When they come back from vaca

  • 14 Replies
  • 1474 Views
*

11JB68

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1985
When they come back from vaca
« on: September 11, 2019, 02:57:56 PM »
I have a co-worker who may or may not have a pd but shows some traits.
She verbally attacked me about 6 months ago, very triggering, I haven't felt the same at work since :(
She's been on vaca about2weeks, it seemed so peaceful here. She's back and I already feel my anxiety rising. I feel like no matter what I do I'll offend her somehow.

*

Starboard Song

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • 3555
  • Be good. Be strong.
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2019, 03:24:14 PM »
I think how we feel upon someone's return can be more instructive than how we feel about them when they are there. Someone returning to our life should be the filling of an absence, and a good thing. When it is not, well, something's wrong.

Good luck, friend.
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward

*

Amadahy

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 927
  • When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2019, 05:00:33 PM »
I work in a similar environment. The person is rude, crude and loud. Itís like everyone else (including supervisors) are afraid of her. I try to fly under the radar and luckily we donít often work together, but I feel anxiety when sheís around. So sorry. Hope a good resolution happens.
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen

*

11JB68

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1985
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #3 on: September 11, 2019, 05:34:51 PM »
Starboard yes.
Her return should be good, as I have more work when she's out/have to cover her accounts.
So very indicative that I'm happier when she's out. Likewise, she changed her schedule, doesn't work Mondays. First time in my life that Monday is my favorite day :)

Amadahy, it's an odd one. She used to be my boss. She stepped down
 I'm the manager now. But I don't manage her. (Typical pd she doesn't need to be managed....) 😂

*

11JB68

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1985
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2019, 08:52:16 AM »
Back two days and already she's having a melt down. So weird. I literally asked her yesterday am how was she doing and was there anything I could do to help her, anything I could take off her plate etc. Answer was oh no I'm fine.
Later she goes to boss, closes door, I assume rants a bit. I get called in, suddenly it's we have to do x y z to help her because P is overwhelmed.
Ok.
Then I feel like it's that typical pd move where somehow HER accounts are so complicated, etc. Like know one else has a lot of work or hard work.
Boss comes up with a solution, we jump to do it, she's still not happy, refuses to tell me why.
Also, I offered a different suggestion, a woman we almost let go, but kept in a support role on suggestion of P and another person, P literally had said she wanted this woman to be her 'personal assistant' (which at the time I thought wow, and even said out loud wow I'd like a pa too...lol) -so I said would you rather have her? Answer: OH NO, do not give me her!
Bottom line, P doesn't like anyone, no one does the work 'the right way'/her way...etc. She will never be happy.
Once or twice a year she threatens to quit. I really think boss needs to take her up on that.

*

clara

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 949
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2019, 01:39:07 PM »
I also had the misfortune of working with someone like that--a narc but not NPD.  Her whole "thing" seemed to be getting everyone to dance to her tune.  When she was in a good mood, she expected you to goof off with her.  When she was in a bad mood, she expected you to listen to her whine and cry.  She had zero consideration of the needs or feelings of others, it was all about her, and while most of the time I was able to blow her off, there were times when she felt the need to shake things up and would go out of her way to do so, very pleased with herself to see the (momentary) chaos she created.  And I think it bothered her a great deal to find out that while she was on vacation, no, the department didn't fall apart because she wasn't there.  We functioned just fine without her.  So she would usually act out after getting back from being gone for awhile, just in order to get attention and to let us know how important she was to the department (when in reality she wasn't and I think she suspected that fact). 

You cannot imagine how relieved I was when her office was moved across the hall  from mine and I no longer had to see her/listen to her throughout the entire day! 

*

11JB68

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1985
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2019, 02:20:44 PM »
Wow Clara, that sounds very similar.
I was really feeling off about this whole thing, because I had a big blow out weird uPDh this week too. So feeling like, is it really ME, am I the problem??
But no, boss came to me this am and pretty much said he's tired of her crap and if she's not happy maybe w just need to find  someone else.  :yes:

*

Thru the Rain

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 631
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #7 on: September 19, 2019, 03:12:17 PM »
Once or twice a year she threatens to quit. I really think boss needs to take her up on that.

I had a difficult co-worker who used to threaten to quit regularly. In fact, at that company there were about 4 or 5 of them - they all watched each other get whatever they wanted in the moment if they threatened to quit.

We got a new manager, and all those people went as a group to make their demands. The new manager accepted their threatened resignations on the spot.

The rest of us were in awe. We had seen this group take down other managers. I do believe the new manager was warned about this group before he started, and was probably told the company would back him up if he just let them quit.

There's that old saying "the squeaky wheel gets the grease." But in many cases its "the squeaky wheel gets REPLACED".

*

11JB68

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1985
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2019, 01:20:58 AM »
Met with boss this afternoon and he confirmed that he is no longer taking her crap. Advised me not to walk on eggshells around her, just basically do what I want and not worry about her. Huge validation when he said 'it's NOT you, it's her' and that she'll go before I do "if you're ever unhappy here because of her let me know and she'll be gone".
Wow.
Made me feel better to hear that.

*

11JB68

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1985
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2019, 01:22:59 AM »
Also boss' general advice was "sometimes with these people you just have to say 'enough with you' "....I love that! It makes me laugh!
Enough with you!  :)

*

11JB68

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1985
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #10 on: September 26, 2019, 02:45:45 PM »
Update, she gave her notice...

*

Thru the Rain

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 631
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #11 on: September 26, 2019, 05:44:52 PM »
Sounds like a good outcome for all concerned!

*

11JB68

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1985
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #12 on: September 27, 2019, 12:57:16 AM »
Generally a good thing. I'm a little concerned that she may make it out to be my fault and smear me to my remaining co-workers

*

clara

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 949
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #13 on: September 27, 2019, 01:55:01 PM »
Honestly, any time someone where I worked tried to blame another person for "having to quit" their job, it would be met mostly with rolled eyes and a round of yeah, whatever.  Most people (I hope) are able to recognize such childish behavior for what it is.

*

11JB68

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1985
Re: When they come back from vaca
« Reply #14 on: October 20, 2019, 11:08:16 PM »
Finallydown to the last week. 3 more days.
Met with a coworker last week who confirmed that, oh yeah she has always been toxic!
So I guess it's not me.
I still feel exhausted from this whole experience.