what strategy can cure a defiant boy? He is 13 and doesn't lsten to us

Started by Bloomming, October 04, 2019, 09:44:59 AM

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Bloomming

Our little one is a defiant 13 y old boy, what strategy should I follow? how to start and what steps consist the therapy?

Starboard Song

Well it depends.

But this forum may be poorly equipped to address your problem.  This community is dedicated specifically to the pain and challenges of personality disorders. Because of that, we tend to make some assumptions that are not warranted when dealing with someone whose issues -- however challenging -- are not pathological. Advice intended for a PD antagonist can be terribly wrong for someone who does not have a personality disorder.

People with personality disorders can certainly be defiant. But most juvenile defiance is not a personality disorder. If you believe you may be dealing with a personality disorder, I encourage you to speak to a therapist who deals specifically with juveniles.

If you determine, or believe, your son has a PD, certainly return to share more of your story.

So much good strength to you!
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward

bloomie

Hi and welcome. Thought I would pop in and offer a couple of really good resource to you.

Two books: Losing Control and Liking It, How to set you and your teen free - by Tim Stanford and Boundaries with Teens by Dr. John Townsend.

As I am sure you already know, developmentally your son is working through some very important tasks at 13 years old. As a parent it is often a very difficult balance to discern the difference between behaviors directed toward healthy teenage autonomy and blatant rebellion.

The toolbox at the drop down menu above is helpful for conflict resolution and filled with strategies that can help with troubling behaviors. But, as Starboard Song mentions, our focus here is to support those who are dealing with loved ones with personality disorders.

Talking with a therapist and finding resources and strategies more specific to parenting a teen who is opposing you would be of great comfort to you as well I am thinking.

Strength and much wisdom to you as you work through these issues.
The most powerful people are peaceful people.

The truth will set you free if you believe it.