Kids activities - at best awkward, at worst awful

[Stepping lightly]

Hi PL,

That is too bad that DSD came back acting that way.  It might be worth talking about it at a later point, in a low pressure way.  When my DSD and I have had some tense times, I'll come back later and say, "are we ok?  Seems there was someone going on, and I just want to make sure everything is ok now.  You are really special to me, and I really value our relationship".  Don't ask her what it is, but let her know you noticed it, and want to make sure there is nothing lingering. I think it's also important for them to know, "hey...there was friction, it's ok...still love ya kid! nothing has changed!"

That also gives you the opportunity if it happens again, to say, "this is similar to some friction we had last week, can we talk about what is going on?  If something i am doing is upsetting you, I want to know so we can fix it". 

[Penny Lane]

That's a good point. We've been focused on teaching the kids how to make it right when they do something wrong. Usually this is when they rage at DH but we basically applied the same model here - he walked DSD through what she needed to do (apologize to me and to stop being so rude). But I think you're right, we also need to focus on letting her know that she's unconditionally loved, even though she feels bad about having to make amends.