Free Writing & Brainstorming

[SandorS@DEyes]

I work 3 weekends each month, which is sort of a raw deal but its always just me and one other guy- no bosses, no other staff around.  We try to keep things quiet and light (government work, anyone?) and I personally sort of like working weekends because it gives me an opportunity to be alone without a lot of distractions. 

I have so much going on right now- I filed for divorce from my wife after 8.5 years, moved back in with my parents where my mom (diagnosed with depression and bi-polar) and my sister (likely a Narc or maybe BP) aren't helping my recovery efforts much, dealing with not seeing my kids...just a lot of heavy stuff.  I used to do a lot of fiction writing and decided journaling would be a good, constructive thing I could do, especially during my quiet weekends at work. 

When I was writing a lot I inevitably would get writer's block.  The most helpful advice I ever got was to not worry about the mechanism of it, the "why" of it.  Just. Write. Anything.  That always worked pretty well for me when the blank page seemed determined to remain so in spite of my best efforts. 

Today when I sat down with a pen and paper I had no idea what I wanted to say; I knew I had a lot to say, a lot of feelings and ideas, but I couldn't form it into anything.  My best stories never began as well-thought out or micro-managed plot lines or character sketches.  They were simply snippets of an idea or a flash of an image- for instance I had an alarm clock for a long time and one day it started flashing weird jargon and then it died.  At the time I was digging around for an idea about a demonic entity that instructs a man to kill, and there it was - "What if an alarm clock told you to kill someone?"  So that's what I did, instead of full-on journaling in complete sentences or thoughts I just began writing words.  Words that describe my life now, or used to describe my life.  Words I hope to use to describe myself in the future.  I didn't think very hard and I didn't sit with any one word for very long.  The free writing eventually took on a flow and I was "in the zone", which has always been a very therapeutic place for me to be.  Its why I enjoy working out, detailing my car and playing guitar.  I think "the zone" is a place where the subconscious mind works the way it does during sleep, and its why some really great minds have recommended just forgetting whatever problem you're working on or solution you're after to go to do something completely unrelated.  That's when the eureka! moment comes, when the monkey mind is occupied with polishing a fender or learning a chord progression.  Its a relaxed but active state that's like letting air into a stuffy room.

I'd like to share my list and hope it moves someone who gets "stuck" journaling.  This isn't composition class, and no one is judging you on your mastery (or lack thereof) of grammar or even the content on the page.  Its enough to have done it in that moment.  It meant something then and chances are it will mean new things next week, next year and so on.  To quote an old writer friend, its the work which moves us, not the results.

I think next I may group them into lose categories (Hobbies, Interests, Self-Care) and write about the significance that word has for me.  Ultimately I'm hoping to form a map (maybe a worm-hole is more accurate) that both leads me back to who I was before my toxic marriage and guides me to who I want to become.  I hope these words become something like guideposts along the way.  I know I felt better after finishing, so that's a start.

Boundaries
Standards
Self-Care
Hobbies
Interests
Friends
Meditation
Mindfulness
Spirituality
Writing
Mental Health
Chess
Guitar
Detailing
Lifting
Photography
Snow-Shoeing
Pipes
Tobacco
Fatherhood
Divorce
Pain
Denial
Anger
Emotions
Philosophy
Sex
Bonding
Trauma
Recovery
Love
Kindness
Patience
Acceptance
Intuition
Healing
Wound
Values
Biking
Stress
Anxiety
Relax
Sunday
Alcohol
Strength
Reading

[all4peace]

Very interesting! I don't have time to more fully comment right now, but my response here will make sure this thread pops up for me again when I can more fully dive into this topic.

I lost a dear friend recently, and one of her last gifts to me was a beautiful journal. I haven't written a word. I enjoy "typing" writing, but I haven't just written journaled maybe ever? I am very much being pulled to begin doing so but have no idea how to begin, so thank you for this topic!

[athene1399]

What a great idea. Thank you for sharing!