Missed call triggers anxiety

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Spirit in the sky

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Missed call triggers anxiety
« on: September 11, 2019, 04:58:38 PM »
Every time I think I am over the trauma of NMIL I get triggered.

This time it was just seeing a missed call on the phone with her number. I wasnít in and hubby obviously didnít answer but I donít understand why she keeps phoning. We have asked repeatedly that she doesnít call, after all the abusive phone calls in the past.

We are trying to maintain nc and she refuses to accept it. If itís not phone calls itís letters, which are either overly sentimental or rude and abusive. I finally think sheís got the message and then she starts all over again.
« Last Edit: September 11, 2019, 05:32:17 PM by Spirit in the sky »

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Pepin

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Re: Missed call triggers anxiety
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2019, 06:21:57 PM »
Is there any way you can block her number? 

Also, for any mail that you get, don't open it.  Put it somewhere out of the way or toss it.  If you get email, block that as well or set up a folder to have her email be filtered into.  Write down and document anything that is outside of mail, text or email. 

By doing these things, you can deal with her on your terms rather than being surprised by something that was missed.  I filter emails from NF into a separate folder and read them when I am grounded.  I save all of his emails as evidence of his behavior should they be needed in the future for whatever. 

I have asked NF not to contact me and he has violated this numerous times!  I have thought about going to the police dept and starting a "history" and even considered a restraining order.  But, I am afraid that he would react violently.  So, I just ignore him with what I mentioned above.  I feel bad that he has to resort to the bad behavior that he thinks will help him gain him some sort of relationship with me...not going to happen.  I am done with him and never going back.  The fact that I feel bad for him being "who he is" quells my feelings of anxiety.  Then again, I have been NC with him for 11 years and done a lot of inner work.
Why work so hard to have a relationship with someone that does not care the same way as you?

No PD is going to tell me what to do.

Born into a dysfunctional family and married into a dysfunctional family.

People who don't bring joy, let them go.

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Spirit in the sky

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Re: Missed call triggers anxiety
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2019, 06:54:59 PM »
We havenít blocked her number because we believe she would react very badly and start phoning me at work again. We have called ID so we just donít answer. My hubby chooses to read the letters, I think maybe heís hoping for an apology, I donít know.

We are always afraid she will turn up at our home again, and she has such a vile temper she could be violent. I really just want her to go away and I know itís never going to happen, she will never give us peace. Itís all about winning for her and she refuses to accept hubby wants nothing to do with her.

This woman emotionally abused me for 18 years and I shouldnít be surprised I still get triggered itís early days in my healing journey. Some days I can cope really well and other days I just get that sinking feeling.

Iíve started to get health anxiety about my hubby, he has been ill in the past but heís ok now. Iím starting to worry heíll get sick and sheíll find out and go mad and blame me ( which she has done previously). I know it sounds ridiculous but she has mad my life heíll before.