Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year

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p123

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #60 on: October 24, 2019, 09:24:50 AM »
My Political Candidate card for xmas when he kicks off is "Its just one day" and "There's always next year"

Number of times I've heard this from him when he expects me cancel something with my kids, and put him first. Taste of your own medicine here!

Not sure how Political Candidate came out on here lol. Meant Perfect Candidate....

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p123

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #61 on: October 24, 2019, 09:26:58 AM »
That is perfect. Use the same words he uses on you.

and "Well, It can't be helped" when he thinks he needs something and I tell him its awkward.

Incidentally, a few years ago I had the "There'll be other xmases" about 50 times when he was in hospital  one year. I was going to visit but he, basically, wanted me there at 9am and to stay most of the day (and basically ignore my kids).

In the end I turned up at 3pm, stayed for an hour. He was not happy.

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nanotech

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #62 on: October 24, 2019, 01:29:25 PM »
Yes P123 that sounds healthy!
I wouldn’t put it past my dad to engineer a hospital visit on the day.
He’s got a cold at the moment and he’s really waifing about that.

I’ve just  told him that me and the hubster would like to visit him and take him out for a meal on one day near to Christmas, as we may be away Christmas Day / Christmas night. 

Which we may be!

He said okay but he wasn’t enthusiastic! Quite monotone and annoyed really.

It’s a nice offer we’ve made. He’s just beginning to realise that I’m not giving in about not approving of him driving all the way to our house.

I wish he were more like normal folk in their eighties! Things would be simpler.

There’s a lovely restaurant nearby his house, he likes the food, and we always pay for him of course.

He told me GC brother wants to take him out Boxing Day not Christmas Day, then quotes the massive price difference and how cost effective this will be for them both!
 
 Older sis always leaves town and goes to her family in another town so that leaves younger sis to see him Christmas Day.
We could go of course but it’s a long drive whereas she’s a few streets away.

No one cared when we first moved out of our home town. In fact my PD siblings were pleased I think. Mum was still alive then. The assumption was that dad would pass on first, and mum who was very very close to GC brother( through mum he controlled the family through triangulation) would almost certainly move in with  him.
No one expected mum to go and dad still to be here. It’s years now.
It makes me feel sad how we all try to avoid him.
But it is what is is.
 Sigh I’d have him here in a heartbeat if I could have even a slightly healthier relationship with him.
87 year olds in general need care and can be a lot of work, but it isn’t that! If he had a real illness and became forgetful and fraiI and genuinely in need, well I could care for him and maybe he would finally stop trying to be superior and critical all the time, and wanting to drive everywhere still.  :blush: :roll:

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p123

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #63 on: October 25, 2019, 05:38:38 AM »
Yes P123 that sounds healthy!
I wouldn’t put it past my dad to engineer a hospital visit on the day.
He’s got a cold at the moment and he’s really waifing about that.

I’ve just  told him that me and the hubster would like to visit him and take him out for a meal on one day near to Christmas, as we may be away Christmas Day / Christmas night. 

Which we may be!

He said okay but he wasn’t enthusiastic! Quite monotone and annoyed really.

It’s a nice offer we’ve made. He’s just beginning to realise that I’m not giving in about not approving of him driving all the way to our house.

I wish he were more like normal folk in their eighties! Things would be simpler.

There’s a lovely restaurant nearby his house, he likes the food, and we always pay for him of course.

He told me GC brother wants to take him out Boxing Day not Christmas Day, then quotes the massive price difference and how cost effective this will be for them both!
 
 Older sis always leaves town and goes to her family in another town so that leaves younger sis to see him Christmas Day.
We could go of course but it’s a long drive whereas she’s a few streets away.

No one cared when we first moved out of our home town. In fact my PD siblings were pleased I think. Mum was still alive then. The assumption was that dad would pass on first, and mum who was very very close to GC brother( through mum he controlled the family through triangulation) would almost certainly move in with  him.
No one expected mum to go and dad still to be here. It’s years now.
It makes me feel sad how we all try to avoid him.
But it is what is is.
 Sigh I’d have him here in a heartbeat if I could have even a slightly healthier relationship with him.
87 year olds in general need care and can be a lot of work, but it isn’t that! If he had a real illness and became forgetful and fraiI and genuinely in need, well I could care for him and maybe he would finally stop trying to be superior and critical all the time, and wanting to drive everywhere still.  :blush: :roll:

I'm hoping to take him out somewhere boxing day. BUT I'm sure he'll want to visit my house. There will be no-one there! Wife is working that day.

