Inner child work: recommendations, experiences?

[TrueRefuge]

Has anybody got any good advice, resources or experiences to share regarding finding, accepting, even loving your inner child...??

I don't have too many problems reaching my younger child self (say up to the age of 9/10) but there a lot of blanks in my childhood, and certainly once I get to my teen years I find it hard to reach that part of myself as frankly, I find her shame and pain really hard to deal with.... Does that make sense to anyone? Has anyone had similar feelings?

I also wonder if I'm intellectualising quite a lot and struggling to actually connect somatically and FEEL what my inner child feels/needs/wants.

Something to bring up in therapy for sure, but thought you smart, lovely bunch might also have some thoughts

[treesgrowslowly]

I think this is important, tricky work. Tricky may not be the right word. Its work that requires us to see if we can connect with the past in a way where we work with it, not re-live the traumatized aspect of how it was first experienced. For example, a fear of dogs stemming from childhood. We have to feel our bodily reaction and remain aware that we are going to now provide the nurturance in response to the bodily reactions. I find this easier said than done.

It's very easy for the body to go into the 4Fs mode (like Pete Walkers book describes). If we had PD parenting, our fear responses as children and teens were not respected. So when we go into flight/ flight / freeze / fawn, our experience of how that response was treated, can come up. For example if we were mocked for being scared of dogs.

We developed coping mechanisms for this but as you know, intellectualizing is a way of trying to cope that doesn't integrate the somatic. The task of connecting with our younger self involves a lot of tough emotions, as you explained in your post. I agree.

How has it been going with this? Have you been able to discuss it with a T?

[doingoveroroverdoing]

I hope this thread gets more replies, and what trees said about intellectualizing makes sense to me. I tried to do this with a therapist I found via google, but I always felt like I was just trying too hard, or pretending in hope it would feel real.

[Drawing_boundaries]

I did some inner child work with a therapist in my teen years. I remember making seperate names for my different selves and talking very lovingly and respectfully to the child. I set up a chair for her and would do it at night when I knew everyone was asleep.

I am not sure if this is considered inner child work in the sense that you are talking about but I remember this period being very good for me. I was easily able to access the child like play space in my brain at this age. I am not sure I would find it so accessible now. I still remember her name. I didn't necessarily go into the trauma specific but she was of the age when trauma occurred in my life.

Looking back on it now I see it as just another extension of creativity in my life which has always offered me healing.

[Whiteheron]

The Inner Child Workbook by Cathryn Taylor.

[mdana]

Somatic experience - therapy OR Sand therapy (of course, with a skilled/trained therapist).

In some cases, EMDR is good  (with a skilled therapist).

Yet, some believe it's not good to go around looking for childhood memories (trauma) that the mind/body has blocked or repressed. They will come out in due time, when the mind/spirit is ready and can handle it.

I would say, love the inner child you already know! And, love the person you ARE NOW . Practice self-love, self-compassion, self-acceptance and self-forgiveness every day -- as you are today. That's been hard enough for me!!

XOXOXO
M

[Sunny_day]

John Bradshaw 'Homecoming'  - classic, highly recommended, 'Healing the shame that binds you'

[Wardog]

Another vote for "Homecoming," by John Bradshaw.  The audio book version includes a guided meditation for "first contact" with the inner child.

[all4peace]

This is a link to a psychologist who does a lot of really high-quality YouTube videos on inner child work. This particular video is the culmination of a series on the inner child. I'd also suggest doing a search for "inner child" on this forum as we've had some good and informative threads on the topic. Good luck!

I also have huge memory gaps in my childhood and adult life. Sometimes an old photo can help re-connect us to our younger selves. If you don't even have that, then take a look at the kids in your life or around you to get a sense of what it's like to be at certain ages.

I do understand what you mean by feeling a sense of reluctance to reach that child that feels unlovable and shameful. For me, being a mother and auntie, it was unfathomable to me that any child would be anything but delightful, lovable and cherished. That helped me connect to my own child self, who never felt any of those things but surely was/should have been. Hope that helps.

[Ninaniner]

I have tried to connect with my younger self by talking to photographs of her, I've also had some success with uncovering memories from childhood using visualisation exercises, but nothing structured.
I haven't done much reading or research in the area although it does interest me so I am keen to learn from others on this thread!