Hoovering

[Tricia64]

I have been having almost no communication with my sisters all this entire summer except for fighting.  I had a terrible go with two of  my sisters by email last week or so.  After that happened, I decided I am going try my hardest to not send anything at all and give it at the very least a break.

My sister closest in age called me the other day about a week after the email fight.  This was after the terrible fight with the gloves completely off.  I am so completely mentally spend from all of this, I am exhausted to the core.  But she just left a message like nothing happened.

I had to fight every urge to call or email but I did.  But then she just called again about an hour ago left another message today.

I honestly don't know how to handle this anymore.  I feel like I am being played with like a toy.  I truthfully want to explode with phone calls and emails of how much I hate my sisters.  I don't trust any of my three sisters at all anymore and feel like they have made my life basically a living hell for reasons I don't even really understand.  I lost my husband two years ago and my brother last year.  I live alone with no friends.

I had thought maybe I could do a few things this summer like go to the beach or somewhere.  I have been alone and done nothing.

I still talk to my niece on email.  She has a little boy that I adore.  I just sent him a book.  I sent her email to see if she got it.  She was really sweet and happy.  I also talk to my BIL.  But I really don't know how to balance any relationship with the feelings I have for my sisters and the fact that my sister keeps calling me.  I have a severe history with depression and this whole summer has made me almost need to go back in the hospital.

I just still can't believe my family would hurt me like this.  I almost feel like I am losing my mind in trying to accept it.  And I can't even tell you how much more that makes me hate them.  I feel like they are mentally tormenting me.  I just would never have believed this.

Thanks in advance for any advice.