Its almost sometimes hes got a tick list in his head of things that "have to be done". Visited p over xmas - tick.

Like I said before hes been on xmas day and stayed hours when you can see hes not enjoying himself but in his head, hes thinking "I've got to do this". Its well weird sometimes.

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p123

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #64 on: December 02, 2019, 08:31:45 AM »
YAY Xmas sorted. I managed to do it.

Sprung it on me. "So am  I coming to your house for Xmas day".
Me "Nope but we can do something Boxing Day".
Dad "But your brothers away Xmas day I'll be all alone".
Me: "So he says - anyway we'll plan Boxing Day nearer the time"
Dad: mumble mumble, microwave dinner, mumble mumble.

Do you know what though. The amount of guilt felt is ZERO. Hes ruined so many xmases with his bad attitude and behaviour I just now think - no way its time to put my kids first now.

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illogical

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #65 on: December 02, 2019, 09:05:30 AM »
Hi p123,

You handled that splendidly!

*First, you said "No", but gave him a reasonable alternative.
*Second, luv the part where your dad said "But your brothers away Xmas day I'll be all alone" [playing The Major Guilt Card here] and you answered "So he says-- anyway we'll plan Boxing Day nearer the time".  Ha,ha on the "so he says" and great on repeating your answer.

It looks like you are sorting out the difference between unwarranted guilt-- guilt foist upon you by the PD that has no rational basis, because living your own life is nothing to feel guilty about and you've done nothing wrong--  and, warranted guilt-- when your conscience tells you you f**ed up.

I would expect this is not the last you will hear of this.  Your dad may obsess on it and hold onto the idea of coming to your house like a dog with a bone.  But whatever tactic he pulls, you can handle it.  If he catches you off guard and you freeze or don't know what to say, don't commit.  The "Urgency" Tactic is one often used to try to catch you off balance and you blurt out "Sure, okay" before you even know what you are saying.  So if he pulls that one, hedge and say "I'll have to get back to you" or "I'll have to check with my wife on that" or some other nebulous answer.  Then, when your emotions have calmed down, you can tell him "No, that won't work".

You are so on the right track here!   :yes:
« Last Edit: December 02, 2019, 09:08:16 AM by illogical »
"Applying logic to potentially illogical behaviour is to construct a house on shifting foundations.  The structure will inevitably collapse."

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Outsiderchild

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #66 on: December 02, 2019, 10:09:02 AM »
I would also be planning your response when you get the phone call on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day from the authorities telling you your father has fallen or cut his head on a cabinet door again.  You need to prepare your responses because your father will up the ante to force you into giving him attention.  What a perfect way to punish you for leaving him alone.  I know I am not good at thinking on my feet in those situations and I need to plan my action so that I am not manipulated into doing things by either my parents or the health care providers.   Will you be able to let him be hospitalized and not go pick him up on Christmas Day?   

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illogical

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #67 on: December 02, 2019, 11:47:20 AM »
Outsiderchild poses a very probable scenario. 

I think you have to decide what you are willing to do, p123, and what you are not. 

I have been in the situation Outsiderchild poses.   I received a call on a holiday weekend from my NM's Assisted Living Facility (they were an "independent" living facility, i.e., they provided assistance with shopping, meals, housekeeping services, doctor transport, but no medical support, no doctors or nurses on their staff).  My NM had fallen and they called an ambulance and she was in the hospital. 

I was still in the FOG at the time, but I was starting to come out and set some boundaries.  I let all phone calls that I didn't know who the originator was go to voice mail-- this was to give me time to plan my responses, not just emotionally react to the situation.  The woman from the ALF that left the v-mail sounded very angry.  She said "Your mother has fallen and is in the hospital.  You need to get over here now!"

I let three hours go by without calling her back.  My reasoning was, I am not a nurse or doctor, so what can I do, outside of lending emotional support, which I was not willing to do.  My NM was in a safe place-- the hospital-- where professionals were tending to her medical needs.  It wasn't like I left her on a street corner, destitute and fallen.   :dramaqueen:

When I did finally, after three hours, call the ALF back, there had been a shift change and the "angry woman" was not on duty anymore.  The receptionist only said that NM was in the hospital.  I said "thanks" and hung up.

Then I waited.  Several more hours passed and I got a phone call from the hospital (at this point my emotions had settled, I could think logically and respond, not react, so I picked up my phone calls) saying that my NM was being released and would I pick her up?  I said "No, I'm not able to do that, but I can arrange some medical transport if you aren't able."  The woman was, I think, surprised, but said she that she would relay that information to NM.

