What is this behaviour?

Jorainbow · September 14, 2019, 05:35:35 AM

My H and I are in the process of separating (though we are still in counselling) but in the meantime (due to the law) he can stay in the marital home and shows no intention of leaving. He is however making my life as miserable and confusing as possible. When asked this morning if he could pick a radiator up next week from a shop about 10 miles away, he announced he will no longer drive the car. He makes plans for himself (no problem) but then asks me what I'm doing and when I say nothing was there something we needed to do (like pick a radiator up!), he announces hes already made plans so there was little point even asking me. Yet he loves me, is committed 100% to try and make things work and doesn't want a permanent split. Is this just game playing or some weird scrabble for control?

Whiteheron · September 14, 2019, 06:26:39 AM

I'd say both. It's a game he's playing (and enjoying) to confuse you, keep you off balance, and as a result, easier to control.

MC and grey rock will be your friends in this situation.

Jorainbow · September 14, 2019, 08:01:13 AM

Thanks I'll keep working on that though today I seem to be more hurt than usual but I guess that's normal. I will never understand why people find enjoyment in this behaviour.

Jorainbow · September 15, 2019, 03:27:59 AM

Or maybe it's simply because he is cheating again. Found a load of I love you messages on his smart watch (left downstairs) this morning. My end of tether has broken.

Whiteheron · September 15, 2019, 07:14:33 AM

Oh, I'm so sorry jorainbow.

Jorainbow · September 15, 2019, 10:53:33 AM

Thanks white heron. I confronted him and he lied initially but apparently has only seen her three times in the last couple of weeks. I had to laugh. The poor woman. If she's saying that after such a short time he's clearly hooked her good and proper. I asked him to leave but of course the controller in him won't as he has paid up til the end of the month. I've offered that money and his he's ignoring me. Simply exhausting

SparkStillLit · September 15, 2019, 12:05:01 PM

Jorainbow wishing you strength as you pass through this and hopefully to lovely freedom. Goodbye, tether! I'm so sorry this has happened.

Jorainbow · September 15, 2019, 06:17:38 PM

Quote from: SparkStillLit on September 15, 2019, 12:05:01 PM
Jorainbow wishing you strength as you pass through this and hopefully to lovely freedom. Goodbye, tether! I'm so sorry this has happened.

Passing through is so far like steering a dinghy through a force 10 hurricane of blatant lies and refusal to answer any questions. I will stop trying to get answers and go MC and Grey rock. I think that way lies calm waters!!