Going to court and hey presto!

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Associate of Daniel

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Going to court and hey presto!
« on: September 09, 2019, 03:36:43 AM »
...suddenly the pds are on their best behaviour.

Even started calling me by my preferred name instead of my official name. It's only taken what?  6 years?

Nowadays I don't think they have a right to call me by my preferred name. They're not my friends, family or colleagues.

However, I won't bother acknowledging it.

The most infuriating thing about their current good behaviour is that the court won't get it. The court's not interested in what's been happening in the last 7 years. It only wants to know about today.

But it's all a show.  The pds will revert back to their usual selves once court is done.

I should take advantage of their current "normality".  Ask for all the things I want, knowing they'll give them to me to show how agreeable they are.

Trouble is - I want nothing of them, other than for them to be out of my life.

Grrr.

AOD


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athene1399

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Re: Going to court and hey presto!
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2019, 10:01:28 AM »
The act they put on can be infuriating because you just want everyone to know how they really are. I can understand your frustration there. I also understand the thing with the name. If people I don't know well shorten my name I don't like it. I feel only my parents are allowed to shorten my name. Usually my friends don't use the shorted version, but sometimes people I work with do and it's like "why would you do that?" Like I didn't ask them to call me that instead of my given name.

Anyway, I hope there's something you can use to your advantage in court. What are they petitioning for? I know you all initially reached an agreement in mediation then out of the blue he filed something to take you to court.

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hhaw

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Re: Going to court and hey presto!
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2019, 11:11:45 AM »
Lord, AOD, they really know how to get under your skin, don't they?

I hope you find a way to stop the PDs from upsetting you so easily. 

You need to think clearly, and YOU know they're screwing with you.  Let it slide off your back, if you can. 

I hope you get something from this period of them being on their best behavior.

Good luck,
hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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Stepping lightly

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Re: Going to court and hey presto!
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2019, 12:19:20 PM »
Hi AoD,

There are some things you can think/do that might help with the craziness.  First, I see their tactics as responding emotionally to the fact that you are a threat to their own personal reality.  They know there is a huge risk in court that you will be able to show that you are a loving/caring and capable mother.  They want you off balance, that's their only hope of appearing as the stable home.  Don't let it throw you.  See it for what it is, understand that means they see your strength, and they want to take it away from you.  It's not theirs to take!

Sometimes when BM throws ridiculous things at us, and we are deciding how to respond, we decide to do the unexpected.  In a sense, like what they are trying to do to you.  But..in a kind way.  My example is this one time when one of the kids was sick on exchange day, and she demanded the most inconvenient time for her to come pick up DSD.  She KNEW it was a horrible option for us and my knee jerk response was to want to say no, we get a say in our schedule.  Instead, I told DH, "respond with, "See you then, that works perfectly for us".  No amount of argument was going to change the time, BM gets what BM wants, so ..at least we made her think she was doing us an unintentional favor.  Of course, she showed up way late, she had to have some control over it.  But...our reaction to the situation, was feeling like somehow we took back control of the situation.  She wanted a fight, she fell on her face. 


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hhaw

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Re: Going to court and hey presto!
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2019, 02:48:58 PM »
I'm trying very hard not to judge the PDs, bc it throws me out of balance.

If I manage to stay in observer mode, detached, I manage to stay level, more responsive and creative. 

I dislike being baited into reacting, and I certainly don't want to be in a position of doing or saying something I'll regret. 

hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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Associate of Daniel

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Re: Going to court and hey presto!
« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2019, 10:11:34 AM »
Thanks, everyone.

Thankfully we came to "agree" on the orders and the court has rubber stamped them so we don't have to attend.

They are interim orders so a further date has been set for late next year.

And so.... the pd masks have fallen on the wayside again.  I'm no longer being called by my preferred name and their abuse is back to normal.

Is it weird that I feel relieved?

AOD

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athene1399

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Re: Going to court and hey presto!
« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2019, 11:08:44 AM »
I don't think it's weird that you feel relieved. I hate when people are fake nice because they want something.

How are you feeling about the agreement?

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mamato3

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Re: Going to court and hey presto!
« Reply #7 on: October 22, 2019, 01:04:09 PM »
Was this agreement any different than the one you already had? What a waste of stress!!  :stars:

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hhaw

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Re: Going to court and hey presto!
« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2019, 03:50:07 PM »
Strengthen yourself during this lull.

It won't last, IME.



hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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Rose1

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Re: Going to court and hey presto!
« Reply #9 on: October 22, 2019, 07:41:46 PM »
What gets me about this stuff is it proves they know how to behave and are quite capable. They obviously are badly behaved deliberately.

I know most pds cant hold it together indefinitely but you can see how deliberate a lot of this is. Presumably to punish or wind us up. Not cool

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sevenyears

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Re: Going to court and hey presto!
« Reply #10 on: October 26, 2019, 10:15:48 AM »


...suddenly the pds are on their best behaviour.

Yep. Mine too. At least the kids get something out of it - hopefully.

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Whiteheron

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Re: Going to court and hey presto!
« Reply #11 on: October 27, 2019, 11:29:00 AM »
I agree! New judge and the hoovering of the kids has begun yet again...

It's a vicious cycle.
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.