I agree - you're too soft with your dad, and really need to shore up your boundaries.
It doesn't matter what your dad *wants* or thinks he's entitled to - if he expects you to pick him up at 9, but noon works better for you, that's what you offer, no matter what he says.

"Dad, I can pick you up at noon. No, 9AM doesn't work for me. It's noon or nothing. Your choice."

If he chooses to stay home - fine. If he chooses to be picked up at noon, but does nothing but complain about it, don't even let him in your car. State, "Obviously, this is a bad idea." - and *leave.*

Hospitals? It doesn't matter what time he wants you - show up when the time works for YOU. If he complains - leave.

And you don't even have to visit him. Hell, Didi was in the hospital about 20 or more times, in the last year of her life, and I didn't go once.
I only went to visit Ray for 5 minutes, and that was just to drop off his teeth and leave. If he hadn't needed his teeth, I wouldn't have gone.

Just because he's in a hospital, doesn't mean your life goes on stand-by. Your life goes on, as usual - and if you can't or won't make time to visit your dad, there's nothing wrong with that.
You can't control your dad - but you can control YOU. You can stop JADEing (no reasons other than, "This is what's happening, and when..."

) and visiting, stopping over, or bringing him to yours when the time is convenient for YOU - and if that happens to be never, it is what it is.

It doesn't matter if your dad gets all butt-hurt. He's going to be all butt-hurt, unless he gets his way, so take his emotions *out* of it, and stick to *facts* and things you can control - like when you visit, how long you visit, or when he comes over to yours, and for how long. YOU dictate that - not your dad, and if he doesn't like it, he can stay home, or find somebody else to see to his needs at his house.

Your dad isn't going to like your boundaries - too bad. He doesn't get a say, and he doesn't get to run roughshod over you and yours by trying to control situations, and telling you and yours what you SHOULD be doing, or how you SHOULD be spending (or not) your money.
Explain nothing about work - only that you can come at X time, and stay for X amount of time.
If he doesn't like it - too bad. "Dad, that's all I can do, and if you don't like it, I can always stay home, and you can figure out something else."

That's all it takes - putting your foot down and opening your mouth.

And *keep* opening it state (and DO) your boundaries.
