Word choice/phrasing matters

[NotFooledAnymore]

So, my NPDmil never takes personal responsibility for any of her actions (shocking!), specifically the lies by omission. For instance, she'll tell us her health is so bad that she can no longer travel, yet we knew she was about to go on a European cruise (information we we received from another relative). When we pressed her on if she really meant she couldn't travel anymore (knowing her plans, but she didn't know we knew), she then said she couldn't travel to any "warm/humid climates" anymore (even though she lives in one).

I then realized how she justifies to herself that she's not lying to people. The cruise was in a cooler climate, so in her eyes she doesn't think she's lying. Only after asking her for a 3rd time about travel plans did she finally confess that she was going on a cruise the following week. Had we not already known this  information from another source, we would have never known that this woman (who claims she's on her death bed and can't travel) was in fact leaving the country for two weeks to take a cruise.

She's done this sort of thing before and will insist she told us (which she didn't) or insist that she never lied or withheld information. I now see that it's her very deliberate word choice (in this case "warm/humid" climates) that she uses to excuse her lying.

Have any of you experienced this with dealing with the PD in your life? It's such a sneaky thing, the way they phrase things to absolve themselves of any personal responsibility.

[doingoveroroverdoing]

Yes, I am familiar with the evasions & lies of omission. As a kid I had decoding abilities that I'm trying to shed. Like sometimes i would know to react as if she'd said the opposite. Her offering to something meant I was to take care of it right away. I can't think of example off the top but it was usually related to her wanting us to know her mind.  "let's stop for groceries" meant she wanted us to ask her to get pizza or hit drive thru. Otherwise it's greedy & lazy to get take out & wrong to ask for it.

[clara]

Unless they really really have a good reason for doing so (i.e., it's to their advantage somehow) they will never admit to not telling you the truth or having exaggerated.  Even if you catch them in a lie, they'll say you misunderstood, they'll clarify it with another lie, or they'll tell you they never said such thing.  Over-explaining, to the point where you tend to forget the original misleading statement, is another of their tactics.  They have years of experience in this, so any attempt to attach their lies to them almost never works.  They always have more words to add to the statement, and usually the outcome is that you just give up and try to let it go because discussing or arguing or confronting goes nowhere.  And yes, I also think there are times when they convince even themselves of their lies because, since they can't be wrong, even when they lie they're right.  Pretzel logic!