Exercise is triggering, oh no!

Started by SaltwareS, September 26, 2019, 04:33:00 PM

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SaltwareS

If I exercise now, like with a lot of cardio, I'm not sore the next day the way I was when I was younger. Instead, I just have jelly legs (I'm weak) for about a day until my strength is replenished. And I also have a lot of flashbacks to annoying circular arguments with the PDs in my past.

Andeza

Have you tried listening to audiobooks or podcasts or funny youtube videos while you exercise? If exercise, something about your normal cycle of it anyway, let's your mind flashback, then perhaps changing your habits around it will help. Like keeping your mind busy with other things. When I exercise, I make a point of dreaming about the homestead I'm determined to have someday, with chickens, beehives, goats, rabbits, maybe a dairy cow or two, gardens, orchards, greenhouses... etc. It's a fair bit to keep my thoughts busy on things that I like. I do this because I hate exercising... with a passion. But, after I had DS, I wanted to get out of the house. Cabin fever was really bad for the first two months of his life, and for me it wasn't even about losing weight or getting in shape. I was just going slowly out of my mind, sheesh. Now I've put hundreds of miles on that dang stroller. :blink:

The only other thing I can suggest is to potentially examine exactly why your mind is linking exercise with these arguments.
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

athene1399

Stimuli in the environment are what trigger flashbacks, so maybe once you figure out what it is about the exercise that is triggering that might be a good start. It could be what you're wearing, your body fatigue, how you feel. Something is connected to those arguments and that's what's causing the flashback I think.

I am sorry this is happening. Maybe you can find a way to stay present? I don't know if that would help. I'm not that familiar with flashbacks.

1footouttadefog

#3
Scent can trigger memories as well.  The gym, the plants and flowers on a walking path etc.

I need to listen to books or podcasts to distract while exercising if I am not outdoors.

kaizen

SaltwareS, I'm so glad you brought this up. I thought I was the only weirdo this happened to!   :wacko:

I go to exercise classes, and quite often out of the blue a memory will be triggered while we're working out, usually something related to clearing out my mother's house to sell.  It hasn't really upset me, but it feels strange. I could almost see it if I were doing something that doesn't require much attention, like walking, where your mind naturally tends to wander. But I have to pay attention in this class as we move from one movement to another, and even so, these memories just pop up.

Now that I think about it, it hasn't happened in a new class I've started going to--but there is music during that one, maybe that makes a difference.

Happypants

#5
I get that too, and it's a nightmare.  My worst trigger is vacuuming, i think because historically i would be silently seething at getting left to take care of all the housework (a common bone of contention between myself and my other half)), but it quickly evolves to me having circular conversations (but ones where i actually say what i think/no holds barred) with my parents.  It becomes addictive - me wallowing in self-pity because i'm reminded that my parents definitely wouldn't have my back re the housework conflict, then feeling the reward of having blown up at them (in my mind), then my mind moving on to all of their other transgressions, real or perceived, and always with the aim of trying to work out if i'm imagining what i perceive to be unfair treatment from them. 

I cant remember where i read this, but rumination can affect opioid receptors in the brain, so it becomes a reward cycle, no matter how nasty and devastating you perceive the subject of the rumination to be.  I honestly think that repetitive physical movement almost puts the brain into a state primed for rumination (it does with me anyway).

In addition to the above suggestions, could you change your exercise routine to one where more focus is required ie trail running on varied terrain, circuit training, a team sport, etc?

all4peace

I wonder if it's because exercise gets the blood flowing and our minds working. I have my best breakthroughs while exercising, although you could also call them flashbacks. To avoid that, I'd second listening to music or podcasts, or focusing your attention on your surroundings and the present moment, your breathing, counting your steps, whatever keeps you present.

Andeza

It seems that any "mindless" task or action can leave us open to these unpleasant mental ruts, be it ruminating or flashbacks.

I heard it said once that we ruminate because we're convinced we could have handled a situation better. So our brain just keeps going over and over trying to come up with a better way. This guy suggested that the key to these situations is accepting that we did the best we could, in the moment, with that particular situation, and the information we had at the time. Would we maybe do things differently now? Sure. Now is now, but then was then. He's a YouTuber, Ephemeral Rift. Most of his stuff is... Bizarre, to say the least, but when he gave his little talk on ruminating it was so clarifying to me.

Trigger warning, suicide

I used to work in a shoe store, during the period of time when UbpdM tried to kill herself. Stocking shoes is about the most mindless task in existence... It was a perfect storm. I kept going over and over the events in my head. It was a dark time for me, with flashbacks, auditory hallucinations, nightmares... When I got a more involved job that required brain power a few months later, most of that stopped.
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

1footouttadefog

I find that I am much better off doing mundane tasks when I listen to podcasts or books on tape or such.

My overall Outlook is much better.  The work goes faster and I feel refreshed for having induldged my intellectual needs.  Because , mercy, they don't get met with my childish pdh. 


Pepin

I find, too, that when I work out, I start thinking about PDmil and because I work out at home, I actually sometimes start speaking out loud as if I am either role playing or responding to DH about his mother -- saying things that I have not had the strength to say to him yet about her.  Or I practice responses that I would use if she were to ask me one of her dumb questions. 

Also, PDmil is one of whom exercise is a foreign concept.  She has not and does not take care of herself...and when something happens to her, she behaves from a place of helplessness; she does not take responsibility and thinks that whatever her body is telling her, that it will go away on its own. 

I sometimes get triggered when I work out because it is the opposite of how PDmil would operate.  The pre-PDmil phase of my life was and is still spent doing everything opposite of NF (my dysfunctional past).  He also did not exercise and suffered from a host of health related issues that exercise would have helped him avoid.  If either of these two would be able to get their rears off the couch, their lives would be so different.  But, they are PDs and obviously want to live with their ailments and the attention it brings them.

I, on the other hand, am no poster child for working out but I do my best when I can and I understand the value mentally and physically.  I wouldn't mind getting a punching/kickboxing bag to add to my home gym at this point....man, what a release that would provide.  I also walk my dog every day and I only listen to podcasts about dealing with Ns....currently exploring Lisa A. Romano.

1footouttadefog

So glad you mentioned the kicking punching bag. 

I used to enjoy a type of kickboxing exersize and need to get those ...ehem showing age here...vhs tapes out.   

My neighbors left a kick bag with us when they moved.

Thanks for the inspiration!!!

I was thinking or ordering some fitness thing that was in sale,  but can use what I have,
Thanks.  Now I am motivated..at least for a while.

I hope someone gives you a kick bag too.