Am I being naive?

[brigitte]

I have a non-diagnosed, but probably BPD, sister.
She lives with my parents, but she’s getting worse each day.
My mother has Alzheimer, in the early stages.
My sister tries to impose her will and she is constantly offending my parents. Name calling is a constant. She broke a door, in a tantrum, recently, and she started to create fictional narratives, in order to depreciate family members.
She told me to move back home, to take care of them, but I think she’s just trying to get me in that spiral of rage and craziness again. 
After that broken door, my brother is talking about implementing legal measures to prevent my parents from being abused.
It’s a very delicate issue.
I am trying to just remove my parents from that house and convincing them to move near me (hundreds of miles away from her).
My brother thinks this is not going to be enough and I am naive. Or, as I’ve read here, an enabling sister.
I can’t help feeling sorry for her. This is so, so sad. But her behavior is excessive, she shows no respect and it’s a matter of time until she tries to control my parents’ finances as well. If she controls their money, she will control them entirely.
I’m considering talking to her psychiatrist and letting him know about her violent and abusive behavior.
I’m aware of those 3 C’s. I know I can not make her get treatment, but at least I would like to try.
Am I being too naive, too enabling?
Some people gets better. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.
I think beneath all that rage and abuse, there’s a human being there.
Her self-steem is very low, she blames everyone for her own mistakes, she probably envies me and my brother, and her urge to control everything is very intense.
If only she could accept help...

[SerenityCat]

Personally, if I was in your situation, I would reduce contact with everyone involved.

If I heard that my mother was in danger, I would call police or adult protective services and ask them to do a welfare check. If I thought danger was extreme and currently happening I would call the police and tell them.

I would definitely not move back home to take care of parents and deal with difficult sister.

If my brother was not abusive, and if talking about all this with him did not depress or make me anxious, I might stay in limited touch with him. If he wants to try to intervene with parents and sister, he can do so. I would not be involved.

I would not try to remove parents from their home and move them near me. Remember - you could move them, and then your sister could show up. You could try to get the sister out and your parents could decide that they want her there.

Everyone involved are adults. They can make their choices. You can stay out of the drama.

For a vulnerable adult, such as your mother, you can ask the authorities to check in with her.

I would not volunteer anything to your sister's psychiatrist.

You cannot make your sister get treatment.

You cannot fix this. You can be a good role model to everyone by taking care of yourself.

Each time that you are concerned for the safety of your mother - call the authorities. Plan in advance something you can clearly state to them, nothing complicated, nothing unnecessary. Call the authorities and tell them what is going on. Then let it go.

[PeanutButter]

I agree with serenity cat.
I did wonder a couple of things though: you mention your m has early stage alzheimers what is your f condition.
Do you have reason to believe that m&f will soon allow s to take control of their finances?
If they do will you be able to show that they are not of sound mind to do that?
Or are they of sound mind and as adults have the ability and right to make such choices
Do you think your sister feels she is in the 'role' of live in care giver (since she suggested that you should move in with them to take care of them)?
Do they need a live in care giver or any kind of care giver? If they do, had they been expecting your mentally ill sister to do it?
If they do not need a care giver then IMO there is no problem to figure out. If they want sister to leave they can tell her to leave. If she wont they can call the police instead of calling you or your brother.
Hope this all works out.

[brigitte]

Thank you all for answering.
My parents don't intend to let my sister control their finances. And they don't need, at this moment, a caregiver.
I know No-Contact is one of the strategies, and although I reduced contact with my sister, I think my parents need help from me and my brother, in order to deal with that situation.
I was wandering if recovery is possible to her. I can't cure her, I can't control, I didn't cause, but can I at least try to help her? I can not make her take medicines or go to therapy, but I can at least try to talk to her doctor and tell him she's having anger outbursts and I am worried.
I'm not acting in fear, obligation or guilt. I don't feel guilt. I'm not afraid. And I don't think I have the obligation (a legal duty) to act, but I really think we should try to help her. She may accept or not, but it's very hard for me to see my sister suffering like that and do nothing (she's responsible for her behavior, she can reason, but anger is out of control, and the fact she is the one "taking care" of my mother is making her think she's taking a burden herself, but the problem is she doesn't let us help her. I have the impression that, deep down, she knows she's acting badly)
I don't know much about borderline disorder, but I think there are two layers in her behavior: an impulsive, cruel, full of rage behavior; and another one when she needs to have better relationships but simply don't know how to do it and possibly lie to her doctor and therapist, because she can't admit she behaves that badly. Anger, low self-steem and shame. 
I don't know how many PDIs get better and what kind of improvement is possible,
and maybe I'm naive (and you have already passed through this stage and know better), but right now I think I should try to do something...
I don't mean to sound more virtuous than anyone, but maybe I am still passing through the acceptance phase...

