Renewed old member

[Resilient1]

I came here years ago for support with an incredibly diffucult situation with my PD in-laws. I backed out of this forum, because I was trying to get on with my life after all the drama and trauma with them, having gone NC. Coming here felt like I was allowing myself to obsess, if that makes sense. I needed to move on from what the PD's had done to me, to my marriage, and to my self-esteem. Honestly, I am still more damaged and scarred than I'd like to admit. But... Yeah, still working on it.

I am back because my husband is dealing with another PD in his workplace. She behaves so much like his NPD sister that it has dredged up a whole slew of unresolved trouble, including between he and I. Its weird that it actually took me so long to figure out that he is...(I don't have the right words for this, sorry )...he is somehow projecting some of that on me at home. Not in a way he even realizes I don't think. And all the trust and openness we once had in our marriage has devolved over the past few years to emotional withdrawal and guardedness. His proverbial hackles have been up for so long against the PDs in his life that its like he now sees everyone as a threat, including me. And I can't talk to him about it because he gets instantly defensive, deflects, or outright denies. I'll explain more in the appropriate forum.

Anyway, thats why I am back. My old account was apparently deleted, which is understandable after all these years, and totally fine. If I somehow missed it when I searched and searched and it does still exist, I welcome the mods helping me reaccess it.

Thanks for reading. And I hope some of my experience with dealing with people under the influence of PD can help others as well. 

[xredshoesx]

welcome back although i am sorry to hear about what is going on with your husband and his coworker.  from what you have shared it sounds like what ever is happening at work is triggering for sure for the both of you, and making you all relive the experience you went through with your inlaws. 

my DH and i both have uPD in our respective families.  since i'm NC with my biological mother and her fam, and he's NC with his sister, we don't have the day to day interaction, but the forum still helped us both when we went through a rough time with my MIL  and really used the boundaries i learned about here.  then i went through a work bullying situation myself and the forum was a godsend too so please do check out the coworkers section and start a post that details the situation more when you feel comfortable.

on the admin side of things i will see what we can figure out about your old account. 

[treesgrowslowly]

Welcome resilient1,

You chose a great name for yourself. Resiliency is hard to build in the world with PDs, and it is valuable as gold.

I am sorry to hear about this situation that sounds like it has been going on for a while. As you well know from past learning, we can only change ourselves not other people. The relationship we have with people is based in what each person is contributing. When someone withdraws emotionally, and can only become present to their loved one by getting defensive, this is very hard on the marriage. It sounds like you have been seeing some concerning things in yoir marriage for a while now. That's really hard.

As a person who coped with PD abuse by becoming good at the helper role, I veered into codependency. Which includes, among other things, a desire and belief that I can have the relationship I want to have with someone, even if, or when they are emotionally unavailable.

I'm glad you are here but sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. Is he open to any sort of couples counseling session?

Treesgrowslowly