Missed call triggers anxiety

Started by Spirit in the sky, September 11, 2019, 01:58:38 PM

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Spirit in the sky

Every time I think I am over the trauma of NMIL I get triggered.

This time it was just seeing a missed call on the phone with her number. I wasn't in and hubby obviously didn't answer but I don't understand why she keeps phoning. We have asked repeatedly that she doesn't call, after all the abusive phone calls in the past.

We are trying to maintain nc and she refuses to accept it. If it's not phone calls it's letters, which are either overly sentimental or rude and abusive. I finally think she's got the message and then she starts all over again.

Pepin

Is there any way you can block her number? 

Also, for any mail that you get, don't open it.  Put it somewhere out of the way or toss it.  If you get email, block that as well or set up a folder to have her email be filtered into.  Write down and document anything that is outside of mail, text or email. 

By doing these things, you can deal with her on your terms rather than being surprised by something that was missed.  I filter emails from NF into a separate folder and read them when I am grounded.  I save all of his emails as evidence of his behavior should they be needed in the future for whatever. 

I have asked NF not to contact me and he has violated this numerous times!  I have thought about going to the police dept and starting a "history" and even considered a restraining order.  But, I am afraid that he would react violently.  So, I just ignore him with what I mentioned above.  I feel bad that he has to resort to the bad behavior that he thinks will help him gain him some sort of relationship with me...not going to happen.  I am done with him and never going back.  The fact that I feel bad for him being "who he is" quells my feelings of anxiety.  Then again, I have been NC with him for 11 years and done a lot of inner work.

Spirit in the sky

We haven't blocked her number because we believe she would react very badly and start phoning me at work again. We have called ID so we just don't answer. My hubby chooses to read the letters, I think maybe he's hoping for an apology, I don't know.

We are always afraid she will turn up at our home again, and she has such a vile temper she could be violent. I really just want her to go away and I know it's never going to happen, she will never give us peace. It's all about winning for her and she refuses to accept hubby wants nothing to do with her.

This woman emotionally abused me for 18 years and I shouldn't be surprised I still get triggered it's early days in my healing journey. Some days I can cope really well and other days I just get that sinking feeling.

I've started to get health anxiety about my hubby, he has been ill in the past but he's ok now. I'm starting to worry he'll get sick and she'll find out and go mad and blame me ( which she has done previously). I know it sounds ridiculous but she has mad my life he'll before.