Frustrated yet again

[moglow]

🤗 I'm gonna be okay, better than okay I think. I feel like a huge weight has lifted, and my nearest dear ones are firmly in my corner. The only "negativity" has been their wishes it had happened years ago. It felt good to laugh at myself over the idiocy of it all, and that's pretty big given what I came from.

[Penny Lane]

She really did prove to me that nothing has changed, it's not all in my mind (yes, I still believed that), and how little she thinks of me. Strangely enough, I'd almost guarantee she's telling herself the same things - and yes, that's disturbing. My one fear all my life has been, becoming that woman. Am I???

Nooooo, she projects. Banish that thought from your mind.

Congratulations for taking this very healthy - and, it sounds like, necessary - step.

Everyone has to do this on their own timeline. The fact that you tried so long and so hard, to me, says good things about you - kindness and forgiveness and patience. You will never have to wonder if you could have done something else to make things work. You tried everything.

I think you are going to be great, so much happier and freer! I am so, so happy for you.

[WomanInterrupted]

You are NOT turning into her!  No worries there! 

Lord knows, you *tried.*  It wasn't like there was *one* tiny bit of difficulty, and you threw your hands in the air and said, "Oh well."

You've endured a *lifetime* of ongoing abuse and were still willing to have something of a relationship with her.  I'd say that showcases your kindness, patience, and willingness to forgive - but she wouldn't give ONE millimeter and had to start saying nasty, negative stuff, that paints herself as the victim and you as the villain.   

You gave her enough rope, and she finally hung herself with it.  Funny how that turns out to be true with PDs, more often than not.

All your mom had to do was be *civil.*  She couldn't even do that for a couple of bloody minutes!  Hell, unBPD Didi kept it up for *one whole sentence* before she was back to being herself - I think they get to the age that they just don't *care* anymore, and all effort at  projecting a false self to those of us who have seen the real self FAR too often, go right out the window. 

UnBPD Didi and unNPD Ray  drove everybody in their lives away - I was just the last casualty in a very long line of them.  I imagine your mom is the same way, and has had people ghost her, move and not tell her, change jobs just to get away from her, and like Didi and Ray, she probably always wondered WHY friends would be SO awful, and do that, when they were friends, or neighbors!

The blame, of course, was NEVER  on Didi and Ray - but they just picked the wrong people to befriend, and those people were always *deficient* in some way, or downright *evil.* 

I imagine Didi thought the same thing about me, when I wouldn't visit at the hospital or the lair, and called with less and less frequency, using Medium Chill only, and not getting invested in her problems.  I imagine Ray thought it too,  when I stopped returning his, "YOU GOTTA..." and "I  FELL!" calls.   

Your mom is probably over there, cursing you blue, when you, like me, did *nothing* wrong.  We just wanted to have somewhat manageable relationships, but instead, got kicked in the teeth too  many times - so we threw in the towel, because it was the only option left.

There's only so much you can take, and the definition of insanity is repeating the same action, over and over again, and expecting a different outcome.

You're NOT insane, nor do you want to *go* insane, listening to the constant stream of negativity and blame that comes out of your mother's mouth, so you did the sensible thing and said, "No more.  This stops." 

I'm VERY proud of you, Moglow!   

I think we all get to a point, sooner or later, that we realize nothing is ever going to change or get better - instead, it's only getting worse, and shows no sign of improvement, ever.

There is no hope - only No Contact, for our *own* self-preservation and sanity.

We can't help them, save them or rescue them, but we can help, save and rescue *ourselves* - and have our revenge in the forms of success, happiness and lives well-lived.   

[moglow]

Indeed - all mother had to do at that point was be civil, same as she would be and has been with countless others. But yes, she's alone for a reason. Everyone who would put up with or excuse her tantrums is either passed on or lives far enough away that it doesn't touch them. Yet.


I can't help but believe underlying this is some strange final plan. Maybe she wants to move elsewhere, wants an ironclad excuse why she's not living near or in touch with family. I have no idea - I just know none of her accusations made any kind of sense, not on their own or whatever reason she had for throwing them at me.

Mother's set sail off into the whatever future remains for her, systematically burning bridges as she goes. I wish her joy of it.

[moglow]

Update:

I should have blocked her. Text this morning says she doesn't dare talk to me. What, you think there's more damage left to be done? There are pilings left on some bridge somewhere that might yet be destroyed?!? Yeah no. Have at it, say what's on your mind already.

You can't imagine what your son and family have been told that have driven them away. Really?? Really. Think of how you've treated them - they don't need to look to me.

Things you said to me have been turned into lies - and how does THAT work, exactly? You either said them or you didn't. Going with your usual "That's not what i meant" wouldn't hold water either, so don't even.

Frustrated with myself this time. 😑

[illogical]

Well, to quote from the Jerome Kern song--

"So take a deep breath, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again."

[WomanInterrupted]

Agreed!

Pick yourself up, hold your head high, and block her number.  You'll thank yourself because there's a never-ending well of verbal abuse for her to pick and choose from.  That's WHO she is and  HOW she is - and you deserve NONE of it. 

If you have an Iphone 6 or later, her texts will go to limbo, while appearing to be sent  , but her VMs will be sent to your blocked folder.  Make sure you clear it out (without listening to them, because who needs to hear more of THAT  ) or you might find out she's filled up your entire VM, and the next caller who tries will hear only, "Voice mail is full.  Try again later."

I only mention it since you use your phone at work and probably want people to be able to leave VMs.

But...if you don't, or just don't care if its full, leave the stuff and she won't be able to hassle you. 

Your mother *deserves* to be blocked.  She's not fit to speak to others - especially you, who are an integral part of this community, and have helped so many - including me.

And she's proven she's *just not going to stop.*  NO!  She has to take her dump on you before getting on with her day, feeling smug that she's once again made you feel like shit, with her lies and specious claims. 

She can tell 'em to your voicemail, which actually won't *care* - and I think you'll start to feel a lot stronger and healthier with each one that you delete, because *you don't have to hear it.* 

It's amazing the difference it makes when the person who is doing that no longer has the ability to do so.   

You deserve to feel GOOD about life, not walking around thinking, "I wonder what crap she's going to spout at me this time, and what kind of idiotic power trips she's going to try to play?" 

[moglow]

Thx for the spot check!! I stumbled, but yes, back up, dust off and go back to my own dance.

I did makes mental note earlier though - historically I've had a visceral and almost immediate physical response to conflict with mommie dearest. Other than being very tired last weekend (which also makes sense), this time ... not so much.  No migraine. No vicious stomach upset. Sleep isn't any more disrupted than usual. Pretty good overall, i'd say. I also saved her texts to a folder, deleted them from my inbox so I'm not staring at them every day.

Doesn't hurt that this morning brother doc brought in a variety of cbd gummies for staff to test. I have sleep for later, took two "calm" this morning. It's a pretty damn good day.

[illogical]

So glad you are doing well! 

It sounds like you have made great strides in emotionally detaching from your mother.    That's really key IMHO to moving on with your life.