Why are PDs so anxious and irritable ?

[Hazy111]

Saw this quote and thought how it resonated. My uBPD mothers entire life was  spent in a state of irritable anxiety. I think she felt guilty if she felt happy.

" Patients with personality disorders are often anxious. Narcissists for instance, are preoccupied with the need to secure social approval or attention (narcissistic supply). The narcissist cannot control this need and the attendant anxiety because he requires external feedback to regulate his labile sense of self-worth. This dependence makes most narcissists irritable. They fly into rages and have a very low threshold of frustration. Subjects suffering from certain personality disorders (e.g., Histrionic, Borderline, Narcissistic, Avoidant, Schizotypal) resemble patients who suffer from panic attacks and social phobia (another anxiety disorder). They are terrified of being embarrassed or criticized in public. Consequently, they fail to function well in various settings like social, occupational, interpersonal, etc."

[bunnie]

My NPD dad and sister have always been highly volatile and irritable.  They become extremely frustrated at what they deem is "unfair".  It's very interesting to learn about the narcissist and his/her internal experience.

[Whiteheron]

Hazy - can you tell me where the quote came from? I'd like to read more and possibly highlight sections and give it to my L...

[11JB68]

So much of this describes how my uocpdh behaves. Wow.

[Hazy111]

It was from Sam Vaknins twitter account. Who i personally think is the "go to" on narcissists, as he is a diagnosed one and is well researched on all the studies of narcissism and their inner psyche/turmoil.

Gives invaluable sensible advice to anyone involved with a narcissist.

For some reason he gets a bad rap on here .

[athene1399]

Many people with PDs experienced a lot of childhood trauma. They are kind of stuck in a state of always feeling attacked or always needing to feel superior (in the case of NPD). They were probably criticized and unsupported by their parents growing up. It leads to a fragile sense of self and fragile/non-existent self-esteem. Often that can come out looking like social anxiety or just generalized anxiety. I think I read somewhere that 90% of women with BPD had some sort of childhood abuse or past trauma. That doesn't mean everyone with childhood trauma gets a PD.

I personally have a lot of borderline tendencies. I hate crowds. I don't even like people looking at me because I assume they are thinking bad things. If I don't know what to do or say in a social situation, I act like someone I respect. I say things they would say because I don't know what to do. I become them in a way becasue I don't know how to do it myself. I get very frustrated when I feel something is "unfair". I am easily frustrated. I watched this video on BPD (I'll try to see if I can find what it's called) and this one person with BPD said if they can't get clothes out of the closet because it's stuck on another coat hanger they flip out. I'm like "that's totally me". Ever since then instead of freaking, I take a deep breath instead of taking my anger out on my clothes. I never realized that wasn't a normal response to that situation. I don't know why it makes me so mad. It's like I've held so much in for so long that I just blow up on little things at home because that's my safe place to have emotions. I used to get angry at work when younger and my symptoms were very apparent, but I've learned to take a break and walk away when needed. I still get angry, but now I walk away instead of throwing things or hitting things.

My M was angry a lot too (still is). She would often flip out over the smallest thing and say "Why can't anything go right?" If you didn't drop what you were doing and do what she asked, she would flip out in a rage. I try so hard not to be like her, but there's so many things I never realized I do that are things she did. Like I bet she does the coat hanger thing and rips things out of her closet and throws the hangers. So yeah, I would say "irritable anxiety" is dead on.

[Pepin]

This resonates with me!  NF was a raging ****show on a regular basis.  He wanted the world to bow down to him because of his traumatic past -- yet here he was passing on the trauma rather than ending it with himself.

PDmil, has massive anxiety because she thinks that worrying about things will bring change.  Um, action brings change, not staying up late staring at the ceiling and feeling like hell the next day. 

Both NF and PDmil in my opinion had issues with social situations.  NF would behave inappropriately and become loud.  PDmil on the other hand, withdraws and becomes so quiet that she is the loudest person in the room.  She believes that when we gather as a family, that she is doing the right thing by letting everyone catch up with each other while she sits there doing nothing.  All it does is make everyone uncomfortable and concerned.  Her lack of participation sends the message: I don't like this because I am not getting the "positive" attention that I deserve; but, I'll take the "negative" attention because it is better than nothing.

NF is Cluster B and PDmil is Cluster C.  Dealing with both of them has been exhausting and requires different approaches.