wow read the medical records and relived trauma

[1footouttadefog]

For more than one reason, my pd and I requested a copy of medical records from the VA.  Requested them on a given afternoon and they arrived in less than 48 hours via snail mail.  Fortunately most of our experiences with the VA are smooth and timely, however this was amazing service response time.

One reason we have requested them is because I suspect there are new problems that are not being addressed with current treatment plan.  Another is so I can put together a time line of other matters.

In reading the notes by the psychiatrist that  pd saw for several years I identified several places where he lied in the notes about pd discontinuing meds for this or that reason when in reality the Dr. had forgotten to renew a prescription.  Other times I saw in his notes were he discussed a script with pd yet he never ordered it so it was never tried.

I can remember going to a visit to update on some new and very concerning behaviours that pd was doing that were very disruptive to the family and our interactions in public. 

For example pd had decided to take a large quantity of cash on a vacation. It was 4 or 5 thousand dollars.  He carried it in a shaving bag.  It had to be in front of him at all times.  On the table in a restaurant,  on the dash of car or in his lap at all times.  His preference was out in view instead of discretely on his lap.  This of course ruined the trip, a trip to Orlando where there are rides etc.  The constant hyper vigilance about the bag wore us all down.  The frantic antics in crowded places, was overbearing and embarrassing.

I told the psych about this and his response was that "you never know when s will hit the fan and you will have to pay bribes and buy your way home"

I was amazed I had just heard that from the doc,  I responded with sarcastic laughter and said something like "oh, no that would be my Feff'd up reason for deciding to carry a pouch with too much cash ; he does it because he is afraid it will be stolen if he leaves it at home and refused to put it a safety deposit box because he does not want to go that long without handling it and repeatedly counting it and tidying up the stack it is in.

After that day, not only did the psych become negative toward me , all of the notes about me were.  Comments about me were being made by pd, and recorded and seemingly encouraged by the psychiatrist.

I was not at these next many meetings.  However I recognize some of the stories and conversations recorded in the notes that my spouse told about me as being stories I related to him after witnessing them between another couple.  There were quotes attributed to me that are things the pd says all of the time, and specific pet phrases of his.

Pd about that time became psychotic and increasingly aggressive then violent.  He even threatened suicidal intention to win arguments at that time. 

The psychiatrist wrote in his notes that I was trying to control my pds response to my caustic treatment of him by trying to control the medication protocol by interesting myself into the appoitments and that I wanted to have pd either medicated into submission or hospitalized.

I feel this was a splitting on the part of the psychiatrist due to me calling him out on normalizing disruptive obsessions and encouraging them (he suggested we have weapons in the trunk of the car to fight when money does not work).  Additionally I explained that a new med was never received and an old one was discontinued since the last visit.

He went on a rant about being overworked having a large case load etc etc.  This provider had in his notes that I was a drug rep for a pharmaceutical company.  I remember him saying this on the occasions that I did attend the appointments with pd.  I corrected him politely each time.

Interestingly I did not attend but 4 or 5 monthly appointments over almost 4years and a couple of those I was only in the appointments for the first 10-15 mins so he could have time with pd alone.  I did however occasionally send a note describing any changes in symptoms, any concerns about drug compliance and a description of when and how pd had changed his doses or discounted a drug and what he had expressed as reasons or concerns.  I made point og being clinically descriptive, i.e. no emotional or tatteltailing tone.

These items such as symptoms reported would be verified in the notes as being noticed by the doc, up until the money bag report appointment.  After that the were noted as being in contrast to what the patient self reports and an indication of marital problems.

Anyway having a walk through memory lane on these matters was a painful remembering of a terrible period of time.

Reading these notes by Tue doc confirms my suspicions that the doc lied and was lied to by the pd patient.  It angers me that this man's personal issues interfered with his professional objectivity, and his ability to be competent as a care provider.  I realize that perhaps two entire miserable years could habe been avoided had this man not been my spouse's psychiatrist.

Seeing the lies my spouse told amazingly did not anger me very much.  But rendering how the kids felt about what happened at that time and knowing the diminished relationship with their father that resulted and will continue to diminish the older they get and theore they understand, is a hard thing.

Inam glad this man retired. I do believe he was losing it.

There was damage done at that time that will never be fixed and it could all have been avoided has the meds been changed responsively.  Even the social worker/T has in his notes that there was an increase in systems.

Additionally when an extreme manic episode is exoerienced, cognitive and other functionality can be lost and not regained even after the mania resolves.

[Codeep]

I'm getting PTSD just reading about this shaving kit full of cash.  There is only so much detachment we can do when we are faced with circumstances like that.  Find something peaceful to do.  My current favorites are weeding, biking early in the morning before traffic interferes with serenity and generally getting up early before anyone else is stirring.

[1footouttadefog]

The cash thing was quite a few years back and fortunately or not he moved on to other obsessions.

It's amazing how they will sell the ideas as if they're making a life time commitment to them then poof the spell is broken and their brain chemistry is being tickled by another fancy.