Hello

[Ocean44]

Hello everybody,
I would like to briefly introduce myself. I am a 44 year old man living in New England. I have been married to a wife with severe PTSD and (likely) some form of borderline personality disorder from a very traumatic childhood with a physically abusive father. We have been married for about 15 years now, have two kids, and life is extremely difficult with her as most of my actions with the children are already charged by her childhood experiences and her mood is extremely volatile. She has finally started to see a psychiatrist and is now on meds. But while things are slowly improving, there has been so much damage done and her name calling, verbally abusive fights with threats of divorce still happen every now and then. I am not a perfect husband but I am definitely not a bad one and I feel like this is a one sided relationship and I am tired of trying to support her despite how she treats me. I am seeing a therapist just to survive the days but there is only so much I can do to make this work.

[Penny Lane]

Hi Ocean and welcome! You are in the right place. There are lots of people here who are or have been exactly in your shoes and know how hard it is.

As you get settled in I recommend the toolbox and the other resources at the top of the page. There are tons of strategies for de-escalating and minimizing the damage to yourself.

I'm glad to hear you're seeing a therapist - it's so good to take care of your needs and mental health.

I'm looking forward to hearing more from you around the boards.

[Undiscovered]

Ocean44

Sorry to hear you are having such rough time. This place is amazing and you will get lots of support and advice.

I just wanted to reply mainly with regard to the PTSD. I had cPTSD for 15 plus years and saw dozens of counsellors and psychiatrists. I tried CBT, sex therapy everything. It was hell. It got so much worse after I had kids. I was so angry all of the time that I scared myself. Eventually my GP who is amazing, referred me for EMDR therapy. Google it. It changed my life. After 6 sessions the abuse became nothing more than a memory. Almost all my triggers were turned off, I stopped having flashbacks etc. There was and still is work to do on my self esteem and assertiveness (I am still terrified of conflict) but that constant adrenaline rush is gone, my M.E. vanished bc my body wasn't in constant fight or flight mode.

Also EFT is good if you can get past the hippyness of it.

I don't have a PD so I can't say if it will be as helpful for your wife but you never know.

Good luck with everything. And stay strong xx

[Starboard Song]

I am not a perfect husband but I am definitely not a bad one and I feel like this is a one sided relationship and I am tired of trying to support her despite how she treats me. I am seeing a therapist just to survive the days but there is only so much I can do to make this work.

We've had members here who not only maintain their relationships, but call them "loving" and "complete." They say this in spite of continued struggle with a PD. The points I see them mention most are Boundaries, 50-50 rule, and 51% rule. Check out our Toolbox and the Committed to Working On It topical board.

Good luck!