What now?

[Roza]

Well one of my sisters (sy) emailed me to ask how I was doing.  Bcz both(sy and bd) were over the other day. This is the more genuine one,  she emailed that she knows that our meeting was very hard on me the most. Which it was. But she also said that she's not sorry for what she wrote from a previous email that pushed me over the edge. She said she did it out of tough love because I was standoffish. I did not see myself as standoffish I was seeing myself as actually being happy being me for the first time in my life. I was not anyone's doormat anymore. I don't think I can take them on into my life so openly again. My NPD sister was very cold and she was the one who asked if my therapist is put me on meds already. That it took her two years to get over her divorce. I feel that she needs the therapy so she can get a narcissistic Tendencies out. I have to learn to be more assertive and to take care of myself. My sister Sy says that they are both here for me as support systems if I need them. But to be honest I don't trust them after what they've said and what they've done. I need to take care of myself for myself. My husband and my children are my support system. So are my friends that I know I can count on. Is it wrong for me to want to take care of myself for once in my 50 years? I don't want to be a doormat for anyone else ever again I don't want to be The Lost Child the scapegoat or the child adult. I want to be me I want to be happy.

[athene1399]

I don't see anything wrong with you creating your own support system of people that you trust (like your H). If you don't trust your sisters, I wouldn't overshare anything. Try to stick to grey rock/medium chill responses when they ask questions you aren't comfortable answering. If they ask you what's going on, you can say things are fine. You don't have to open up to them about anything.

[Roza]

Thank you for your response. That is exactly what I was thinking of answering simply and not giving out any more information than necessary. Because I deserve to be happy too. I don't need their negativity, I don't need them to pester me, I don't need them to pull me back in to a life that wasn't my own.

[WomanInterrupted]

I agree - create your own support system of people you trust, and derail the information train when it comes to your sisters, by using Medium Chill/Grey Rock. 

Medium Chill is in the Toolbox, and it's basically like talking to a stranger at a bus stop.  You wouldn't over-share information.  You'd stick to light, neutral topics, like gardening and the weather and keep things *superficial.*

If asked if your doctor put you on meds yet, I'd respond, "That's between the doctor and me, but thanks for your concern." - and change the subject. 

If told you're "standoffish" I'd respond, "What an interesting observation - anyway..." - and change the subject. 

If asked why you're not telling them anything and being so *secretive,* I'd respond, "I'm sorry you feel that way - and *change the subject.* 

Yes, you're going to get very good at  changing the subject - preferably back to *them* to get you out of the hot seat. 

I think both your sisters, to a degree, take pleasure in winding you up and making you feel bad.  Medium Chill will take that ability away from them.  You remain calm and detached, at all times, handing them no ammo to use against you - they're not going to like that, but TOUGH.

You are not a toy, for their amusement.  You are a human being who deserves the respect and common courtesy we show others. 

I wouldn't be surprised if your sisters start distancing themselves or minimizing contact once they can't push your buttons - that's actually a *good* thing.  You don't need that negativity and toxicity in your life. 

And you might find you actually *like* the space.  At first, it might hurt like hell, but if you let yourself sit with the discomfort of being discarded, while doing *nothing* about it but allowing it to happen, you'll begin to feel better and realize it's *okay.*  That's what you need, for your own path of recovery.