I'm going to write a book.

Started by TooLiteral, October 10, 2019, 09:11:22 AM

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TooLiteral

I've always been a writer. I have awards for writing somewhere deep in the bottom of boxes of old accomplishments, buried in the attic; the metaphorical graveyard of all my passions since the beginning of this journey with my uNPDh. What surprises me to this day is just how wrong people are, still, about what makes a relationship toxic. What exactly about an interaction between two humans makes it unhealthy? When there is obvious threats, violence, etc. it tends to be easier, but stonewalling? Guilting? Gaslighting? How many people know what a crazy-making conversation sounds like?

So I'm going to write a book. Or maybe a play. Short conversations between people. Examples of what toxicity looks like. No physical violence. I want to show everyone what it feels like to be us.

Stillirise

That's fantastic!  I think that will be such a useful tool. I think most of us here have questioned at one time or another, "Was that as bad as I thought, or am I overreacting?!" Also, "Why do I feel crazy, but my (insert PD individual here), seems so calm and cool?"

Anyone can say the wrong thing sometimes. I know I've been guilty of blurting something insensitive or potentially hurtful, without thinking, on more than one occasion.  I think that's one reason it can challenging for nonPD's to see crazy making behavior for what it is.  IMHO, the pattern, intent, lack of personal responsibility, and lack of empathy toward the other person are a few things that set the crazy-making apart.  It is very different from a simple disagreement, or a misunderstood or poorly communicated sentiment.

I didn't fully understand how I was being gaslighted until I came here.  In my case, it was very insidious.  Plus, I often think my uPDh truly believes many of the things he says, which for me, made my own self-validation even harder.  It was hard to accept two people could share the same experiences and conversations, yet have two completely different realities about what transpired.

You hereby have my permission to use anything you find useful in the crazy making things I've posted about, and the things that I'm sure are to come in the future! Happy writing!
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
—Maya Angelou

Lauren17

Yes, please do!
I think that emotional abuse is still largely un-acknowledged in our society and books, movies, TV are a prime method to change that.
I read a lot, and while abuse is a common theme, it's always portrayed as physical abuse. I would like to see a character overcome the effects of long term psychological abuse.

Quote from: Stillirise on October 10, 2019, 12:34:22 PM
I didn't fully understand how I was being gaslighted until I came here.  In my case, it was very insidious.  Plus, I often think my uPDh truly believes many of the things he says, which for me, made my own self-validation even harder.  It was hard to accept two people could share the same experiences and conversations, yet have two completely different realities about what transpired.


Stillrise read my mind when writing this! Almost every time I've reached out for help, the other person has suggested a misunderstanding or lack of clear communication on my part. I commonly understood example would have been so helpful. "Remember that book we read? Well, I've been experiencing something similar..,"

Let us know when it's published.
I've cried a thousand rivers. And now I'm swimming for the shore" (adapted from I'll be there for you)

Andeza

Writing is so much fun, but in this case you may find it to be a great part of your healing journey! Will you be participating in NaNoWriMo? Or working at a more leisurely pace?
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

biggerfish

"Short conversations between people. Examples of what toxicity looks like. "

Hi TooLiteral.  This is sooooo needed. The outside world cannot understand without specific examples.

I'm a writer too, but I haven't wanted to put any more of my energy into the dysfunction by writing about it. Yet I realize how important it is.

I pray that you have the stomach for what I don't have the stomach for. I'm thinking I just don't have the calling, but perhaps you do!

:cheer:

ICantThinkOfAName

I think this is awesome. I have seen some movies that attempt to do this but they fall short and make demands of the audience to forgive the abuser because after all she is your mother and she means well. It sickens me how much of this seems to permeate the culture and how movies reinforce the forgive and forget so we can all feel better about ourselves.  I made the mistake of reading the comments on one such movie and someone empathized with the abuser in the movie so much and felt validated by the victim's sudden realization that she was all wrong. I'm glad your are doing this and I hope you can find a way to help those that don't realize the pain they are inflicting. And help those escape those who do know the pain they are
Inflicting.