She always turns the conversation to herself

Bean_Counter · September 18, 2019, 09:04:09 AM

Does anyone else have the issue where your PD parent HAS to talk about themselves 100% of the time? It has become so pronounced with my mother that I get angry with myself for bothering to say anything to her at all. (She lives with me, so not speaking to her isn't really an option). This morning: Me: "My ears have been hurting for a few days. Think I'll run to the Little Clinic after work, so I'll be home late." Her: "Oh, mine hurt, too. They've been like that for a week. I'm so tired, too....but anyway, like I was saying...."
This is just the most recent example. SHE TURNS EVERY STATEMENT THAT SHE HEARS INTO SOMETHING ABOUT HER. Even me talking to my cat will turn into a conversation about her if she overhears. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this? I can't keep getting mad every time I utter a word in my own home, but she will never change. She has cancer so I can't kick her out. Please-suggestions!

Andeza · September 18, 2019, 10:36:00 AM

Oh no.... You're living with my UbpdM. The only thing that works with m is dh. He can barrel over her attempts to turn the conversation.

Only other thing I've got is walk out of the room.

Lilyloo · September 18, 2019, 12:09:18 PM

Bean_Counter, Yes, my Mother also 100% of the time makes it about herself. I don't even deal with her anymore! I am sorry you have to hear it. I feel very bad for you.

I am VLC and it's because of this very topic. I could no longer cope. I wanted to scream! I hope you can find some ways to take care of YOU.

Blessings

Gaining Clarity · September 18, 2019, 06:21:45 PM

Bean_Counter,

My Nmom is the same way. I'm NC with her now, so it's not an issue.

I feel for you having to deal with it on a daily basis. It's exhausting isn't it?

Before I went NC though, I did find something that seemed to have some affect on her. Every time she sucked every bit of air out of the room or hijacked the conversation, I would go completely silent. I wouldn't respond to her - not even a uh-huh. It usually silenced her if only for a minute or two.

Hope you can find some peace and quiet.

Call Me Cordelia · September 18, 2019, 06:51:33 PM

One more me too. Also NC. I guess you could try never telling her anything about yourself, since that seems to be her cue to talk about herself.

Andeza · September 18, 2019, 07:16:16 PM

Unfortunately, this verbal vomit type feels the need to fill the silence. At least mine does. She likes to blame it on "my(her) social anxiety" but really she just doesn't understand the concept that the world does not revolve around her, and nobody wants to hear about her myriad depressing health problems.

Went to a couple of therapy sessions and the therapist asked if it's possible to redirect the conversation when I feel it sliding in the direction of nonstop health problems. I informed her it doesn't slide so much as it goes running headlong off a cliff. She was flabbergasted.

I could be talking about a classic car show, and the next thing out of her mouth would be how the exhaust gives her a headache, then launch into chronic migraines

The only solution I've found is severely limiting contact.

Bean_Counter · September 19, 2019, 07:14:54 AM

Thank you to everyone who posted-it's comforting to know I'm not the only one, but I'm sorry y'all are dealing with this, too! Last night I took a few suggestions, and did not say anything at all about myself, AND went dead silent when she inevitably turned an episode of Master Chef into a story about her deprived childhood. She kept talking, with zero reaction from me, for about 5 minutes. Then she pouted and sulked...and I got to watch the season finale without a running commentary on all things her. I'm calling it a win. Thanks guys!

GentleSoul · September 19, 2019, 08:10:45 AM

My uPD husband is the same way.

Gaining Clarity · September 19, 2019, 08:36:13 AM

Glad you had a few moments of peace, Bean_Counter

Hazy111 · September 19, 2019, 10:49:49 AM

Its called monologing. Its very common trait with narcissistic personalities. No suggestions, humor maybe to take them out of their bubble but depends on how self aware they are.

Psuedonym · September 19, 2019, 01:36:00 PM

Andeza,

God yes: Unfortunately, this verbal vomit type feels the need to fill the silence.

Before I went NC, mine would literally ask me the same question over and over again and when I'd say: Why are you asking me the same question you just asked 2 minutes ago and she'd say 'I was just trying to make conversation!!' Noooo, you were saying 'pay attention to me! pay attention to me! pay attention to me!' like a three year old. And yes, every conversation turns into 'Did I every tell you about....(me: yes, about 1,000 times) ...steamrolls right over that with a story about her terrible childhood.

Sorry you're dealing with this Bean_Counter! It ain't no fun.