I never got another phone call asking me to arrange transport.  I found out later that NM had called a neighbor to pick her up from the hospital and take her back to the ALF. 

That was the beginning, for me, to not getting sucked into the "medical emergency" drama that my NM loved to create.  And drag me into.  And I never knew if the emergency was "real" or fake.  But it didn't matter.  I was not going to be dragged into the fray. 

So my advice to you, p123, is to decide what you are willing to do, if indeed the worst happens. Set that boundary and let the chips fall where they may.  Have a plan, even some planned responses, as Outsiderchild suggests. 

Then, after preparing for the worst case scenario, proceed to have a lovely Xmas!
"Applying logic to potentially illogical behaviour is to construct a house on shifting foundations.  The structure will inevitably collapse."

__Stewart Stafford

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p123

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #68 on: December 02, 2019, 11:57:05 AM »
Hi p123,

You handled that splendidly!

*First, you said "No", but gave him a reasonable alternative.
*Second, luv the part where your dad said "But your brothers away Xmas day I'll be all alone" [playing The Major Guilt Card here] and you answered "So he says-- anyway we'll plan Boxing Day nearer the time".  Ha,ha on the "so he says" and great on repeating your answer.

It looks like you are sorting out the difference between unwarranted guilt-- guilt foist upon you by the PD that has no rational basis, because living your own life is nothing to feel guilty about and you've done nothing wrong--  and, warranted guilt-- when your conscience tells you you f**ed up.

I would expect this is not the last you will hear of this.  Your dad may obsess on it and hold onto the idea of coming to your house like a dog with a bone.  But whatever tactic he pulls, you can handle it.  If he catches you off guard and you freeze or don't know what to say, don't commit.  The "Urgency" Tactic is one often used to try to catch you off balance and you blurt out "Sure, okay" before you even know what you are saying.  So if he pulls that one, hedge and say "I'll have to get back to you" or "I'll have to check with my wife on that" or some other nebulous answer.  Then, when your emotions have calmed down, you can tell him "No, that won't work".

You are so on the right track here!   :yes:

Yes I've got my head around the guilt these days.  My mother-in-law will be there with us but shes no problem. For years and years, I had hours of driving each way, arguments because I wouldn't pick him up when he wanted, then hours being on tenterhooks while he was there hoping he woudn't upset anyone. Xmas day didnt start for me until 6pm when he'd gone home. I'd worry for months in advance too.

My wife was good. For years. BUT he'd do something and we'd argue. His table manners and general manners were awful. He just did what he wanted. The year he pretended he was ill was the final straw. I know hes old, but hes 5 years older than my MIL. Shes got her ways but he makes no effort for anyone else or to fit in and go with the flow.

Thing is as well - it became obvious he did not enjoy coming anyway. He sat there like a sort thumb. Spoke to no-one. Moaned it was too dark, too noisy etc. Then he'd say he was glad it was over when I took him home.  OMG! I'd say "sure you dont want to stay home we dont' mind". "No no I've got to come over at xmas". It did become a habit/obligation for him to be honest.

Well, if boxing day becomes the new habit then all is good. Hes like that - do it once or twice and its forever. Now if I can get him to go to a restaurant with me on boxing day then job done. Saves me driving 30 mins each way twice. There'll be no-one in my house anyway apart from me. (Wife IS working, MIL will take my youngest down her sons, teenage son will be there (headset on, playing PC games, not speaking so he doesnt count!)


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p123

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #69 on: December 02, 2019, 12:10:09 PM »
I would also be planning your response when you get the phone call on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day from the authorities telling you your father has fallen or cut his head on a cabinet door again.  You need to prepare your responses because your father will up the ante to force you into giving him attention.  What a perfect way to punish you for leaving him alone.  I know I am not good at thinking on my feet in those situations and I need to plan my action so that I am not manipulated into doing things by either my parents or the health care providers.   Will you be able to let him be hospitalized and not go pick him up on Christmas Day?

Oooh good point. Hes got previous with fake injuries too !

The one time he was in hospital over xmas (genuine this time) he was a NIGHTMARE! Pretty much demanded I turn up to visit first thing and stayed most of the days. My protests of "I'll be there later when kids have opened their xmas presents" were met with "There'll be other xmases - the kids will understand. And anyway you're wife will be there". He was AWFUL. I didn't give in that time - probably my 1st ever pushback (probably because my wife was NOT impressed with the idea AT ALL). He moaned and moaned and moaned....

