Working on not stressing

[athene1399]

I know I sometimes get neurotic about things that end up turning into nothing, but I can't help the hyper-vigilance sometimes. SD is moving into her dorm this week and BM just found out she doesn't have a job again. She thought this place would hire her after her month long temp position, but believe it or not in the first week drama occurred, so they decided they didn't want to hire BM. Instead of putting my energy into worry about what may happen, I'm just focusing on what I need to do this week. SO and I took off work so we can help SD move in. He has a big work truck so will be bringing the bigger stuff SD wanted. BM will be there too (helping probably as much as she helped at the grad party... which is not at all). I'm expecting her just to pet SD while we help carry stuff into her dorm. I'm not even joking. She likes petting her and talking about memories of SD being a baby. It's odd. 

So in the meantime, I'm focusing on self-care so I'll be refreshed in case $h!t gets real at some point.  I've been scheduling in a daily meditation. I didn't have time over the summer and really noticed the difference, so am making sure I get some time in for it from now on. I think I'm going to do a mini home-spa day (if it's not too hot) and do up a bath and relax. I'm really proud of myself. I think me last year would be freaking out, and as of right now I am pretty chill. We assume BM will lose it at some point, but we don't know that for sure. And we've already made it through two mental health hospitalizations, so that will be nothing new if it happens. I just hope BM doesn't drag SD into the middle of it or make her feel guilty for moving out. The good thing is, everyone SD has told she is dorming have been incredibly supportive, telling her what a great idea it is to get out of the house (even BM's family have said this to her). So hopefully if BM is the only one complaining about it, SD will have enough support to not feel bad about her decision. And BM was taking SD to a counselor where she was working on not being a perfectionist and her anxiety. I already let SD know they have free counseling services on campus right by where she is dorming. So hopefully, if she feels overwhelmed she can go there for counseling and doesn't need BM to make an appointment for her elsewhere. I told her I went there as an undergrad and it was helpful. And I have class there two nights a week, so I'll be around if she needs anything. I figure I"ll give her space. I'll just remind her of my schedule, and if she wants to do something before I go to class she can ask. SO's family joked that BM will be sleeping on the floor of SD's dorm, and since she's out of work I wouldn't put is past her to try to hang out there. So I'll do the opposite. I don't want to invite myself over, but I also want SD to know we are there if she needs anything. I also want her to know she is more than competent to do things on her own. So I've been mentioning places on or near campus where she can go to if she needs things.  I hope she thrives away from BM's drama (and hope she is able to get away from it).

[Stepping lightly]

Hi Athene,

I'm glad you are doing self care, that is super important.  It seems like BM might try to pull some high drama shenanigans to get herself some attention while everyone is focused on SD.  Just keep that in mind, and take everything she says with a grain of salt.   It will be super important for SD to create boundaries, this is her chance to spread her wings and fly.  Gently remind her that she will have times where she has to turn the phone off and study, and it's OK!  Maybe if she tells that to BM, "if my phone is off, it's because I'm studying and I can't be distracted"...so that way if BM becomes dramatic, you can reminder her "Oh right, SD said that was going to happen when she is studying".  Hopefully this opens SDs eyes to the world beyond BM and she thrives...so excited for her!

[athene1399]

That is a great idea, SL. Thank you!