Rehearsing forthcoming conversations

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Writingthepain

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Rehearsing forthcoming conversations
« on: August 31, 2019, 11:49:11 AM »
My npd mom has done this for as long as I've known her. When she has to talk to someone about something she will obsessively rehearse what she is going to say. What words, what tone, what her response will be if they respond with a or if they respond with b.

She makes me rehearse for her anything I have to say on her behalf to anyone even getting angry when I don't use the right tone or facial expressions and making me do it again until I've got it right.

Last week she rehearsed for several hours before going to her drs and asking with a huge lenthly explanation for a small change in her medicine... the drs response? "Yeah fine" it really wasn't an issue.
Has anyone else noticed this tendency?

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Bloomie

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Re: Rehearsing forthcoming conversations
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2019, 12:21:17 PM »
Writingthepain - this could be an anxiety behavior or someone who believes their words have great power over others and who would even go so far as to attempt to put their words into your mouth - or both of those things. I call this kind of thing with a controlling and consumed with self uPDmil making molehills into mountains.

She makes me rehearse for her anything I have to say on her behalf to anyone even getting angry when I don't use the right tone or facial expressions and making me do it again until I've got it right.
I was wondering what strategies you have used that have been helpful with this?


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SunnyMeadow

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Re: Rehearsing forthcoming conversations
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2019, 12:33:11 PM »
Last week she rehearsed for several hours before going to her drs and asking with a huge lenthly explanation for a small change in her medicine... the drs response? "Yeah fine" it really wasn't an issue.
Has anyone else noticed this tendency?

Yes, my uNPDm does pretty much the same thing. She will go over her thoughts and reasons for discussing something with her doctor. She used to go over it with me for hours. She kept talking about certain medical things on the phone, email and in person. These are incredibly mild and (to me) non-issue things but she'd obsess over the topic. It's almost as if she was afraid of making the doctor mad by taking control of her own healthcare.

My mom would help me formulate what to say in great detail but didn't make me rehearse with facial expressions and tone. 


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11JB68

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Re: Rehearsing forthcoming conversations
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2019, 12:40:45 PM »
This:  "She makes me rehearse for her anything I have to say on her behalf to anyone even getting angry when I don't use the right tone or facial expressions and making me do it again until I've got it right."
I would consider this proxy recruitment. UOCPDH does this to me, basically giving me a script of what to say.

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moglow

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Re: Rehearsing forthcoming conversations
« Reply #4 on: August 31, 2019, 12:54:02 PM »
Quote
She makes me rehearse for her anything I have to say on her behalf to anyone even getting angry when I don't use the right tone or facial expressions and making me do it again until I've got it right.

Have you suggested she have that/those conversation herself in future, leave you out of it entirely? At best, have you there as support? I mean really - I understand her expectations of you in that regard, but why not cut out the middle man? Not in a disgusted or "attitude" tone, maybe tamp that down and ask as if you just thought of it. Just a thought.

Side note - My brother has walked in on mommie dearest several times in recent months - full on conversation (or argument) in progress. No one in the house, and she's not on the phone. He says he can't tell if she's replaying the past or rehearsing for the future. He has mentioned that her alternate reality is continually shifting, depending on her current or anticipated audience.
« Last Edit: August 31, 2019, 12:55:42 PM by moglow »
"Expectations are disappointments under construction.  ~ Cap'n Spanky

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Writingthepain

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Re: Rehearsing forthcoming conversations
« Reply #5 on: August 31, 2019, 01:35:44 PM »
Hi wow that's freaky, having a conversation with noone. Having said that several times I've walked out the room without my mom realising and shes carried on talking for up to 30 minutes without realizing.
These days I just tell her "no I'm not going to rehearse this, that doesn't work for me"