I knew this would be hard but I never realized how hard...

[soccer23]

So I made a post last week about my uNPD sister who was coming to visit and how I had a plan to stay away from the house which I stay at with my parents (mom is uBPD). I was so freaking proud of myself for maintaining HEALTHY boundaries with them. However I am starting to feel really homeless. When I am at my parents house I have minimal communication with them and I am pretty cut off from my sister. I am rarely home so I spend most of my time in my office or at a coffee shop but I feel like I don't really have a place where I am be myself. I don't feel like I have a place I can call home and I always feel like I have to have boundaries ALL the time and I am just emotionally and physically exhausted because I am constantly trying to keep myself busy and strong. I just feel like a walking Zombie. Also my best friend is planning her wedding which is in a couple months and I work in the mental health field so I feel like I have to be on all the time and I don't have a place where I can be off. Plus if I turn off how much harm will that do to the progress I have made?

[athene1399]

I am sorry, Soccer. I remember when I first tried to change how I was. It was so exhausting. It's a lot better now. Enforcing boundaries can sometimes feel like a constant fight. I understand that. It does suck. It eventually gets better most of the time.

It's been a while since I lived at home, but I had no space there. That did suck. I can understand why you try to stay away. I hung out a lot at my b/f's at the time, but wasn't allowed to move in. I wanted to move out so bad after high school and wasn't allowed to for about ten years. Moving out was an amazing life-changer, but that was hard at first too.

It sounds to me like you have  to find either a place or a way to "shut off" and reboot at a place that is all your own. Even if it's just for ten minutes a day. Can you stay at your office for a bit after hours so that you can be alone for a bit and don't have to worry about being "on"? I think turning off when you are alone helps. I don't think it's minimizes your progress at all. If I feel on at all times, I get exhausted. I need to be alone for a bit (SO usually works Saturdays, so that's when I have my me time). That's the day I can do whatever I want without having to worry about others. I don't look at my phone for a few hours that day, too. It really helps me.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Congratulations Soccer on maintaining your boundaries throughout your sister's visit. That is a great  accomplishment. I agree it can be exhausting, but it sounds like you are on a very good path. I think it indeed does help to have moments where you can just "be".  I like the comment from athene about perhaps just taking a few minutes each day. It does not have to be anything big.  I find that just being outside and breathing the fresh air, letting the wind blow around me, and looking up at the clouds really helps. I take those few minutes on my lunch break and do no allow any thoughts about my FOO to enter my mind. That's just me, but perhaps you can try a few quick things that can recharge you.

[Cat of the Canals]

I'm sorry you're struggling, Soccer. I know that feeling of having to be "on" all the time. It's very draining.

I'm going to echo what's already been said: Can you find some time to switch off for a while? Toward the end of high school, I was just overwhelmed by everything and didn't really have anyone to talk to about it. So I started taking long walks in the woods by myself after school. Another option might be sitting in the park, listening to relaxing music in your headphones.