Society having disordered overprotective tendencies?

[Call Me Cordelia]

I typed out this huge thing and I think it's a topic worthy of discussion, but not necessarily as a response to the stress in pregnancy causing Pd study thread. But still, we're generally here to discuss actual people's problems not necessarily sociological phenomena. But this is the world I have babies in so it's real. So here's my brain dump, have fun mods.

<3 Cordelia

Thanks, and I'm not mad at you for posting. "Stress is bad for baby," while intuitively true and now empirically demonstrated, doesn't do a heck of a lot to help. I do feel like, "Thank you science, for spending all this effort and expense to tell me common sense with a dash of guilt!" I'm reacting to more than just this one article.

I'm noticing a cultural phenomenon of freaking out over stuff that is not so productive to freak out over and ends up causing an unnecessary burden on parents and is ultimately unhelpful, which is the opposite of the intent. Particularly with regard to baby and child safety. I think this article does fit that pattern. I do take safety seriously, don't get me wrong, but I think we're out of balance as a society. And maybe it's triggering to me in some way, because my uPD mother especially was ridiculously overprotective and would freak out any time I got hurt and automatically get more protective, regardless of whether that was a reasonable response. I was the kid never allowed to climb a tree, know it's messed up, and yet I see society tending that way.

Example: Everyone who's ever had a baby knows you never ever ever ever put them on their backs to sleep. They will surely die of SIDS. However, the statistical difference is nearly negligible, all other factors being equal. And the official advice as recently as the 1990s was exactly the opposite, always lay baby on their tummy so they don't choke on their vomit and die.  What more strongly impacts SIDS most is alcohol use, drugs, cosleeping on couches... it's more nuanced. But if we get everyone freaking about "back to sleep" it covers most bases and impacts everyone equally. Who cares about the newborn's startle reflex being activated when they are put down on their backs and nobody getting any sleep, thereby increasing risk of falling asleep on the couch holding the baby? Which is dangerous. But what's discussed at every single baby pediatrician visit (which are legion)? Don't you dare let that baby sleep on her stomach. But are you doing her tummy time? If you don't she'll squash her skull flat and you are a Bad Mother and will have to manage the Helmet of Shame. 

Anybody else understand what I'm talking about?

As you rightly say, what I'm doing right for my child is probably going to be much more impactful than the fact that s/he is being flooded with cortisol all the freakin' time despite my best efforts.    At least I hope to be able to reset that epigenome lol. Thanks for your kindness and indulgence.

Now I'm really craving some ice cream. And wine. And sushi. The raw stuff. (Kidding.) 

[Poison Ivy]

I understand. 

Trying to keep our children safe and healthy is a good thing.  Believing that we can exert total control and protect them from all harm is not a good thing because it's not true.  Many things are outside our control, no one's life is perfect, and everybody dies, sometime.

[notrightinthehead]

I went with being the 'Good enough' mom. Not perfect. Just good enough. We are humans. We can cope with a bit of adversity.  It might even inspire us.

[all4peace]

Call me cordelia, I wonder if what society really also has is an overload of information. I'm very thankful that I wasn't online much when my kids were little, or it would have been overwhelming for my guilt-plagued mother's mind.

Here's the thing, we have absolute control over what we focus on, and for myself I'm trying to pay attention. When I feel riled up (cortisol), it's often time for me to look away (social media or news), take a break (even from this forum), get out in nature and breathe calmly, and for me to hand over most of it to my higher power.

I get the instinct to fight back against all of it, but I wonder if sometimes it's easier and wiser to simply step away. And, for the record, the level of anxiety that I went through when my DD was an infant and uNBPDmil was losing it right in my face, DD could have a higher risk for being a PD. That, and the fact that both her grandmothers look very, very much like someone with a PD. But, instead, DD is a lovely young woman. Studies will be done until the end of time, but we can still live our good lives, using what is helpful and letting go of what is not.

Peace to you.

[doingoveroroverdoing]

 Seems like there's a lot of content generated & money made by provoking guilt and anxiety.  Virtue (as defined by whomever) should guide our choices & decisions. Diapering, feeding, sleeping, carrying, child care...there is a good way to do all of it. 

Oh, also? Keep in mind that guilt and anxiety are more poisonous to your child, even in utero, than anything you'd likely choose to eat or feed them.

[Call Me Cordelia]

  You put it more succinctly. It's a double bind.

And all4peace, you are right. I can see it for what it is, call it out, and dismiss it.