I have no intention of reaching out today but I was thinking about this day and how it has been a crazy part of my marriage fights for 20+ years. Every year we would fight over whether or not we had celebrated the Aug or Dec version of her birthday...I just started celebrating both to make sure I got it done for her and could avoid the fights.  He would make the kids call her both times and we would do gifts and birthday dinner for her as well.
I have to admit I was relieved today when he did not say anything about her birthday. I felt guilty for a minute that I didn't make the kids call her. I wont give up on the NC for this. I just needed to come here to remember the strength and the reason that we are doing this!

[Cat of the Canals]

Bonkers!  The idea of a grown woman making her grown children honor not one, but two birthdays is just... 

After putting up with that for 20+ years, I think you should buy yourself a present today. 

[scapegoatnumerouno]

just shaking my head......  Good job in letting this "birthday" go by!

[Hazy111]

The Queen has two birthdays.

[HeadAboveWater]

Bonkers!  The idea of a grown woman making her grown children honor not one, but two birthdays is just... 

After putting up with that for 20+ years, I think you should buy yourself a present today. 

Just want to echo this! Oddsunflower, good luck to you on the NC journey and good thoughts to you on this odd anniversary of sorts.

[all4peace]

After years on this forum, sometimes I think I've heard it all, but you shared something I've never heard before! Darn it, to think I've been limping by on one barely-acknowledged bday per year when I could have been demanding 2 FULL celebrations!!

[candy]

A very merry unbirthday to you!



Every comment here sensed that those two birthdays are odd. I agree. I can't help myself but think of Alice in wonderland.

My MIL used to celebrate her one birthday two times: one time on her actual birthday and second time on Mother's Day. And everyone in my IL family thought this to be normal. It didn't cross their mind to ask why their own birthdays were only celebrated once.

I cannot imagine how frustrating it must be to argue 20+ years about your MIL's unbirthday. What a relief that you don't have to discuss it this year. Let your NC be a little imaginery present to yourself today.

[all4peace]

In the beginning of my journey Out of the FOG, I used to think quite often of Alice and falling down a rabbit hole

In my FOO, the only bday celebrated as of the recent past was M's (and the minor grandchildren).
Mother's Day was all hers until recently.
"Her" favorite holiday was as she wanted it and 3 days long.

It's amazing how we get used to the way things are done, because we've always done them that way and never really stopped to take a careful look at the (non)logic of it all.

So thankful for you that you don't have to do that this year!

[oddsunflower]

Thank you all so much for your kindness! I never realized just how crazy this was until y'all started commenting! Wow! We sure were deep in that FOG!
The day passed without a mention in our house (other than here) and there was peace. I made a little dessert for the kids "just because" to celebrate my unbirthday 

[MaoMeow]

The Queen has two birthdays.

Yes I like that the Queen has two birthdays as I get a day off work on one of them!