Mess my non pd kid brought home that PD wife handled interestingly

[Jsinjin]

I normally post in behaviors or separated divorcing.    I'm married 25 plus yrs to uOCPDw.   Oldest child is DD and is over 18 but just barely.    Last spring she withdrew from one of the US service academies as a cadet to come home.    Wife was curious and still is.    I think it's a hard life at the academies so I understand.    But DD messed around quite a bit.    She never learned to drive.    Wife doesn't allow what I call "hard rules" because she seems to like to have every scenario or detail worked out.   So one can't be a benevolent dictator as a parent and say "get your driver's license or no more phone and I won't drive you to school anymore"    Whether that is harsh or not is up to a parent but I'm betting it would have gotten the job done in high school

DD also evidently had poor grades at the academy from depression which I also understand and I got her help.   Dd has a very contentious relationship with OCPDw/bio mother and we all deal with screamkng, outbursts from random things like a spatula being in the wrong drawer and deep interrogations about why...

Daughters depression  got worse and on a total surprise in one week I learned she had not gotten into college because of the poor grades I did not know about, she suddenly got her driver's license and she had decided to move to my mother's home to be away from the uocpd mom.   That was all ok; my mother has a great relationship. With all of us, it gets DD away from her mother and I though would give DD a chance to take community college.

Here is where we go off the rails:

DD asked to take the car I provide her (that I say she is "privileged to drive") and drive to a city south of where we live to move to 'grannies' and to do it that day.    I said no I want to have the car run through preventive stuff like fluids, belts, hoses, brake check, etc.    She got anxious then dropped the bomb.

She met a friend online from another country who needed help, was in an emotionally abusive relationship and was coming to Austin and would be moving in with her at grannies.     I said "No" and I'll bet Grannie didn't approve this either.    I checked and she said 'No"

I said putting aside the safety and other issues of meeting someone you don't know who could be a killer or scam artist there are a hundred other reasons for a "No" from your dad.    Interestingly, uOCPDw agreed with me completely.

I thought the matter dropped and periodically asked, "is this person on the way to our home?"   And received a no.

On an unrelated note an argument about DD not being in a place as she repairs her grades and overcomes depression with therapy led to a statement that she is in no position to even help someone running away from an abusive relationship which led DD to storm out of the house on her bike like a 5 year old vowing to never come back.   Uocpdw was worried and I pointed out that she left without a cell phone charger and it's 100 degrees on a bike so she will be back   

But then upon returning DD threatened self harm whcih she has done before and I contacted her counselor who can't really talk to me but promised to call DD.   DD spoke to counselor and had a lot of 'yes, no, yes, no uhuh, ok' statements then handed the phone to me.   The counselor said DD has agreed to go in for an evaluation about full or partial hospitalization.   Which resulted in partial hospitalization.

All good right???

Here we goooooooo  🤪

Emotionally abused pre op trans online "friend" arrives via bus and train to our house unannounced just after the decision was made to send DD to PHP for 8 hours of therapy per day.    With a 6 month student visa knowing no one in the country and without money and she has severe social anxiety, severe bipolar, multiple personality disorder and something called selective mutism whcih means she can't talk if you and her direct question.    DD begins to bawl that she just wanted to feel like she could help someone when her own life is a train wreck.   

I took over which is rare for me.   I insisted we buy an immediate flight back to the country of origin and he the kid home.    The kid doesn't want to leave but DD does want the kid to go.  UOCPDw wants the kid to go but is wanting to work with British airways (ticket origin) to convince them to change the flight fromthe original itinerary and codeshare 6 months early on a round trip ticket while they are in strike.

We have been doing this crud of going to the airport with kid in hand every day for four days not simply paying for a ticket we could afford but it would hurt a bit and send the kid home.

DD 19 is in daily therapy, DS 16 is in high school asking when the visitor is leaving, DD 14 is the same as DS.   

I have a catatonic non speaking selective mutism vegan bipolar multipersonality pre op trans 18 year old hanging out at the house while I work and wife works and kids go to school whom we don't know who can't communicate with anyone but PHP depression treatment attending daughter and I'm not able to just throw the kid on a plane and send them back.

Has there ever been a story this weird?

[Associate of Daniel]

I apologise for my response to this. It's an indication of the amount of stress I am currently enduring.

Thank-you for giving me a much needed tear-streaming laugh.

I don't think any daily tv soap could dream up a storyline half as weird or chaotic. Are you sure you're not being "pranked", as they say?

I'm glad your wife seems to be sort of on board though.

I look forward to reading of how it all turns out and wish you and your daughter well.

AOD

[11JB68]

 

[athene1399]

Oh my goodness, JsinJin. While your DD18 had good intentions, this is something you can't just do without asking anyone you live with. But I think it also helped to show how she is feeling and I'm glad she was eventually able to explain that to you.

DD begins to bawl that she just wanted to feel like she could help someone when her own life is a train wreck. 

I hope the treatment she is now getting helps her out. It sounds like she wanted to do this to feel better about herself and her situation, that by helping someone else she could put a band-aid over (or distract her from ) her own problems.

With your uOCPDw, I guess she'd rather have this stranger stay with you than foot the bill for the return flight? That would not be the option I would choose. Have you tried explaining to your wife that no one really knows this person so it may not be wise to let them stay unsupervised during the day? And if w is uOCPD, she probably has a lot of rules everyone needs to follow. Is this person following the rules? Or is that causing chaos too?

I would also want to know if this "friend" needs treatment/medication to manage her symptoms. Especially if she is staying at my house for the time being.

Good luck with everything. I hope it is resolved soon and everything works out well.

[Jsinjin]

I got the kid on a plane back to their home country.    And DD19 is still in therapy.   So all ended ok considering.

[athene1399]

That is good news. I hope DD starts feeling better.