Opportunity to whistleblow

[mimzy]

Oh boy. I work as an administrative assistant in a financial office. The woman who is in charge of managing the administrative assistants (among other things)  - let's call her Beth - has a reputation for being difficult and deluded , i.e. gaslighting when employees have the courage to come to her and give negative feedback about her behavior, stopping the negative behavior for a spell and then ramping it up, saying do this and then, when the employee does it, claim she said do it differently. It's gaslighting at its worst. Although I have (yet) to be on the receiving end of this (I keep my distance) I have seen a couple colleagues bear the brunt of her gaslighting. One colleague (let's call her Sue) was getting hammered in particular this whole year. (Sue is the one who had the courage to speak up to Beth's face but, ultimately, Beth's behavior never changed. In fact, it just got worse.) The final straw for Sue was when she helped organize an employee outing and Beth thanked two other subordinates (in front of the whole office) for pitching in and left out Sue. Beth also took the two subordinates out to lunch as a gesture to thank them for helping out and did not invite sue. When sue asked her why, Beth said she should take it up with HR. Well, sue had enough and quit. She also let HR know about the gaslighting/verbal abuse on the way out in her exit interview. Now HR would like to speak to more administrative assistants. Rumor has it that Beth's job is on the line and this might be HR's way of making a case for getting her out. Now, Beth and I have had a cordial relationship thus far but it's not for lack of me being very, very careful where to step. I was bothered by how she treated Sue and think that Beth has behaved very unprofessionally. I hesitate to raise my hand and speak with HR since I've learned that that is a no no. (Nothing you say to HR is confidential and can be used against you.)  Also, I am going on maternity leave in December and am about to start a new schedule at work, a schedule that Beth approved that will enable me to leave early and collect my daughter from school. You see the landmines here, right? However, I am very much against this gaslighting and poor behavior. I am bothered by the decisions Beth has made, playing favorites and leaving others out in the cold just cause she's not willing to see the grain of truth in sue's feedback. In my humble opinion, sue has been there for too long and needs to go! But, like a dictatorship, perhaps if she were to topple, the end result could be disastrous... we could get Beth's boss who is also known for being unreasonable. I don't know what to do! I want to stand up for how sue has been treated but I'm unsure if I have a spoil in this fight. What do you guys think???

[bloomie]

mimzy - If an HR department is doing an investigation of allegations properly they would initiate an interview with you and everyone else in the department I am thinking. You should not be in a position to have to raise your hand and volunteer. Given that you have experience that the HR department is also not discreet, I say go with your gut and keep your distance.

If the HR Department schedules an interview with you, you can ask for reassurances upfront in a polite way, that your privacy will be honored and still be very careful to respond only to what they have asked you specifically about.

It seems like you have found a balance and that you wisely keep your distance and can handle Beth's behaviors by detaching accordingly. It also sounds like the job and future schedule works for you.

If called into an interview I would document every single thing that was said and done in my personal notes, so that if Beth ends up staying around and you all the sudden begin to get push back, you can center yourself and provide documentation of any assurances given you that there would be no push back against you after being interviewed. 

I have found the work of Bill Eddy regarding managing High Conflict People in the Workplace (and in general) to be very helpful with work culture issues like this: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/hci-articles

Good luck with this!

[xredshoesx]

mimzy you are right to be cautious

i got work bullied and the admin who did it got fired.  it seemed like a win at first but then the person who aligned with the staff to help us got his job and ended up being worse......to the point where i walked off my job midyear after she went hard at me when she found out i talked to the union.  just recently i found out she targeted several other people on our staff the same way. 

i agree with bloomie- document, document, document.  keep us posted on the outcome.  this kind of experience with PD/ uPD is often the most difficult to navigate because of the level of gaslighting and triangulation. 

[mimzy]

mimzy - If an HR department is doing an investigation of allegations properly they would initiate an interview with you and everyone else in the department I am thinking. You should not be in a position to have to raise your hand and volunteer. Geiven that you have experience that the HR department is also not discreet, I say go with your gut and keep your distance.

Hi Bloomie, nice to hear from you. I agree with what you wrote above. I am going to keep my distance. Apparently, it is "Employee Relations" that is willing to open/conduct  an investigation on Beth's behavior but they claim that Sue must give them names of the folks willing to talk so they can approach them. I know employee relations is known to be more confidential than HR but I can't be sure. Sue said she will find out from them if this is true. Regardless, the personal examples I can provide when Beth has been inappropriate to *me* are few and far between. The examples I have are rather weak. This is not to say that my friend Sue doesn't have a case. She does. Beth has been rather selective in who she chooses to bully and gaslight. Anyways, thanks again for your note. I checked out the link. Looks good. I look forward to exploring it more when I have a chance.

[KeepingMyBlue]

Advice I got from a good attorney and very decent person: act like nothing is happening at work, but document everything. Audio record things when you can. I took a notepad and pen into every meeting, with my recording phone discreetly tucked under.

Even when my last job was actively looking for reasons to fire me, he said I didn't need him yet, but keep his number close.

I got his number from a coworker that had been through similar, and kept her job. Just "happened" to run into her over lunch outside of the building This advice was free, but would have been worth a lot for the peace of mind I got. (I actually got funny looks when I stopped acting all fearful, and lucked up with an interview before they could act!)

[mimzy]

Advice I got from a good attorney and very decent person: act like nothing is happening at work, but document everything. Audio record things when you can. I took a notepad and pen into every meeting, with my recording phone discreetly tucked under.

Even when my last job was actively looking for reasons to fire me, he said I didn't need him yet, but keep his number close.

Great idea. I will definitely consider recording conversations. Sad that's the only way to cover one's you-know-what in corporations.

I got his number from a coworker that had been through similar, and kept her job. Just "happened" to run into her over lunch outside of the building This advice was free, but would have been worth a lot for the peace of mind I got. (I actually got funny looks when I stopped acting all fearful, and lucked up with an interview before they could act!)