Moving To The New Phase - Looking For A Home

Started by Kat54, August 22, 2019, 08:38:51 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Kat54

The next phase of the divorce is coming. We have a stipulation agreement to sign, and then my stxh will have 45 days after its signed to secure the mortgage and the money he will have to buy me out of our house.  As my lawyer says this all looks good on paper.  He thinks this is all smoke and mirrors and will all blow up in his face and he will not be able to purchase the house. Praying this is not the case.

My next dilemma that I have to work out is where will I live. I'll have enough for a down payment toward a home, plus I have some money from an inheritance from my father that I will use some of.  My family all are weighing in with opinions so its making me a little crazy.  Don't buy a house, purchase a condo or townhouse, less work as far as yard, maintenance.  Buy a condo or townhouse, I have to consider my artwork. I'm an artist and need a studio, like an entire room, and its storing artwork, paints, easel's.  Right now most of my art supplies are in the house we own together but that will all have to move. A house will work better maybe, unless I find a place that has a lower level for storage.

Location is my other problem. I work as a graphic artist and my commute right now is 1 1/2 hours to my job, on a good day. I live in a large metro area and traffic is a big thing.  I commute with my boss so I actually drive 2-3 days out of the week. But she will be retiring in the next couple years.  Have to also consider my kids and proximity to them. They are adults, and right now will continue to live in our home with their father. Daughter just graduated college and son works for his father.  I see them maybe once a week, if that. Sometimes we go longer as they look to me to make plans to get together, and at the moment I live right behind them in my sisters summer cottage. But they make very little effort to see me. So if I stay close to them and still do my long commute, will I see them, will they stop in?  Their father is very controlling and keeps them very close to him. if they come see me for certain things I hear about how angry he gets that they are ditching him.  Yes, he's a victim.

If I move an hour away I'm worried I'll see them even less. I know they are adults and they can learn also to make the effort. Its more my daughter I worry about leaving behind. Its already bad enough I moved out and left them but will they get resentful that I move farther away for my job?  And the area I would move to I won't really know anyone, its more in the country, I'll be far from my siblings and close friends. Many things to consider..

Poison Ivy

Kat54, if I come up with anything that might be useful, I'll respond at more length.  Good luck with this big decision.

Spygirl

Soo,

When my parents got divorced, i was 20, and my younger siblings were all teens. My mother moved away with a boyfriend (she was the pd in my case)
It was a relief in that there was no tension anymore in the hs. We just stopped hearing about it.

When i was in my late 20's all my siblings had moved OUT OF STATE. It was ok. We could talk on the phone, and had our own lives to live. I was the only one left where we started.

What i am getting at, it that your adult kids are entering a busy period in thier own lives now. They love you, but they have things to do. You may even see them more if you are away from where your ex can see interactions. No tension.

You need to be able to take care of yourself and have a comfortable life. Time to focus on yourself, and your current journey. There is alot happening. It will be ok.

Medowynd

You need to think about your long term future.  Where is the best location for your job, your commute, your eventual retirement.  At some point, your children will fly the coop away from their father.  It may be down the block or the other side of the country.  So look to what is important for you and will be the best way to invest for your future. 

Both my daughters left for college at 18 and except for an occasional summer visit, they never lived with me again.  They also moved over a 1000 miles away from home.

Poison Ivy

Same here, Medowynd.  My adult children left the state for college, and then moved to other out-of-state locations after graduating.  One is 1,000 miles away, the other is 2,000 miles away. The one who is 2,000 miles away is in graduate school and probably will move again when that's done.

Kat54

Thank you all for the input. I know even though I feel like I don't see them, they are becoming adults and who knows where they will end up. That's why I'm trying to think long term and whats best for now with my job. They may feel upset at first but i know they will understand that wherever I go it won't for now be too far. I drove up to work this morning. Its 68 miles one way and got up there in an hour and 10 minutes. Its a lot more country like and where we live is very urban and busy so it feels farther for that reason....but its really not.

In the fall I'll start a very active search and look in both locations, and take the two of them with me if i find something that interests me and that they can have some say in, as I want them to visit of course or sometimes stay if they need to.

Medowynd

I read your comments about the ExH and his hoarding tendencies.  I believe that your children will enjoy visiting you in a quiet, clean peaceful home.  Just another thought to encourage you in your search.