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p123

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #70 on: December 02, 2019, 12:25:43 PM »
Outsiderchild poses a very probable scenario. 

I think you have to decide what you are willing to do, p123, and what you are not. 

I have been in the situation Outsiderchild poses.   I received a call on a holiday weekend from my NM's Assisted Living Facility (they were an "independent" living facility, i.e., they provided assistance with shopping, meals, housekeeping services, doctor transport, but no medical support, no doctors or nurses on their staff).  My NM had fallen and they called an ambulance and she was in the hospital. 

I was still in the FOG at the time, but I was starting to come out and set some boundaries.  I let all phone calls that I didn't know who the originator was go to voice mail-- this was to give me time to plan my responses, not just emotionally react to the situation.  The woman from the ALF that left the v-mail sounded very angry.  She said "Your mother has fallen and is in the hospital.  You need to get over here now!"

I let three hours go by without calling her back.  My reasoning was, I am not a nurse or doctor, so what can I do, outside of lending emotional support, which I was not willing to do.  My NM was in a safe place-- the hospital-- where professionals were tending to her medical needs.  It wasn't like I left her on a street corner, destitute and fallen.   :dramaqueen:

When I did finally, after three hours, call the ALF back, there had been a shift change and the "angry woman" was not on duty anymore.  The receptionist only said that NM was in the hospital.  I said "thanks" and hung up.

Then I waited.  Several more hours passed and I got a phone call from the hospital (at this point my emotions had settled, I could think logically and respond, not react, so I picked up my phone calls) saying that my NM was being released and would I pick her up?  I said "No, I'm not able to do that, but I can arrange some medical transport if you aren't able."  The woman was, I think, surprised, but said she that she would relay that information to NM.

I never got another phone call asking me to arrange transport.  I found out later that NM had called a neighbor to pick her up from the hospital and take her back to the ALF. 

That was the beginning, for me, to not getting sucked into the "medical emergency" drama that my NM loved to create.  And drag me into.  And I never knew if the emergency was "real" or fake.  But it didn't matter.  I was not going to be dragged into the fray. 

So my advice to you, p123, is to decide what you are willing to do, if indeed the worst happens. Set that boundary and let the chips fall where they may.  Have a plan, even some planned responses, as Outsiderchild suggests. 

Then, after preparing for the worst case scenario, proceed to have a lovely Xmas!

Illogical - thought of that. I wont be going to the hospital. I live 30 mins from Dad, 20-25 mins further to the hospital. Any genuine emergency is pointless calling me rather than an ambulance.

Of course then I've always got the "wife's in work, I've got the kids" excuse (he thinks shes working - shes a nurse). Or better still (because hes paranoid about this!) "I've had a drink I can't drive". Oh he'd push that - can't you drop kids off, or can't wife take time off work (NO! shes a nurse out visiting people who are also ill so shes not letting them down!)

Now I just hope hes not too clever and does something like call at 10pm Xmas eve or something. Might unplug phone/block number.




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nanotech

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #71 on: December 02, 2019, 09:25:58 PM »
Really well done! That’s brilliant!
If he does ring with a last minute emergency, it will be health or food.
So you could order him some freezer food to be delivered as a ‘Christmas surprise’.
My dad used to have nothing in his freezer, always worrying about food poisoning!
My family used to catastrophise a lot.
Somehow I talked him into always having some frozen ready meals/ fish fingers in there, in case of illness or snowy weather, or some such reason.
He does this now ( wow) and often tells me what good advice I gave him!
I also pointed out to him that fuller freezers are cheaper to run than empty ones. He loves saving money.

If it’s his health, give him a plan that doesn’t involve you driving there,

’Dad, it’s best if you ring 111/ ambulance/ doctor on call.

You’re not a doctor.

Or it might be an appliance.
‘Microwave’s broken ‘
‘ Put it in the oven’
‘ But the pack says microwave’
‘ Dad, it’ll be fine. Leave it longer.’
( buy him ready meals that go in both)

‘The boiler won’t turn on.’

‘I’ll ring an emergency on call plumber for you dad.’

Does he have insurance on his gas appliances? Might be worth taking some out!

Maybe also take a look what’s on tv that he will enjoy watching. If he rings and says nothing good is on, prove him wrong.

You might be fine and he may not pull any stunts- but it’s better to be prepared! 🎄


« Last Edit: December 02, 2019, 09:33:01 PM by nanotech »

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p123

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #72 on: December 03, 2019, 06:28:40 AM »
Really well done! That’s brilliant!
If he does ring with a last minute emergency, it will be health or food.
So you could order him some freezer food to be delivered as a ‘Christmas surprise’.
My dad used to have nothing in his freezer, always worrying about food poisoning!
My family used to catastrophise a lot.
Somehow I talked him into always having some frozen ready meals/ fish fingers in there, in case of illness or snowy weather, or some such reason.
He does this now ( wow) and often tells me what good advice I gave him!
I also pointed out to him that fuller freezers are cheaper to run than empty ones. He loves saving money.

If it’s his health, give him a plan that doesn’t involve you driving there,

’Dad, it’s best if you ring 111/ ambulance/ doctor on call.

You’re not a doctor.

Or it might be an appliance.
‘Microwave’s broken ‘
‘ Put it in the oven’
‘ But the pack says microwave’
‘ Dad, it’ll be fine. Leave it longer.’
( buy him ready meals that go in both)

‘The boiler won’t turn on.’

‘I’ll ring an emergency on call plumber for you dad.’

Does he have insurance on his gas appliances? Might be worth taking some out!

Maybe also take a look what’s on tv that he will enjoy watching. If he rings and says nothing good is on, prove him wrong.

You might be fine and he may not pull any stunts- but it’s better to be prepared! 🎄

Yes I plan to be prepared thats for sure!

Brother is still telling Dad hes on holidays over Xmas. I'm just waiting for Dad to tell him that I've not invited him over for Xmas day. Brother will likely go mad - lucky I've blocked his number and blocked him on facebook.

It could go one or two ways then. Brother will either admit theres no holiday and play the martyr and have dad over on xmas day, or he'll lie and keep up the pretence.

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Adrianna

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #73 on: December 03, 2019, 08:36:46 AM »
Excellent progress with boundary setting! Good for you!

I agree have a plan in case he ends up in hospital demanding attention from you. We both know the lengths they will go to for attention and he wouldn’t think twice about pulling you away from your family to get you out there.  Can you have them bring him home in a cab? My father did that once. He wanted me to wait at hospital for him to be discharged from emergency room at like 1 in the morning. I said no way I’m working in the morning. He took a cab home.
Practice an attitude of gratitude.

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p123

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #74 on: December 03, 2019, 12:13:36 PM »
Excellent progress with boundary setting! Good for you!

I agree have a plan in case he ends up in hospital demanding attention from you. We both know the lengths they will go to for attention and he wouldn’t think twice about pulling you away from your family to get you out there.  Can you have them bring him home in a cab? My father did that once. He wanted me to wait at hospital for him to be discharged from emergency room at like 1 in the morning. I said no way I’m working in the morning. He took a cab home.

I was in work once 80 miles away and Dad wanted a lift home (another fake admission again!). It would have taken me an hour on the train, then 30 mins drive. I said "Dad get a taxi I will pay for it". Its about 15 mins from his home.

Not only could I just bail from my client - it wasnt an emergency after all, I'd not get paid for the afternoon.

Nope - £10 on a taxi even if I was paying no way. He even got the nurse to call me back and give me a ear bashing how I couldnt be bothered to pick your own father up. Was not impressed. If only she knew the truth.

He sat in a plastic chair for something like 5 hours waiting for free patient transport. All to save £10. Then blamed me for making him ill because he was so stiff from sitting there.

I have a plan. Like I said with wife working all hours and days hes had it. I've got kids so no middle of night adventures for me.


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nanotech

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #75 on: December 03, 2019, 12:17:46 PM »
My dad does stuff like this regarding health emergencies.
My two undiagnosed narc siblings jump to attention and often flock to the hospital like lemmings over the cliff.
Then the finger gets pointed at me for not doing the same.
Ask me if I’m bothered 😕
I’m not doing it.
They discharged him at 1am one time. He got very upset with the staff. He told them he wasn’t going. He wanted to be admitted to a ward. There was nothing wrong with him.
He ended up sleeping on a trolley because they had no bed.  :stars:
« Last Edit: December 03, 2019, 12:56:41 PM by nanotech »

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p123

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #76 on: December 03, 2019, 01:19:12 PM »
My dad does stuff like this regarding health emergencies.
My two undiagnosed narc siblings jump to attention and often flock to the hospital like lemmings over the cliff.
Then the finger gets pointed at me for not doing the same.
Ask me if I’m bothered 😕
I’m not doing it.
They discharged him at 1am one time. He got very upset with the staff. He told them he wasn’t going. He wanted to be admitted to a ward. There was nothing wrong with him.
He ended up sleeping on a trolley because they had no bed.  :stars:

All sounds very familiar..... Brother is the same - except when hes down the pub...

