Is This Behavior A Sign of A Personality Disorder

[HunterGladstone]

Twice in the last ten days, my wife has been in a situation where life has demanded something from her.

First, the vegetable crisper on our refrigerator wouldn't close fully. This meant she had to take everything off the bottom shelf of the refrigerator readjust the shelf and put everything back. When the shelf was properly in place, the crisper drawer closed fully.

As she was doing all this, she began sobbing. This is a regular pattern. When a chore comes up that she finds frustrating or whatever, she burst into sobs. I don't actually see tears in these situations, but she scrunches up her face and makes the sobbing sound.

This morning, she was trying to screw a doorknob onto a door in our house, and it didn't go easily so she started doing the sobbing thing again. This time, she did it in front of our youngest daughter which really concerns me.

Is this behavior a sign that something is really wrong?

[SerenityCat]

I guess that I would call this behavior "maladaptive". It doesn't really work, at least not in a healthy fashion.

The behavior could be part of a personality disorder, stress, bad habit, enjoyment of drama, waifishness - there are lots of possibilities.

Info on waifs: https://sharischreiber.com/borderline-waifs-and-unsung-heroes/

What happens if you ask her "Do you need help?" "Are you okay?"".

[Penny Lane]

Do you get the sense that she's doing it to be manipulative, like she wants you to do the chore instead of her? Or do you think she truly is that stressed and frustrated?

What SerenityCat asked about what she does next - that might help you figure out the answer to that.

If it's the first one, then yeah, manipulative behavior can be a sign of a personality disorder or fleas.

If it's the second thing - that she's truly that stressed and frustrated - maybe it's a problem with emotional regulation. Which can also be a PD trait, now that I think about it. This is something that most of us learn when we're kids, basically that our feelings don't have to rule our actions. But many PDs I've come across don't seem to have that skill. Others don't as well. Either way, it's a trait that can make someone incredibly volatile, it basically leads to adults having toddler or teenager type meltdowns.

I think you're right to be worried about your daughter - you want kids to learn MORE emotional regulation, not that it's OK to throw a fit every time you're minorly frustrated. An author I really like is Bill Eddy, he writes about dealing with difficult people and he talks about the traits they lack. These are the same traits you want to teach kids to make them resilient: flexible thinking/problem solving, managed emotions and moderate behaviors.

[all4peace]

Is it possible she's overwhelmed? Being a mom is tough. Lack of sleep, lots of needs to be met, often not enough time or energy for self-care.

[Penny Lane]

Is it possible she's overwhelmed? Being a mom is tough. Lack of sleep, lots of needs to be met, often not enough time or energy for self-care.

A good gut check might be, is she like this all the time or is it in times of stress? I think we all tend to revert to less than healthy behavior in times of stress.

[Free2Bme]

 

HunterGladstone,
If there is a way, I would rule out something physiological first, it could be cortisol is low (they can check these levels), maybe serotonin is low?
It could be exhaustion and/or overload (mental, physical, emotional), maybe she is just at the tipping point and not able to articulate for herself what she needs.   
Sometimes, there is shame with this because we feel that as adults we should have it together and be able to cope, only to discover we feel defeated by crisper drawers.  I'm not making light of the situation, because I have had my moments when little stuff seems big, and I am normally a very high functioning overachiever type .  Sleep deprivation is an evil beast that can make a person not themselves and the black dog of depression can make everything feel mountainous.
Wishing you patience and clear thinking as you consider the best approach

[11JB68]

Agreeing with the others that it messy or may not be apd behavior. But I see it in my uOCPDh and I see it a lack of frustration tolerance. Before I married him his sister told me that he can't handle any amount of stress