BPD sister followed me on Instagram

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Liz1018

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BPD sister followed me on Instagram
« on: September 11, 2019, 11:46:08 AM »
5 years of NC and they just won’t give up. I blocked all of them - from my emails, from my phones, threw away mail and packages. I even got a new phone number. Not a peep from me. Seems they still just can’t accept it.

Sister was always late to tech and social media- she was on Facebook only for years. I felt safe that she wouldn’t discover Instagram (she once said she “didn’t understand the point of it”). I had 6 peaceful years of checking my account. Yesterday I opened my account and there she was.

It feels like stalking. I know I can block her, mute her, etc. She has a private account, so it looks like blocking is my best option. I can block her from commenting but that seems like a half measure. I don’t want her even seeing my posts.

There were two flying monkey attempts last year: I live several states away and she sometimes travels for work to a nearby city. She showed up at my business and we were thankfully closed that day. So she heads to my house - and realized I had moved (for other reasons, but it felt good to know she couldn’t ambush me). So what does she do? She shows up at my father-in-law’s house. Does the crying bit. He calls us - husband tells his dad to tell her to leave, immediately. The gall - popping in on an elderly man to try to manipulate him with a sob story. How much she missed me. Blah blah blah.

5 months later she DMs my husband’s brother’s wife on Thanksgiving (luckily SIL blew her off).

Oh yes, I had to cancel my LinkedIn account because she and my brother sent messages to me.

So back to Instagram- I guess she is always looking for a new way “in.”  A few months ago,  I closed my brick and mortar and moved my business online. Finally, she had nowhere to find me. I felt truly safe for the first time in half a decade.

All she has left is social media. My FIL wouldn’t tell her where we moved. I guess I could just ignore her. But now I dread opening that account. It is only a matter of time til she figures out how to DM me, comment, etc. I do not and have not ever posted personal stuff on my account, only business. So she can basically learn nothing new about my life except what I am working on.

I feel like the last 6 months of my life have been the most peaceful, content and happy of my last 10 years. And now this.

They just never give up. Ever. My therapist always shakes his head when I recount to him their latest attempts. He finds it so disrespectful. Love that reinforcement from a professional!). Not a peep from me in 5 years. What makes them think that I would suddenly  want contact? Other than the fact that they are convinced my husband and therapist “brainwashed me” into NC. Jeez...if they could only make me see how horrible DH is! Good luck- 25 years together, 21 married, and we are more in love than ever.

So, what to do? I feel like the longer I go without blocking, the weaker I look. I blocked her every other way, right? But even if I do block again, she will keep trying to figure out new ways to contact me. But this may be the last possible way she can.

My husband and I plan on moving to a new state once his parents pass away. But that could be years. Both in their late 70s - longevity runs in the family. Grand mother’s were 93 and 95 when they passed.  I feel like only then will I truly be free of them, where they would never find me.

Thoughts?
« Last Edit: September 11, 2019, 11:51:03 AM by Liz1018 »

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11JB68

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Re: BPD sister followed me on Instagram
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2019, 02:50:28 PM »
PDs and social media, ugh.
UOCPDH doesn't really use fb, thinks it's dumb, but will stalk a bit on there and has used it against people at times.
UPDsil once hacked mil th and unfriended me and h. Ugh.
Upd co worker, doesn't post on fb ...admits she stalks people on there though!!!

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Starboard Song

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Re: BPD sister followed me on Instagram
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2019, 10:06:17 AM »
So, what to do? I feel like the longer I go without blocking, the weaker I look. I blocked her every other way, right? But even if I do block again, she will keep trying to figure out new ways to contact me. But this may be the last possible way she can.

We are 4 years NC, and they haven't slowed down a bit in their disrespect for us. And there have been times when we get caught up in the fog of war: the fog of the FOG. You can get all twisted around where you are vigilant and scared and angry all at once. And we have found over and over that when that happens, it causes us to forget this: we are not in witness protection program, or otherwise fearing for our lives; we are only minimizing contact with those who predictably are bad for us. It is a cool, calm act of self-compassion. Remembering this fact makes these decisions pretty easy, and lowers the stakes.

1. Do I block her on Instagram?
Sure. You are rock solid in your NC decision, and you've blocked every other channel. This may be about the last open channel. Of course you block this one, too.

2. But she will keep trying to figure out ways......
Sure. Of course she will. Going NC is an act of war and she will never understand it. But none of her searching and groping, none of her gnashing of teeth, none of her pleading -- none of it -- is your problem: it is all hers. Sit it down and let it go. Yes, one day she may show up online somewhere, or her brick-and-mortar self may appear at your door. Will you, when that happens, engage with her? No. You'll kindly reject the opportunity to engage, and get back to your DH, and your wonderful, rich FOC.

I mean to be only affirming to you that you have your clear answer in your own words, but have let it get caught up in the flash-bang of anxiety that we all can feel with this. I promise you I get it. You are not being weak, and don't sound like it. You sound strong and ready to go and be strong.

Be good! Be strong!
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward

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Mintstripes

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Re: BPD sister followed me on Instagram
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2019, 01:05:46 AM »
I would absolutely block her. You have the control here. No need to overthink it. Sheís trespassing!

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Liz1018

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Re: BPD sister followed me on Instagram
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2019, 12:04:00 PM »
Hi all and thanks so much for your responses.

I blocked her. Less than 48 hrs so that is good. I guess my issue is why did I hesitate at all?  I have been vigilant and it has been a no-brainer for everything else. Just instinctively blocked as a matter of course. No backing down. 

I never felt guilty. My anger and fear were too prominent and real. There was no questioning my decision. Not that I have questioned it since or am now. But why didnít I block right away? That bothers me more than her contact. The intensity of My anger and fear have  abated in the last few years. My pain has dulled, but I still feel the same way. I donít feel guilty, havenít changed my mind. In fact, the improvement to my mental health and overall contentment since NC has solidified.

I wonít think too much on this one. It will fade into the background as all attempts have.

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We are 4 years NC, and they haven't slowed down a bit in their disrespect for us.

Amazing, isnít it? Disrespect, disbelief, distorted reality.... the last words she said to me were ďdonít ever call or text  me again.Ē So I didnít.

I blocked before I went to bed last night so I would not have to greet another day with this nonsense.

And I slept like a baby.

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Starboard Song

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Re: BPD sister followed me on Instagram
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2019, 04:10:15 PM »
All hail Liz1018!

Congratulations. You've served yourself well.
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward