BPD and cancer

Started by KKM, September 26, 2019, 12:31:48 PM

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KKM

September 26, 2019, 12:31:48 PM
Hi.  So glad to know that this forum is here.  I was referred by social worker at the cancer center where my husband is receiving treatment.  My husband suffers from BPD and the terminal diagnosis just makes everything exponentially more difficult.  He denies that he is dying, and so I can't talk to him about it . . . (so what is new? -- can't talk about anything much except to agree with him.)  It is a relief to read the descriptions of common behaviors and what to do and not do.  Still absorbing that.  So hello, and I am glad to be here.
:stars:

PeanutButter

#1
September 26, 2019, 12:50:17 PM
Hi and welcome KKM. Im so sorry for the traumatic event and circumstances that bring you here. Im glad you were referred to the forum. I hope you find the compassionate support you need and deserve. There is a wealth of information along with wisdom that comes from so many experiences.
If there is a hidden seed of evil inside of children adults planted it there -LundyBancroft  Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong good or bad -DebbieFord The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none -Thomas Carlyle

SerenityCat

#2
September 26, 2019, 12:56:47 PM
Welcome!  :hug: I'm glad that you are here.

GentleSoul

#3
September 28, 2019, 02:30:32 PM
Hi KKM

Welcome.

My uPD and alcoholic husband has end stage heart failure.  He denies it too.   I have also experienced that it makes things so much harder. 

My dad was the same, he lied and denied everything to all family and friends.  Again made it all so much harder.  He demanded that i lie for him too.  Awful position to be in. 

KKM

#4
September 28, 2019, 06:55:51 PM
Thank you for your response.    It does make things SO MUCH harder.   I can't plan or prepare.  We can't talk about it. . . . It is very tiring.

GentleSoul

#5
September 29, 2019, 11:51:27 AM
Quote from: KKM on September 28, 2019, 06:55:51 PM
Thank you for your response.    It does make things SO MUCH harder.   I can't plan or prepare.  We can't talk about it. . . . It is very tiring.

I find it very tiring too. 

My uPD husband has lied to the medical teams right from the start too, this also causes great problems.

Sending kindness and understanding to you.

guitarman

#6
October 01, 2019, 04:09:29 PM
Welcome. You are not alone.

Your husband maybe feeling scared, terrified, frightened and threatened. By him not talking about it then it doesn't exist.

FEAR can stand for False Evidence Appearing Real. He is denying himself and you the help and support he really needs.

Guitarman X
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

treesgrowslowly

#7
October 02, 2019, 10:02:02 PM
It is very hard to take care of ourselves when we are with someone with a PD. They eclipse everyone else's needs and it can be exhausting to spend so much energy telling them what we wish they would hear.

If he doesn't hear you, others do. Your social worker can probably see how you are feeling. How are you feeling lately? How are you doing with your own need for rest and breaks?

This site can be really helpful as you process your experiences. Welcome.

Trees
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