Hello & thanks

[doingoveroroverdoing]

The language you use here is so helpful. I have distanced myself from my undiagnosed narcissistic mother & co-narcissist father, but fleas persist. I'm afraid of how empty I feel as I realize my behavior & character are still polluted.

[SerenityCat]

Welcome!

I also had to distance myself from my parents. My own healing and recovery continues. I think this all takes time. Our recovery journey can include fits and starts, it may not be always an upward progression.

I learn from my mistakes, make new choices, and carry on.

It has worked well for me to change my habits. I give my mind new information. I talk to myself differently. I work on making my mind my friend.

Maybe many of us have to empty out before we can fill back up with healthy goodness. For myself, this has all been an uncomfortable process yet so worth it.

I agree with you, the language used here is so helpful! I am learning so much.

We understand here. There is hope.

[Spring Butterfly]

Adding my welcome and yes I too had to distance myself, deal with fleas, heal and find peace.  Wishing you a healing journey and that you find the support here you need.

[treesgrowslowly]

Hello doingoveroroverdoing,

Welcome to the forum. I'm glad the stuff here has been useful.

There is a grieving process that comes with distancing ourselves from dysfunctional relationships especially with parents, people we spent a long time with. Counselling can be helpful as you unpack the things you are feeling these days. Is that an option you'd consider?

Your post reminded me of the experience we have when we come Out of the FOG after being raised by narcissistic parents. Specifically about growth and change. Our growth is going to happen as we work on the fleas we have and it is totally understandable to feel scared about feeling empty, which is something you will see change the more you recover.

So early in the process the fleas involve seeing which beliefs or ideas we think, that are actually theirs not ours. Counselling, and this forum are helpful with working on this. Seeing their beliefs as theirs. Letting them 'have' their beliefs and saying "nope, that's not what I believe".

[doingoveroroverdoing]

It has worked well for me to change my habits. I give my mind new information. I talk to myself differently. I work on making my mind my friend.

Maybe many of us have to empty out before we can fill back up with healthy goodness. For myself, this has all been an uncomfortable process yet so worth it.

Changing habits & how I talk to myself, that's exactly how I need to think about my work right now.  Thank you.

[doingoveroroverdoing]

Hello doingoveroroverdoing,
There is a grieving process that comes with distancing ourselves from dysfunctional relationships especially with parents, people we spent a long time with. Counselling can be helpful as you unpack the things you are feeling these days. Is that an option you'd consider?

I do work with a T.  I realized recently I kind of skipped individuation—SB's signature reminds its importance—and have been paying for it with anxiety & depression. I am glad others recognize & have gotten through  the emptiness.

Thanks for your kind replies.

[Lizard Huntress]

Welcome!

And golly I relate to how you put it.  My own ideas and feelings are the hurdle to overcome.  That is a tough pill to swallow.  And emptiness describes it well. 

I'm new here also, I believe there are solutions for us.  It is so good to have companions in that emptiness and they are here.