sick and tired of my manager

[Spirit in the sky]

I am so tired of my manager at work, I feel constantly stressed and it's making me ill.
She has a really bad attitude, she's well past retirement age and is just killing time until she gets a pay off. Her management skills are like something from the dark ages, she bullies and manipulates people but in a cunning way that if you call her out she somehow manages to spin it into being your fault.

She 'punishes' people if she doesn't get her own way but covers her tracks really well, I'm not the only one who feels this way. I know others have complained about her before but they were labelled 'trouble makers' and she got away with it.

I'm going through a lot of personal problems with my family and I tell her the bare minimum if I need time off but she seems to thrive on other people's suffering and misfortune. I have been struggling all week with a viral infection and felt really ill in work today, she told me If was just a cold and made me feel like I was putting it on.

Late she said she hoped I wasn't thinking of taking time off because they were short staffed. I feel really miserable and can't face work tomorrow but I know if I take time off to get better, she make a big fuss.

I have actually been off work with stress before because of her negative attitude towards me. She gossips about other staff members and wants me to side with her, when I don't she gets sulky and huffs. I really love my work but she makes it so uncomfortable with her mood swings and then when she realises she gone too far she tries the nice act and wants to be my friend.

[11JB68]

Spirit, I don't really have any advice, but I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It's so hard. We spend so much of our waking life at work, we just wavy it to be a positive place. I'm with you on this...I have to work, work is work (not easy, challenging, sometimes stressful) but I like what I do. It's the negativity of others that stresses me out. I've been called a Polly Anna for having a positive attitude at work. Some people are so miserable, and they just want to bring everyone else down to their level. Even more difficult if that person is in a position of power.
I'm going through something at work now, that has worked itself out in that the boss has lost patience with the negativity and now that person is leaving...but she is blaming me, and making me feel uncomfortable in her final weeks... (And I'm the manager  )

[JollyJazz]

Hi Spirit in the Sky,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. You certainly aren't imagining it. It is good that other people have opened up about their experiences.

Do you have a support network? T or other people you can talk to about it?

I have been through similar workplace issues. Things that helped me - just immediate, dealing things first hand with the stress of being treated like that were daily exercise (e.g. a walk each day or something similar), getting enough sleep each day, good food and talking with friends or someone else supportive each day. Those 4 things each day really helped me keep the stress under control. I would also go for long hikes on the weekends (for me the longer and harder the better) which helped a lot with the stress levels.

For me, if it comes to taking a day off if you feel unwell, I think its worth putting health first. You will know what is best for you though of course.

Does this person have much longer at your work? Will she move on soon, or do you want to look for another job?

Anyway, I know you will know what is best for you. Sending my best wishes, solidarity and support to you!

[clara]

I once had a manager like you describe, Spirit, and I figured out that the best way to deal with her was to mostly ignore her.  It helps when you realize she's not just targeting you, that it actually has nothing to do with you.  Knowing others have gone through it as well makes a difference because it puts the behavior back on her.  With people like that, no matter what you do, they're going to find something to go after.  It becomes a no-win situation, so sometimes if you want to stay with the job, you have to stop playing the game and just do your job and brush off her BS.  I know the stress levels can get really high, but your manager knows this as well and is feeding off of it.  Don't give her that power.  She's button pushing.   If you need to take time off, tell her you're taking the time off, it's non-negotiable.  She wants you to believe you have no power.   But the fact that she feels she has to play these games in order to get things done (in her mind, anyway) shows a deep insecurity about her authority and ability to motivate.  She's no longer a manager--she's a bully.   So even if she makes you want to punch through a wall, don't let her know that.  Act calm and pleasant around her, but hold your ground and assert yourself, and then, like jolly recommends, find an outlet for your frustration.  It might also help to find a therapist who you can talk all of this over with.  Sometimes just saying it out loud and to someone without a stake in the situation (but who's there to listen) can be really helpful.