Obituary drama

[11JB68]

Updfil is85. He's been in really good health (even after a heart attack about15 years ago) But is suddenly feeling his age.
He asked uPDh to write his obit. But of course disagreed with how it was written and has now written his own version.
One thing he's stuck on is the awkwardness of listing survivors.
Bottom line, I think he doesn't want to list me...first it seemed like due to awkwardness of how to word it, now it seems it has something to do with it being unfair to uPDsil since she's divorced.
Likely uPDsil is telling him not to list me, just out of spite.
Yet....here I am, dutifully visiting him twice a month, etc....
Part of me doesn't really care...part of me is quite hurt.

[Poison Ivy]

I understand your mixed feelings. 

[Leonor]

Me too. I'm NC with my HPD mom and when her mom passed no one told me ... I came across the obituary and saw that I wasn't listed among the descendants. And at first I was really hurt. And then I thought ...

"Free at last, free at last! Thank God in Heaven, I'm free at last!"

 

[Call Me Cordelia]

Is that typical, to be involved with the writing of one's own obituary?

I can understand the mixed feelings, too. It's obvious your feelings are not considered and that's hurtful but it's not exactly news. So sorry. You're a kind person and Updfil doesn't know what a gem he has.

[11JB68]

So given my mindset this week this may be irrelevant. But yup he's still  on this idea that it might offend my SIL (who was divorced, then ex died) if I'm listed. Why?? You list survivors. The deadbeat / drug dealer ex got himself murdered...he is not a survivor of my fil

[Pepin]

Is that typical, to be involved with the writing of one's own obituary?

I find this odd...but not surprising coming from a PD.  That being said, when my FIL (not a PD) passed away 7 years ago no spouses names were mentioned, just his surviving children's names.  The grandchildren were also just listed as a total number.

[NotFooled]

My OCPDMIL did not list me or my daughter (DH's step daughter) in FIL very long obit.  I was kind of shocked since I spent money, time  ect with helping them. I hosted them at my home for every holiday.
I didn't really have any arguments or falling outs with them either, so it took me by surprise.  I was also going through cancer treatment at the time of his death so it really hurt me.
But then I realized, they do not consider me as part of their family which released me from any obligation I felt to them as my in-laws. I no longer host them or make any effort. I was  essentially freed emotionally from a very dysfunctional family dynamic. 

[11JB68]

Pepin, I can see that if someone had several children and many grandchildren. Updfil only has 2 kids and 3 grandchildren.
Kieveen, likewise, I've had a pretty good relationship with fil (and mil), I dutifully visit him twice a month.

[OnwardsAndUpwards]

One of my dad's sister passed away, huge family but all of the siblings and their spouses were listed. They used a different name for my mom than her real name (not real but e.g. Lacy instead of Lucy). My parents can easily be googled and their names found as they owned a business in a local town. But one of my aunts never liked my mom and liked to spread it around with a big shovel.

Mom was a little bit hurt, but not surprised. I admire how she didn't let it bother her. I'm sure when the time comes I won't be listed either. But as NotFooled posted, that frees you. You can view this as a "get out of jail free" card.