Dads last fake admission was after a week of him being convinced he should be in hospital. He had a cold , maybe a chest infection. Two GPs, and one paramedic had all said NO you do not need to be in hospital. He called me and called me trying to convince me- what? I can't get you admitted after all!

So day later, we had a "fall" which involved a story that changed three times and seemed a bit unlikely. Even the head wound seemed strange. Hospital noted this also that it looked self-inflicted. Nothing ever got progressed.

Of course they kicked him out after a day or two as well. And he expected a lift home immediately.

I work closer now, but sometimes I wish I worked 60 miles away still..... (saying that it was a 6 hour round trip he'd still expect the same)

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nanotech

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #77 on: December 03, 2019, 08:25:14 PM »
Crikey. They are so similar.
My dad even disrupted my auntie’s  funeral with a feigned illness that was self inflicted.
(he walked outdoors when he should have been resting, until he brought on a ‘stitch’ which he then decided was probable heart pain!)
We were in another town 3 hours from home so it was a nice little jolly for him to a different hospital!
It got him away from the funeral wake-( he couldn’t care less about my mum’s family now that my mum has passed).
He tried to duck the actual funeral too, but I wouldn’t allow him to.  I practically frogmarched him in to the service, while he complained and insisted on ‘sitting near the back in case I collapse and have to be rushed to hospital.’’
  :sadno: Clearly. Nothing. Wrong.  :sadno:
I got Nbro to take him to a&e and I stayed at the wake to represent my mum. No other siblings attended.
I went up to the hospital after the wake, met with a very frosty greeting from the two grim narcs.
Lots of traipsing up and down stairs getting him to this and that department and bringing him food and drink. Dealing with his rudeness to staff and his loud and random bleating about how long his results were taking and that he needed to be ‘ comfy in a bed on a ward,’ and why wasn’t I chasing the blood results?
I told him they had warned us they would take two hours, and that everyone here had waited a long time.
No reply.
Once I knew he was being released, and not kept in - off I went to catch my train.
Came home in the dark.
 As I travelled on my own, neither one of the two males in my FOO checked up on a sixty year old woman that I was ok.
We had had a tricky journey down with cancelled trains and the like. As it was I had to change trains and ended up on a very lonely unmanned platform, middle of nowhere in a really run -down area.
The things you do to avoid narc car rides!
I texted NBRO  a few times while on the train to see if they had set off yet. No reply.
If you are no longer useful, you’re discarded. NBro was also annoyed that I wasn’t returning with him in his car. It stopped him looking like the hero.
Nope,  not doing that.
Two mood -ridden narcs in a car erm no thank you I’ll pass.

 
« Last Edit: December 03, 2019, 08:39:53 PM by nanotech »

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p123

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #78 on: December 04, 2019, 06:27:47 AM »
nanotech - oh the "chest pain" and "can't breathe" tricks. Had that more than once.....

When he gets found out he then apologises but does it again weeks later.
I told him if he ever feigned anything serious again, it'd be the last time I came to visit. He stopped then.

He probably will have real pains one time and not ring anyone. To be honest, the ambulance came the next day last time - they've got his card marked. GP refuses to come out. We'll probably find him dead in the chair one day.

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lkdrymom

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Re: Xmas is coming - my least favourite time of the year
« Reply #79 on: December 04, 2019, 08:55:57 AM »
My father has so many trips to the ER over nothing. I stopped going to pick him up.  I just did not have that kind of time to waste sitting in a hospital waiting for him to be discharged.  For awhile I did run myself ragged to and from hospitals when this was a new thing..who wouldn't?  Going to a hospital was a big deal...until it is not.  And the guilt you got from the hospital staff was not good.  I really should have filed a complaint the one time.  But they don't know his history.

One time at AL my father fell but did not hurt himself so declined going to the ER.  Later he WANTED to go for constipation but they would not agree to that....so he tells him his head hurts from the fall so they will take him.  Of course every one likes to say "the poor thing, he has dementia, he doesn't know what he is doing"   BS!  They know exactly what they are doing.  (FWIW my father has never been diagnosed with dementia...I had him test 3 years ago....of course now I think the results would be different).