[PeanutButter]

Thank you all for answering.
My parents don't intend to let my sister control their finances. And they don't need, at this moment, a caregiver.
I know No-Contact is one of the strategies, and although I reduced contact with my sister, I think my parents need help from me and my brother, in order to deal with that situation.
I was wandering if recovery is possible to her. I can't cure her, I can't control, I didn't cause, but can I at least try to help her? I can not make her take medicines or go to therapy, but I can at least try to talk to her doctor and tell him she's having anger outbursts and I am worried.
I'm not acting in fear, obligation or guilt. I don't feel guilt. I'm not afraid. And I don't think I have the obligation (a legal duty) to act, but I really think we should try to help her. She may accept or not, but it's very hard for me to see my sister suffering like that and do nothing (she's responsible for her behavior, she can reason, but anger is out of control, and the fact she is the one "taking care" of my mother is making her think she's taking a burden herself, but the problem is she doesn't let us help her. I have the impression that, deep down, she knows she's acting badly)
I don't know much about borderline disorder, but I think there are two layers in her behavior: an impulsive, cruel, full of rage behavior; and another one when she needs to have better relationships but simply don't know how to do it and possibly lie to her doctor and therapist, because she can't admit she behaves that badly. Anger, low self-steem and shame. 
I don't know how many PDIs get better and what kind of improvement is possible,
and maybe I'm naive (and you have already passed through this stage and know better), but right now I think I should try to do something...
I don't mean to sound more virtuous than anyone, but maybe I am still passing through the acceptance phase...

This is my opinion based on my experiences
I do not think there is anything you can do to fix the dynamic in the relationship between your parents and your sister. If you consider your sisters known emotional problems, then it is understandable that this 'pressure' or fog that she now must take care of your mother (even though a caregiver isn"t even needed) has deteriorateed her mental state even further! Were you worried about this happening in an earlier post?
If you are being asked or (hinted at) that you should 'fix' this situation with your sister not behaving the way your parents want her to then IMO that is your real problem.
If she was my sister I would not let her go on thinking that I expected her to take care of our parents since they are not in need of care anyway. I would reassure her that if they need care in the future she is obviously not responsible for that.
She needs to concentrate on her own well being exclusively.
I think if you do speak to her psychiatrist that he will agree that your sister should not continue this 'care' of your mother 'role'.

[SerenityCat]

You could contact your sister's psychiatrist and offer information. They may not even be willing to talk with you. Or they may listen to your concerns but won't be able to tell you anything about your sister as that would breach her own health privacy. You would not be told any results.

Your sister could guess that you have done this.

You could contact your sister's psychiatrist so as to at least cross this off your mental checklist. If they are able to listen, you will have informed an authority about your concerns. This might be worth it or it might be risky. You might feel relief or you might feel even more involved.

I'm just an internet stranger reflecting only on my understanding of what you have written. So I may be off base. But I think that you may be too involved here. I encourage you to stay clear of the drama, focus on yourself, and tell authorities when you have concerns for someone's safety.

You know that your sister's recovery or lack there of is up to her. She may not stabilize. She may crash and burn further. She may stabilize in some ways that looks odd to most everyone else.

She broke a door, in a tantrum

I would stay away from her. Every time I heard  something like this I would ask the authorities to do a welfare check on everyone at the house.

Your parents can kick her out. Your parents can ask the authorities to help kick her out. Your parents can ask your brother to help move her elsewhere.

When your sister is violent your parents need to call the police.

If your brother hears about something concerning, he needs to tell the police.

I understand that you care for your sister and want her to have a good stable life. But you cannot make her choose recovery. You are not her therapist. You cannot help her.

What you can do is be a good role model by taking good care of yourself.

It might be helpful as much as possible to stay clear of triangles. Keep things direct. You and your parents. You and your sister. You and your brother.

Have you asked your parents if they want help? What do they want to do concerning their difficult daughter?