Advice please! False fears at better job

[KeepingMyBlue]

I'm at a better job now, and it's been a few months, but I'm still reacting with old fears. I'm afraid to ask for help because that was blood in the water at the last place. I get panicky every time I'm called in for a meeting. I'm still audio recording every meeting.

It's bad because my current manager uses the same phrases the last one did, with far better tone and intent. I think they had the same training course. I try to focus on the differences, and it helps, but sometimes I still get triggered and she asks why I look afraid.

My last job has a reputation, which is only half the truth of all the bullying. All I confirm is that "they allowed a lot of unprofessional things to keep going on." I'm afraid whining too much will make it seem like I was the problem. I keep apologizing and keep trying, but I'm so afraid fleas will lose me this good job.

All advice welcome, thanks

Blue

[SerenityCat]

Are you in therapy? Can you see a social worker or a therapist, at least for a few sessions?

Could a trial of an anti-anxiety medication be helpful?

I encourage you to reach out for support. You can get help learning how to manage stress and how best to cope with being triggered. You can learn relaxation techniques.

When your current manager asks why you look afraid, what do you tell her? Does she seem supportive?

Congrats on finding a better job! Now you are able to start recovering from the past.

[KeepingMyBlue]

SerenityCat, I'm not in therapy, but I think this is more than I can handle alone.

[Thru the Rain]

I'm sorry that you have to go through this!

We get the message through TV and movies that we should just let work stress go. That's it's not a big deal.

But in terms of the number of hours, for most people it's one of the biggest time investments we make, and work stress can easily impact you during your off-work hours. I can completely related to not trusting a situation, being triggered when the "old" boss's words come out of the "new" boss's mouth.

Check to see if you have an EAP (Employee Assistance Plan) through work. It's sometimes a stand-alone benefit, and sometimes its offered through your medical benefits.

EAPs are available to help you with any issues you're having, and are completely confidential. Nothing is ever shared back with your employer (thank you HIPAA!)

My DH used my EAP a few years ago to find a therapist to help deal with anxiety. During his initial phone call, they asked a few questions and then set him up with a local therapist. The EAP will usually pay for the first few visits, and then you can usually switch over to your medical coverage.

You may also want to look into something like yoga or other physical exercise. I recently took up yoga - mostly as a way to ease into any sort of fitness routine. I have been stunned to discover how much stress relief I've been getting from this. And I'm sure any physical exercise would work to increase the positive chemicals, work out stress, and generally be consuming enough that you forget to think about work.

Meditation is also so helpful. Doesn't have to be spiritual. I have a mindfulness meditation app on my phone that really helps. I think there are a bunch of options for apps - some free, some with a fee.

[TurkeyGirl]

If this job is a safe, normal work environment they'll definitely understand. It's still something you have to solve by yourself, with the suggestions already given, but it might be valuable talking to your manager. She'll know how to guide you.

As for what you're saying about 'whining'. I get it. I'm always very hesitant to talk to others about what happened to me, but please... You're not crazy, it's not you, and every healthy, normal person will see it that way.