The Unfairness Rant

[Psuedonym]

As promised, here it is. And actually, things have been going really well in my life since going NC 10ish months ago. I'm feeling much better and making positive changes.

But here's the thing – a couple of weeks ago I went to TWO memorials on the same day. Both awesome, strong, optimistic women who died too young: one was in her 50s and one had just turned 60. They were beloved by everyone and their children who survived them. I have two friends currently facing the same situation – losing beloved family members who aren't really that old. Sad stuff.

...and then there's Negatron, the black hole, who's been complaining and whining about her health for decades and somehow not only outlived my dad (who I did love and although he enabled her also was a buffer from a great deal of her shit) and has made it to 89. She seems determined to spread as much misery and spend as much money as possible on prolonging her negativity infinitely. I routinely ask BF if he believes she will ever die. He assures me that she will but I'm not so sure.

I know this has been pointed out by many of you that they tend to live forever and that no one has the answer as to why life is very often so unjust but sometimes it just wear's you down a little, doesn't it? Meh. End of rant.

[Poison Ivy]

I understand. My dad wasn't perfect (none of us are) but he was a kind, smart, and honorable man.  He died at age 84, 15 years ago.  Meanwhile, my mean, stingy, and dishonest former FIL is still alive, age 93.  His children, except for my enmeshed ex-husband, keep their distance.  None of his grandchildren want to spend time with him.  Grrr. My dad lived a good and long life, but I wish my kids had a good person around to be their grandpa.

[Andeza]

Ugh, UbpdM is only 62,but she's "been getting worse, don't know how much longer I've got" for at least three years. Meanwhile my thoughts turn again and again to the words of the songwriter, "only the good die young" I really don't think he knew how right he was.

Later this year I'll be bringing an energy sensitive individual into contact with my M. It will be interesting to see whether she really does suck the life force out of those around her. I intend to settle the emotional black hole theory, at least for myself. I know not everybody ascribes to the energy of life kind of stuff. Three years ago I would have called bs on myself, haha!

Personally, I expect UbpdM will live another 30 years, "dying" the whole time. I expect she'll lose the house, because she's scared of applying for help, and also because "she shouldn't have to!!!!" So this Rollercoaster is just getting started really.

[alphaomega]

Ohh my friend.  Dont I EVER know what you are thinking, feeling and wondering.

Negatrons midwestern Twin is 86.5.  With a literaly myriad laundry list of cancers, organ removals, skin cancers, broken bones, and on an on and on.

My father died at 67 - 20 years ago now.  He was an angel on earth.

Sometimes I do truly wonder if this little blue dot floating in space doesnt belong to The Negative powers that be. 

[Fortuna]

My grandma lived to be 101. Now I'm not really sure she had any major PD, but my Nmom who never liked my grandma in full projection mode told me "she lived on hate."
From the mouth of the PD, I think that might hit close to home. The ailments, the whining, the demands, all make her feel more alive from the supply she gets, not less like most people. Some PD's are going to feel better by spreading misery.

[p123]

My grandma lived to be 101. Now I'm not really sure she had any major PD, but my Nmom who never liked my grandma in full projection mode told me "she lived on hate."
From the mouth of the PD, I think that might hit close to home. The ailments, the whining, the demands, all make her feel more alive from the supply she gets, not less like most people. Some PD's are going to feel better by spreading misery.

My Dads 86 now - stories of people living to 101 send shivers down my spine. 15 more year of this!!!!!

OK I know I'm going to hell 

[Psuedonym]

Well I'll be right there with you p123 because I had the exact same reaction to Fortuna's post about her grandma. Nope! If she makes it past 90 I'm leaving town and changing my name.

[p123]

Well I'll be right there with you p123 because I had the exact same reaction to Fortuna's post about her grandma. Nope! If she makes it past 90 I'm leaving town and changing my name.

Do you know what though Psue - hes increasingly unhappy. More so because things don't go the way he wants (i.e. everyone doing what HE wants). IF he was EVER really ill as well, he would be a COMPLETE nightmare. Hes bad enough now. He'd would be awful.

I do pray that he does go BEFORE that. Dad is definitely not one of these old people who could be ill for years and cope. No way.

[Free Rebel]

It's very unfair honestly.  My beloved sister died last year at the age of 47 and yet our narc parents are still going strong despite being 70 and 82. The narc father has had colon cancer twice and the narc mother, diabetes.  My sister and I had just reunited and were healing together and finally able to be true sisters after being triangulated for years by our parents.  I still don't understand why she was taken away and not the evil ones.  I'm thankful that we both were no contact with our parents and although it was very painful and triggering, we were able to enjoy each other for once in our lives without them constantly causing drama.  They still caused it to a degree since my sister's child was/is loyal to them and not my sister or me and they did everything to cause us to break up again.  The only thing that stopped that was her death.   

[LittleStar]

Reading this thread makes me wonder how many years more I have to deal with her, when she's "only" 66 years.... 

So unfair indeed...

[Psuedonym]

I'm sorry that everybody can relate to this and, Free Rebel, I'm so sorry about your beloved sister.



to everybody. We'll make it through this

[Free Rebel]

I'm sorry that everybody can relate to this and, Free Rebel, I'm so sorry about your beloved sister.



to everybody. We'll make it through this

Thank you Psuedonym, it has been the biggest pain of my entire life and that's saying a lot considering we all know what it's like having narc parents.  I think it would have been easier in a way if she had been like them.  She was the golden child but wasn't hateful to me like some golden children are towards the scapegoat.  There were painful times for sure such as when she would brag about how close she and our narc mother were, but she paid for that closeness with the loss of her only child to our narc parents.     It's also hard knowing that they aren't grieving my sister, just pissed off that they can't triangulate us and her and her daughter anymore.   

[GettingOOTF]

My father wallows in misery. It's the main part of his identity. He's proud for it. And his life's goal is to bring everyone else down. I have never heard him say a kind or positive word to or about anyone in his life. Everything is mockery and complaining.

Growing up we all thought my mother was the issue. She certainly had problems. She was an alcoholic and was a mean, volatile and sometimes violent woman. She was a very angry and nasty drunk.

In the years since she died I have come to see that a lot of her behaviors were because she was married to an absolve man who ground her down and stripped what little self esteem she had.

It doesn't excuse or come close to making up for her behavior but I'm starting to see that if my father had died first there probably would have been some healing between those left. I see my father's role in all the chaos so much more clearly now. He loves nothing more than when we are all at each others throats.

No one can say for sure but I don't think we'd all be as scattered around the world and not speaking if my mother had lived instead.