Questions for a therapist---was I being unreasonable?

[frogjumpsout]

Thanks, Scarlet, and Lauren, I'm so glad it's potentially helpful! I'd love to hear whether the questions are working for you.

[SaltwareS]

If the therapist has been practicing for decades and they have nobody who recommends them, I would be wary. And click through to read recommendations, sometimes therapists who can afford to will pay for a link that looks like they're in a top ten list and it's just an advertisement.

[frogjumpsout]

Thanks, Saltware, both good points. In this case, the therapist was highly recommended by a close friend---but different strokes, right?

[SaltwareS]

It's possible the therapist didn't know how long your questions would go on. Sometimes it's worth seeing a mediocre therapist then graduating to a better one. It's a very imperfect process.

[frogjumpsout]

Saltware, I asked for a 10-15 minute phone chat and the actual length was 8 minutes.

Personally, I heavily disagree with the idea of seeing a mediocre therapist for any length of time. But, as I said, different strokes.

[SaltwareS]

I don't think there's any therapist that is awesome. But if you said 10-15 minutes and after 8 minutes the therapist got huffy then geeze, skip.

I don't have a ton of faith in that profession. I had some horrendous experiences and many mediocre ones.

[JollyJazz]

frogjumpsout,

Firstly I think you did so well for asking these questions! They are great questions, and I think its great that you are being proactive in asking them High five!

Her response sounds very disappointing, it sounds like she is making it sound like you somehow did something wrong by asking these questions (which you didn't) and implying that it is abnormal to ask questions of a therapist (by comparing you to others). Definite red flags! You did nothing wrong!

It sounds like the screening is working well because it picked up her response!

I know those of us who grew up around PD's were often raised with the idea that if someone disapproves we are in the wrong and should be ashamed...

Here are some resources I've been reading recently that might also be of interest to you:

SIX questions to ask your therapist:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-questions-everyone-should-ask-their-therapist/?li_source=LI&li_medium=popular17

Red flags:
https://psychcentral.com/lib/therapists-spill-red-flags-a-clinician-isnt-right-for-you/?li_source=LI&li_medium=popular17

An article on qualities of a good therapist:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-do-you-find-a-good-therapist-an-interview-with-dr-john-grohol/?li_source=LI&li_medium=popular17

Awesome therapists do exist, but screening out the bad ones (which you are doing -awesome!) is part of finding them. I'm moving town so I had to say goodbye to my totally awesome therapist today :''( Sob. So like you, I'm sure going to be screening well for the next one.

I had a bad therapist before, my first therapist - before I knew what good therapy should be like, and also after a lifetime of PD abuse.
Now I know that I don't have to put up with that it is very empowering

Best wishes It sounds like you are on the right track!!!

[frogjumpsout]

Thanks very much, Jolly! I'll take a look at those links!

[frogjumpsout]

Thank you also, Jolly, for the spot-on analysis---so spot-on I had to step away for a few minutes to let it sink in!

[JollyJazz]

Hi Frogjumpsout,

I am so glad it was useful

My previous therapist recommended this website for finding a new one:
https://www.onlinecounselling.com/

I was looking at one of the profiles and she directly said...
"One of the best predictors of success in therapy is a good, trusting relationship with a therapist... I offer a free 15-minute consultation and I am happy to answer any questions you might have."

I feel like an attitude like that is basic professionalism from a therapist!

Best wishes for your good therapist hunt!

[frogjumpsout]

Thank you, Jolly, I'll try that!