Forced to end the marriage

Started by maninthebox, September 20, 2019, 11:15:55 PM

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maninthebox

Thank you both for helping me so much! I go from sad to angry a lot as well. I get angry with her for being how she is, then angry that I was made a fool of, then angry at myself for allowing it to keep progressing over time. I've never had a healthy relationship before. I grew with an overbearing father who always fought with my mother and I was her counselor basically from an early age. I became so codependent early on and felt I was way too sensitive. The littlest of things hurt me.

PeanutButter

Quote from: maninthebox on October 11, 2019, 09:33:36 AM
I get angry with her for being how she is, then angry that I was made a fool of, then angry at myself for allowing it to keep progressing over time. I've never had a healthy relationship before.
This is so true for me as well. I also had not ever even really seen a healthy relationship modeled. My parents fought ALOT! I can remember my enF saying to me as I was finishing a phone call with my unpdxH (who was just my BF at the time) that had consisted of arguing, crying, and hanging up on; "peanutbutter, you dont want to be with someone who makes you feel like this do you?" I had no answer for that. But I do now, looking back its kinda weird that enF said that because that was exactly what he modeled to me by putting up with my ubpdM. I was allowing myself to be treated the way I saw ubpdM treat enF. In fact when compared to my ubpdM's model of 'love' my BF must surely love me :uuuuhhh: :wacko:
If there is a hidden seed of evil inside of children adults planted it there -LundyBancroft  Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong good or bad -DebbieFord The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none -Thomas Carlyle

Whatthehey

Wow Peanut Butter, you really spoke to me tonight.  I can be prudish so talk about sex is hard.  Guilty Catholic upbringing.  But reading your last posts I found myself saying "Oh, my God, I did that.  Sounds like me.  Crap, that's me too!"  Now that I am out of the relationship, I find that still don't really want sex.  from anyone.  I feel so traumatized from it that I just don't want or need any male attention.

I would try to schedule it (in my mind) so that it would limit the complaining.  But it was never enough or never right or never whatever he could find to complain about.  I would watch films or hear friends talk and just figure that sex for women wasn't good.  I'm still not convinced it is.

This forum is a blessing. I am on here daily as a touchstone - a counterweight so to speak. Keeps me sane.

PeanutButter

Quote from: Whatthehey on October 11, 2019, 11:01:56 PM
Wow Peanut Butter, you really spoke to me tonight.  I can be prudish so talk about sex is hard.  Guilty Catholic upbringing.  But reading your last posts I found myself saying "Oh, my God, I did that.  Sounds like me.  Crap, that's me too!"  Now that I am out of the relationship, I find that still don't really want sex.  from anyone.  I feel so traumatized from it that I just don't want or need any male attention.

I would try to schedule it (in my mind) so that it would limit the complaining.  But it was never enough or never right or never whatever he could find to complain about.  I would watch films or hear friends talk and just figure that sex for women wasn't good.  I'm still not convinced it is.

This forum is a blessing. I am on here daily as a touchstone - a counterweight so to speak. Keeps me sane.
:cheers:
Thanks for sharing that! I have held ALOT of stuff in for a LONG time. This is what is so healing about the forum for me. Its taken me awhile. I read for a long time before I joined. And now Im slowly getting going with writing my experiences. It feels great to hear a 'me too' since I always felt 'different' but like you didnt talk about it.
But back to the taboo subject lol. It was hard for me too. I was sheltered /overprotected in a very religous home. I didnt know much about it till I did it with my young unpdxH (then BF ).
My freinds were like me and we never discussed any of it. I had read magazines as a young women. Later I watched a few films. I still didnt get it. I was ok with that.
One time the 'other woman' called me  :stars: In the few short minutes that I let her speak she got this dig in "unpdxH told her that sex with me was 'boring' because it was always just 'regular' sex and nothing 'exciting'' I truly didnt care. He had always been so selfish. It made me sick after that.
I think that sex is definately overated. I definately dont care about it.
If there is a hidden seed of evil inside of children adults planted it there -LundyBancroft  Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong good or bad -DebbieFord The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none -Thomas Carlyle