child visitation

Started by capybara, October 31, 2019, 02:53:54 PM

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capybara

So BPDH and I are doing a trial separation right now, and he is in his own place. He's always been an involved parent. But now he is using only about half his visitation, and I am really surprised. Has anyone else had this, where the pwPD is making much less effort with the kids after the separation?

Penny Lane

This was not my experience but it seems like it's pretty common on these boards. It's very sad for the kids. But, ultimately, the more he leaves you alone to parent without his interference, that might be a good thing for the kids.

Here is my advice: At some point he will probably realize that child support is connected to visitation time, and he will start arguing for more. Whether or not he gets it, once the papers are signed he very likely will go back to skipping his visitation. Right now document all the time he's choosing to forgo visitation. You will want that record at some point.

Whiteheron

I honestly expect this will eventually happen with stbx. In the mediation proposal, he had his L put in a provision that his missing custody time does not mean he forfeits future custody time. Is he planning to miss custody time?? Now I'm questioning if this big custody fight is just for show, and that he'll eventually disappear with his gf?
I've heard it happens, but who really knows? I guess it depends on his source of supply and how he's trying to impress her.
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

plainwords

I didn't go to court to sort out visitation, but we did go to mediation.
My ex and I have been split for almost 4 years. In the early days, my ex wanted to be able to call to the house and see the kids when he liked. On his terms. When I said that this wasn't a good set up he kicked up a fuss and refused to budge on the 'I should be able to see my kids when I want and call to see them every day after work'.

So, that's when I sought mediation. My suggestion was for them to see him on a Thursday after work and all day Saturday. He agreed to this. I thought he would fight for more time, but he didn't.

Even after this was agreed, I thought he'd want to see them more, but he doesn't. In the early days he'd try to push my boundaries and or just not turn up. Now, after 3 years he has got the message and things are fairly constant, but I still thought he'd push for more time with them.