Tips and tools for handling guilt after telling my sister off

[bunnie]

Since my release from the hospital in February (life threatening illness), my Nsis has been baiting me for a fight.  I concentrated on my recovery and health and went on to have a pretty good year.  About 3 weeks ago, she baited me and I took the bait (out of necessity, truly).  This ended in an argument in which she was stabbing me with a thousand razors.  I lost it and completely told her off!  Of course, she now is crying to my covert dad about how much I hurt her.  To be fair, everything I told her about herself was true and the truth hurts! 
I am always the one soothing over an argument and promoting peace.  I get really tired of having to grey rock, suppress, gloss over, and dull who I am so that Nsis doesn't get the tongue lashing she deserves.  Oh well, I appreciate any tips, tools, quotes, etc that you can share for handling the guilt after you "fail" to maintain your composure with an NPD.

[1footouttadefog]

Just be medium chill or grey rock with them all. 

I might even give a clinical sounding apology Maybe something like:

I am sorry if your feelings are hurt but I spoke truth that I have needed to express for a long time.  I should probably have had the integrity to do this earlier so you could know where I stand.

The key to peace, I believe, is for you to analize your relationships and decide what is a healthy level of interaction.  Base this on facts and reality and past experiences instead of what should or could be.  Lower your expectations to match who they really are and eliminate the disappointment at your end and keeping them in a position to fail at their end.

If you can only stand to be around your sister long enough for coffee then so be it.  If you cannot discuss certain things then set a boundary.

I have a friend who is very interested and evangalizes about an industry that is legal in her state.  It is going to heal all illnesses mental health included.  I feel the total opposite and it angers me that she would suggest a few drops of oil are the key to all of my problems.  I dont go there in conversations, especially when her life is more of a mess than mine and I believe that her participation in the full strength options this industry produces are her core issue. 

Boundaries and compartmentalizing. Respecting who people really are and not expecting more shows compassion and respect as well as protecting you.

Some relationships will need to be ended at times as well.  Or kept VLC and grey rock perhaps to buy time of there is hope and or guilt at cutting ropes.

Sometimes dropping the ropes is a good thing also.

[bunnie]

Thank you 1footouttadefog. I really appreciate the tip about respecting who people really are and not expecting more.  And I will definitely use your approach to apologizing.