Photos at family functions

[Laurie]

DH's family has always been big on photos, especially at family functions/holidays etc.  Unsil sends out an annual Christmas letter to a long list of extended family with a listing of her activities and a page of assorted pictures from that year.  While I'm not a big fan of all the pictures, I've gotten used to the constant smiling and posing.

A few years ago, she took a candid shot of me while I was opening a present, and captured a less than photogenic look of surprise on my face .  She added this picture to her annual Christmas photo page without my permission.  We were crazy busy at the time, and I didn't confront her.  However, the next year I held up my camera as she approached with hers while I was opening presents (causing her to back off), and requested that she not take a photo.  DH later told her not to include us in her Christmas photo page.  She got upset and said "Well then I won't send it to you".  He said that would be fine.

She seems to have forgotten his request.  She recently sent us an email that she was mad (but "kidding") that a photo wasn't taken of us and other family members at a recent event for her annual photo page.  DH emailed back asking why she sent it.   She said she was teasing but hoping for a photo.

She is coming to visit soon, so I will have to be on my guard for all photos.  I'm not sure if it would be best to discuss this with her directly,  play "gray rock" and pretend not to care, and/or keep my eye on her and hold up my camera in her direction if she attempts a candid shot.  DH and I don't have much interaction with the extended family that would receive the photo page, but I don't enjoy having a less than flattering photo sent out.  Are there any other ideas?  I'm not sure confronting her has much lasting impact.

Several years ago, she handed the camera to me to take the family photo at a group event.  It was at a hotel, so a staff member could have taken the photo.  DH and I were stunned and didn't know how to respond, but I took the picture for her.  I did ask her about it several years later and said the incident had upset me.  She said she didn't remember anything about it.

[SerenityCat]

This all would bother me too.

I think that I would gray rock.

By gray rocking, the hope would be that she would get bored and drop it about photos.

She's playing games by giving you mixed messages, not listening to your requests, and by not learning. Confronting her has not worked.

You could see what happens if you gray rock. She may take photos, including ones you are not fond of, she may work to test you on this. You can see if gray rock eventually causes her to let it go out of boredom.

Another option you can keep handy is to state at each gathering: Do not take any photos of me. You have the right to set that boundary. She may do so anyway.

When asked to take part in the staged photos you can say No thanks and wander away.

Can you avoid being around her?

[Laurie]

By gray rocking, the hope would be that she would get bored and drop it about photos.

She's playing games by giving you mixed messages, not listening to your requests, and by not learning. Confronting her has not worked.

You could see what happens if you gray rock. She may take photos, including ones you are not fond of, she may work to test you on this. You can see if gray rock eventually causes her to let it go out of boredom.

Thanks SerenityCat!  I can't totally avoid her, but I try to be LC. 

I'm thinking I'll grey rock for the photos and not show a reaction unless she does something really obnoxious.  I'm generally OK with the posed photos, but I'll keep an eye out for the candid non-posed photos/sneak attack while I'm opening a present.