Garnering attention for staying with a bad MD

[Pepin]

I was having some conversations earlier with both DH and friends and their aging parents and something occurred to me that always bugged me.

For years, PDmil has been seeing the same MD and getting no results.  DH's sister does accompany visits and sometimes there is an interpretor since PDmil cannot speak English well enough (though I believe she chooses not to for all the reasons one would think about a PD). 

PDmil's health has nearly been in a constant decline.  She will not stick with any sort of routine and comes up with excuses....whether financial or just doesn't want to.  She has even fibbed about feeling better even if it was just for one day rather than the overall picture.

DH has been trying to get PDmil to change MDs for a very long time.  Obviously he really has no say....it is up to her.  I think the reason she refuses is because this is her way of garnering sympathy and attention.  Everyone frets over her because of her health.  She has in no way taken any sort of charge over her health, ever.  Always needs help and reminders.  This could also be a form of incompetence of which she has been covering for for a very long time -- also in other areas as well. 

I am sad that DH and his siblings are being mentally tortured like this -- and it seems like it is one of the last cards PDmil can play: her health.  If she continues to see a lousy doctor and do nothing for herself, then what is it that she is after?  Attention.  Sympathy.  Companionship.  Control.  Triangulation.  You know the rest...

Literally everyone is running around heeding her beck and call for reasons I don't understand.  They think that SHE doesn't understand what is going on and is making poor choices.  But, SHE knows exactly what she is doing.

I just don't even have words for how low she is behaving...but not surprising.  She has zero love for herself (or anyone else) and therefore, she is going to make sure that those closest to her will be forced to show her the love that she cannot even show them by taking care of her health.  It's sick.

If only DH could realize this madness. 

[p123]

Yep my Dad does the same. Think he prefers to be ill to be honest.

And don't get me started on his meds. Doc game his pain meds, he takes 1/2 the dose. Why - because his friend (not a doctor just someone who worked in the factory with him when he was younger) told him they were "Bad".

So first time I held it together. Told him to speak to his doc with any concerns. Doc said no its all ok. Nope still believes his friend.
So now I get the "Im in so much pain with my knees what am I going to do about it?".

Me - I just say "take your meds" like the doctor advised. I can't help I'm not a doctor. And then I change the subject. Sympathy level has gone down below zero for me.

[IcanseeClearly]

It's part of their playbook. My PD mother literally told my sister smugly that all she has to do is leave me a message about her medical stuff and I'll come running.....that was when I dropped the rope.

But prior to that, all doctors were idiots, they think they know everything, none  of them know what they're doing, etc. All while refusing to schedule follow ups, refusing to get testing completed, refusing to treat manageable conditions, basically finding excuse after excuse. Scheduling, financing, they won't do what she wants etc. I finally realized that it wasn't the doctors lol

I wish you could get your hands on your mils medical chart. She's probably been documented as non compliant. And you're right! They're not motivated to maintain their health or relationships with their providers, because then they'd lose the ability to use it for attention seeking behaviors

[Pepin]

And don't get me started on his meds. Doc game his pain meds, he takes 1/2 the dose. Why - because his friend (not a doctor just someone who worked in the factory with him when he was younger) told him they were "Bad".

Yes!!!  PDmil has been "advised" by others that her meds are not good to be on.  At her age....what is there to lose though? 

But prior to that, all doctors were idiots, they think they know everything, none  of them know what they're doing, etc. All while refusing to schedule follow ups, refusing to get testing completed, refusing to treat manageable conditions, basically finding excuse after excuse. Scheduling, financing, they won't do what she wants etc. I finally realized that it wasn't the doctors lol

I wish you could get your hands on your mils medical chart. She's probably been documented as non compliant. And you're right! They're not motivated to maintain their health or relationships with their providers, because then they'd lose the ability to use it for attention seeking behaviors

This, too!  But it is DH that thinks that the MD is inept.  It is possible that the MD lacks depth, but on the other hand, PDmil has absolutely been non compliant.  She chooses not to take her meds as instructed nor does she continue physical therapy.  By not continuing the PT, she has basically done the minimum for nothing.  DH has been jumping through hoops to help her manage her pain and to get her health on track.  If she sleeps well one night, she stops what she has been taking thinking that she is cured.  Doesn't work that way!!!

I would love to have a copy of her file....I would absolutely comb through it - though I doubt DH would ever ask for one on her behalf.

I remember a while back that PDmil was feeling dizzy and out of it.....she was dehydrated and not eating well.  We told her to drink more fluids and she responded by saying that it would make her run to the bathroom more frequently.  Welcome to the club LADY!  We can't get through the day with 2 trips to the bathroom only....doesn't work like that.  Ridiculous mindset. 

[moglow]

Pepin, all that sounds so familiar. I don't understand the draw to constantly complaining. Do something - either have the surgery they suggested, find someone/thing else that's more effective, change meds, etc. But to just sit back and "he prescribed this but it isn't working"?  Does he know it's not helping, has she told him about the side effects?? Doubtful.

Mine will try this that and the other thing - get all excited over the latest thing someone told her for a few weeks then you never hear another word about it. Let her get a bad review about anything and she's done - because of course everyone is the same? She hasn't a clue about supplements or that they're literally just to supplement her diet, not necessarily a cure for every complaint under the sun. "But I'm still having xyz ..." and another one bites the dust.

And the fluids. No, mother, drinking all those diet sodas are not a good idea and they're not a replacement for water. No, a lot of sugar isn't a great thing either but those artificial sweeteners and SODIUM? You have high blood pressure, and sodium isn't just table salt. Just no.