I'm going to write a book.

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TooLiteral

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I'm going to write a book.
« on: October 10, 2019, 12:11:22 PM »
I've always been a writer. I have awards for writing somewhere deep in the bottom of boxes of old accomplishments, buried in the attic; the metaphorical graveyard of all my passions since the beginning of this journey with my uNPDh. What surprises me to this day is just how wrong people are, still, about what makes a relationship toxic. What exactly about an interaction between two humans makes it unhealthy? When there is obvious threats, violence, etc. it tends to be easier, but stonewalling? Guilting? Gaslighting? How many people know what a crazy-making conversation sounds like?

So I'm going to write a book. Or maybe a play. Short conversations between people. Examples of what toxicity looks like. No physical violence. I want to show everyone what it feels like to be us.

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Stillirise

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Re: I'm going to write a book.
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2019, 03:34:22 PM »
Thatís fantastic!  I think that will be such a useful tool. I think most of us here have questioned at one time or another, ďWas that as bad as I thought, or am I overreacting?!Ē Also, ďWhy do I feel crazy, but my (insert PD individual here), seems so calm and cool?Ē

Anyone can say the wrong thing sometimes. I know Iíve been guilty of blurting something insensitive or potentially hurtful, without thinking, on more than one occasion.  I think thatís one reason it can challenging for nonPDís to see crazy making behavior for what it is.  IMHO, the pattern, intent, lack of personal responsibility, and lack of empathy toward the other person are a few things that set the crazy-making apart.  It is very different from a simple disagreement, or a misunderstood or poorly communicated sentiment.

I didnít fully understand how I was being gaslighted until I came here.  In my case, it was very insidious.  Plus, I often think my uPDh truly believes many of the things he says, which for me, made my own self-validation even harder.  It was hard to accept two people could share the same experiences and conversations, yet have two completely different realities about what transpired.

You hereby have my permission to use anything you find useful in the crazy making things Iíve posted about, and the things that Iím sure are to come in the future! Happy writing!

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Lauren17

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Re: I'm going to write a book.
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2019, 11:29:21 PM »
Yes, please do!
I think that emotional abuse is still largely un-acknowledged in our society and books, movies, TV are a prime method to change that.
I read a lot, and while abuse is a common theme, itís always portrayed as physical abuse. I would like to see a character overcome the effects of long term psychological abuse.

I didnít fully understand how I was being gaslighted until I came here.  In my case, it was very insidious.  Plus, I often think my uPDh truly believes many of the things he says, which for me, made my own self-validation even harder.  It was hard to accept two people could share the same experiences and conversations, yet have two completely different realities about what transpired.


Stillrise read my mind when writing this! Almost every time Iíve reached out for help, the other person has suggested a misunderstanding or lack of clear communication on my part. I commonly understood example would have been so helpful. ďRemember that book we read? Well, Iíve been experiencing something similar..,Ē

Let us know when itís published.
ďYou held me down, but I got up.
Get ready, Ďcause Iíve had enough.Ē
-Katy Perry

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Andeza

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Re: I'm going to write a book.
« Reply #3 on: October 18, 2019, 02:51:23 AM »
Writing is so much fun, but in this case you may find it to be a great part of your healing journey! Will you be participating in NaNoWriMo? Or working at a more leisurely pace?

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biggerfish

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Re: I'm going to write a book.
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2019, 08:24:39 PM »
"Short conversations between people. Examples of what toxicity looks like. "

Hi TooLiteral.  This is sooooo needed. The outside world cannot understand without specific examples.

I'm a writer too, but I haven't wanted to put any more of my energy into the dysfunction by writing about it. Yet I realize how important it is.

I pray that you have the stomach for what I don't have the stomach for. I'm thinking I just don't have the calling, but perhaps you do!

 :cheer: