Golden PD sibling continues to be the taker and scapegoat does all the work?

[Blueberry Pancakes]

My NPD golden child sister and I are both adults and our parents are experiencing age related issues with decline in heath. I am the scapegoat who has been No Contact with my sister for over one year.  Due to decades of triangulation and family mobbing that my parents engaged in with my sister, I have been VLC with my parents.  My boundaries for limited contact with my parents involve me only visiting them every other month just to make sure they are getting along and their needs are being met. My sister, their golden child, is still in the same level of contact as always. Even as our parents decline, my sister's attitude of entitlement and seeking our parent's time, attention, adoration never diminished. 
I visited my parents last weekend, and while there I noticed a huge pile of clothes stacked on a spare bed. I offered to go through it with my mom and assemble a few bags to donate. As I went through the clothes, I noticed clothes and shoes that had collected on that bed over one year. Mom wears the same outfit each time I see her. I asked her to try on some of the shoes to see if they still fit, and she could not bend over to even put them on due to joint pain.  I realized she also can no longer use buttons or zippers due to arthritis in her hands.  She only wears sweat pants and pull over tops. 
As I went through their house, I noticed cobwebs in corners and mom's jewelry box in the living room and other personal items in odd places. Outside, their yard was overgrown and shingles on the roof looked like they need to be repaired.  It was apparent to me they need assistance.  Mom needs clothes that meet her current limits of mobility.  Mom and dad did not ask for help, but just by looking around I could tell they have some needs. I told them I would look into lining up a few services to help out.   
After that visit, I wondered what my golden child sibling has been doing to assist our parents because it seemed she has done nothing to help them.  She is the one who sees them more frequently, is the favorite child, is the one they center their existence around.  Now I am the one who is looking into in-home care, cleaning and lawn services.  Then I wondered, did I just willingly take on the scapegoat role again?  Has anyone else done this?   
I have read where it is not uncommon for the Golden Child to never help parents as they age. Instead, along comes the good old scapegoat to fix things, but nobody realizes. Ironically, if I never helped our parents I believe their wonderful golden child would let them whither before her eyes. 

[Penny Lane]

Hi Blueberry Pancakes,
It's kind of a sad irony that the golden child doesn't treat the parents any better than they treat everyone else! They've treated you worse than your sister, but (maybe even because of that?) you grew up to be a kind caring human being who still notices their struggle. They center their existence around her, but the person they really need is you. They probably will never see it - but I want you to know that I see it, this is real.

I would ask, are you glad you offered to do all this for them? What do you get out of it? It's definitely kind of you to do projects for your parents, but I don't think you should feel obligated to do so. Especially if it's making you feel pushed back into the dynamic you're trying to escape. How much to do for a PD parent is a personal decision everyone needs to make for themselves, so no judgment, just questions.

This sounds like a really hard situation for you to navigate with the intersection of toxic family dynamics and caring for aging relatives. I hope you can find a way to handle it that works for you.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Thanks PL for replying and for acknowledging the dynamics others do not or cannot see. You raise good questions and I know the answer must be more than helping them gives me purpose and makes me feel worthy of taking up space on this planet. I have come a long way and perhaps this moment is to remind me I  am enough being who I am and am more expansive than just what I am to my FOO. Finding balance is what I will focus on. Thanks.

[bloomie]

Blueberry Pancakes - the dynamic you describe is very familiar to me where the GC sibling comes into the picture, sprinkles fairy dust, and leaves aging parents with legitimate needs charmed they have made an appearance and still sitting with shingles falling off the roof, weeds overtaking the yard, and unable to handle activities of daily living.

Something that has helped me in a very similar situation is the core value that I hold that my actions and choices are not dependent upon the actions and choices of others. I am not attached to what the GC does or does not do. I don't care. I would expect nothing helpful from them anyway and I also recognize that with my own uPD parents and uPDin laws to "help" is to open myself up to the very real possibility that "no good deed goes unpunished".

It is very easy to step into the role of rescuer and go into action to help elderly people who are struggling. I've done that and it was readily accepted until it wasn't, if that makes sense? That role can get painful very fast. I believe this is key: "Mom and dad did not ask for help, but just by looking around I could tell they have some needs."

It might be wise to begin by asking them if they would like some help around the house and let them know what you have noticed before you get too far into this.